thek224 Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 Like many others, I'm in the process of separating from my wife. I wanted to share my story to get others opinions and maybe get some things off my chest. My wife said she no longer could be with me because she was not "in love" with me. She loved me as a friend, but not like when we were first together. I might have stuck around to hold things together, but this was not the first incident that sent us spiraling downward. A year and half ago, she slept with another man. She came home and told the next day what happened. I was crushed. My heart was broken and beaten. However, we had kids and I still loved her. So I did my best to put it behind me and get us into marriage counseling. I discovered a lot about myself and reasons to why she had the affair. I wanted us to work so I began working on my faults and did what I could to fix our marriage. Fast forward to a month ago. Things seemed great. We really seemed to be doing better and then out of the blue she turns a 180. She claimed to have lied about her "true" feelings. Instead, she said she just said things to make me feel better and keep me from knowing the truth. The truth was she didn't love me anymore and wanted to escape our marriage. I let her spend the weekend away to explore her options and if it was something she really wanted to do. She came back and wanted to work things out. She said she had mental issues she needed to fix (Something that has repeated itself throughout our marriage). However, a few days ago she couldn't take it anymore and told me she still wanted out. So I packed my things and moved out. The situation now is this, we have two children together. A house that she is still living in. She has no source of income because I was the only one working. She stayed at home with the kids. I provided everything that she needed. I did the best I could on what little we had. It hurts now because I don't think she appreciates all I did for her. I'm not a perfect person, but I was a good husband. I let her do the things she wanted. I would help around the house. I helped her with the kids when I was at home. I don't have any regrets about things I could have done differently, because I truly feel I did the best I could to save our marriage and hold my family together. Now I've lost my family. I don't want to be away from my kids. I don't want to lose my wife. My dreams have been shattered. I feel like my life has turned upside down and I'm not really sure where the begin. She has already started looking for dates on the internet. It hurts to know this, but why should I be surprised? Why can't she wait at least a month? She doesn't even wait for the dust to settle before starting a new life. I'm pissed off because she is still sleeping in our house and the house I'm still paying to keep. She is using the internet that I pay for to find dates. The same computer I left her to use so she could keep in touch with her family. I feel lost and hurt, but I keep myself from crying over her. She doesn't deserve the satisfaction. I know she isn't coming back and I have no hope of it happening. She betrayed me and tore my family apart. My two kids will grow up in a broken home and its her fault. I don't want my kids to hurt. This wasn't their doing. It tears me up inside to think about them. I'm on a roller coaster of emotions. One second I'm ready to move on, the next second I find myself missing her and the kids, then I find myself hating her, and then I feel completely rejected. I did what any good husband was supposed to do, but she still left? It makes no sense. Thanks for reading...
Mr. Lucky Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 It makes no sense. k224, I would encourage you to spend some time reading other's stories here on LS. While they rarely make "sense", you'll find that the successful survivors developed a game plan early on and stuck with it. The first step is simply realizing that you can't control what your wife WILL do, so you should plan for what she CAN do. See a lawyer NOW - it's empowering to understand that you too have rights in this situation. Focus on your kids and yourself, learn not to sweat the small stuff (they'll be plenty of big problems ) and stay strong for those who need you. I'm hoping that you'll find this site to be a real resource... Mr. Lucky
Nomad1 Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 Hi TheK224. You will find that your story is not unique. You are probably too nice and your wife is looking for a challenge. Why did you leave your computer and continue to pay for the internet? Stop being nice to her. She will continue to take you for granted. Stop giving, she will continue taking. Be good to your kids and don't worry about what she might get up to. She will do it regardless. Accept that the marriage is over and start living for you. Best wishes Nomad1
DarkBlue Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 You moved out... but your still paying for the house she's in and her internet? Did I read that right?
PinkRibbon Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 Ok she doesn't want you that means she doesn't want your money. Cut the flow off and quick. See how long she deals with no money to dally around with other men. I understand staying home for the children but obvioulsy she has a lot of free time on her hands she can look for dates already??? She needs to get a job then and pay her own way. All you need to do is worry about the children.
HenryII Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 Been there , done that. See the lawyer, find a girlfriend, move on.
THEBIGARC Posted March 6, 2008 Posted March 6, 2008 Going back and reading this story made me realize how many men go through this same thing. If really makes me lose my faith in marriage. When things get tough or a liitle dul, that is when you hear "I am not in love anymore". I think a lot of people do not know the true meaning of love. They need to read the bible. I am so sick of the whole thing!
john30 Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 K224, your story echoes mine in many ways. I have always looked after my wife and always put her first. I can't think of any valid reason why she has done what shes done. I know there is 2 sides to every break up, but I am really struggling to see hers. I am amazed at how many stories are the same as ours on here, I have definatley lost my faith in marriage. John.
emotionally_barren Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 I put my W first also and am in a similar situation. I was always there for her when she needed a shoulder to cry on. In my mind I was the proverbial rock. Sometimes that isn't enough I guess. Stay strong man. It sucks now (believe me I know) but if this is the lowest point in your life there is nowhere to go but up! Don't be that person that thinks every silver lining has a cloud.
PinkRibbon Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 The same could be said for many women with their husbands. Many spouses that leave have cheated. Blows my mind how many people regardless of sex can not stay faithful to their marriage.
Archer36 Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 Such similar situations. I feel much the way you do, and I haven't even moved out. The cheating must be a knife in your heart all the time. Cry it out my friend, and cut her off. See a lawyer, write down everything you can remember while it is fresh. Request the dates of your therapy, write down what you can remember from your sessions. Talk to friends. Write down your finances and figure our your expenses. Don't pay her to sit home and make a fool of you. Stay busy! Let your kids know how much you love them. Call them, write them a letter, eat lunch with them at school. You cannot fix your wife, only she can decide to start down that road.
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