She has guy friends....and she's dated a couple of them

February 19, 2008

To make a long story short. I've known this girl for years. We started dating over the summer. That fell apart. She said I was being controlling we are not right for eachother the whole deal. Well to again make a longs story short. I've practicly defied gravity by getting her back. This goes completly against what they believe in in the second chances Forum in which those people think its an imposiblity. Thats a whole nother story how i pulled that off. Basically when I moved on .....a bell must have went off in her head and made her call me. And to be honest she was calling for entirely differnt reason. It took some real strategy. Anyways this time around I've been totaly cool about it. Not wearing my heart on my sleeve. Not putting all my eggs in her basket.

On the other hand aside from the occasional wishy washyness (what she says is due to her fear to fall for me, shes dated some doozies and her hard upbringing has seemed to lead her into the arms of guys that don't realy appreciate her) Things have been great. We have been closer then ever and on an occasion I feel lately like shes putting in more effort then me. Last week she wanted me to sleep over almost everynight.

Here's the problem. We are intimate again and she gets a little freaked out about it sometimes because she thinks were moving to fast again. Also shes one of those myspace junkies that is constantly in touch with old boyfriends. She probably has more guy friends then girlfriends. Plus this guy that she used to date is always in the picture because he is friends with the same people she is.

She was into this kid and he turned out to be a jerk as well. He also is always coming arouind playing with her emotions whenever he sees her. When we stopped seeing eachother after the summer 2 days later he was sleeping over. And she was lying about it.

back to today. well we've gone over these things a few times. we started seeing eachother again about two months ago and she swears up and down she wouldn't do that again. plus she says we were'nt exclusivly seeing eachother then. I guess thats a way of looking at it.

Anyways we had a great Valentines day. But it was tainted with him calling her and telling her he wants her back. Another ex of hers sent her earings from states away. She says she wants nothing to do with these guys anymore but she still seems interested in seeing whats new with them on myspace. The one thats always in the picture she plays volleyball with once a week and hes always at friend functions. I'm glad she is honest with me when he upsets her and comes around messing with her head. Hes usaly a dick and now ofcourse hes heard shes with someone and he wants her back. It used to say that she was in a relationship on my space and now it says single. Afew weeks ago she wanted to take a few steps back because she thought it was moving to fast and shes wasnt sure how she felt about me. so she moved it to single. When i asked her why she didn't move back to relatioship she said an announcement is sent to all her friends everytime she goes back and forth and doesn't want to deal with comments. I wonder if she even tells this other guy about how close me and her are.

What am I supposed to do? Telling her to stay away from him is like telling her to stay away from her friends. At what point is enough, enough? Isn't there a point when you just don't put yourself in certain positions? how can our relationship ever grow? I don't understand why they need to be emailing eachother on myspace. I told her to take a few months do some soul searching and I would focus on school. She started crying when I said that and said she couldn't do that. She said she spends the most time with me and is just scared. Should I have a talk with him? DO I just have to drop her?

Its one thing to stay in touch with people but these guys are being aggresive. Does she need that attention? She says she doesn't but do women ever mean what they say? actions speak louder then words right? I said to her its kind of convenient, next time we have a disagreement she gonna just go run to one of her back burners. She said she wouldn't do that again.

Edited February 19, 2008 by themessenger

February 19, 2008

If you're not comfortable with her relationships with other guys, you have one choice: tell her you're not comfortable with it. If she changes and stops communicating/hanging out with them, great.

If she doesn't stop, then you have another choice: either put up with it or find someone else.

Of course, I'm a woman, and you seem skeptical that women ever mean what they say so perhaps you should just disregard all this.

February 19, 2008

I think the most important thing is whether you trust her or not. I know it's difficult to get used to as I went out with someone who had 90% male friends. It was particularly hard to get over the fact that she shared a caravan with one of them for a few days...but like I said before, it's not down to whether you trust the guys, it's whether you trust her or not. If you trust her and believe she's faithful to you then it shouldn't matter who she hangs around with.

February 19, 2008

I apologize for the comment about women. Its just that she talks with her emotions which seem to be change like a strobe light. anyways Just got off the phone with her...have plans for wednsday, not sure if I'm being irrational and should just ride it out, or if I should push her away. It s easy to say well if you think you can't handle it then walk away. I guess what I'm asking you guys is....after reading my story....am I right for asking the questions I was asking after telling my story? And then what?

February 19, 2008

I apologize for the comment about women. Its just that she talks with her emotions which seem to be change like a strobe light. anyways Just got off the phone with her...have plans for wednsday, not sure if I'm being irrational and should just ride it out, or if I should push her away. It s easy to say well if you think you can't handle it then walk away. I guess what I'm asking you guys is....after reading my story....am I right for asking the questions I was asking after telling my story? And then what?

Well I guess all girls like attention whether they seek it or not, but if you don't like her talking with other guys, you have to confront her on it. Otherwise all your worrying would only show how much insecurities you have and she might be all defensive about how you dont trust her.

February 19, 2008

You're certainly reasonable for asking these questions. Many of the things you describe would make me uncomfortable, too. In all honesty, if a guy I was dating was communicating with other girls who were going on about how much they wanted him, and he listed himself publically as single, and he said he wasn't sure about how he felt about me, I'd actually probably not even talk to him first. I'd just dump him and move on.

I wouldn't contact the guy(s) if I were you - I'm sure they have no interest in what's good for you, they seem to be out for themselves. And even if they all said "I'm sorry, I didn't know," and went away, you still have a girl who is (in my opinion) all too quick to disrespect your relationship, and who will mostly likely find other guys to pretend to be single with. The problem, it sounds, is with her, not them.

I know it's easier said than done, but after some hand wringing, I'd leave and find someone who was sure she wanted to be with you and was happy to announce to all her friends that she was in a relationship with her one and only love.

February 19, 2008

I noticed that papaer cuts mentioned insecurities (I knew someone would sooner or later) Frankly Idon't think this is about insecurities. I don't think any of these guys penis is bigger then mine. In fact the only insecurity (if that is what you would call it) is that she has been having trouble because I am to big for her. should I be worried that she would like a guy with a smaller penis so it wouldn't hurt? I'm by know means a porn star but I have some width and shes a petite girl. Plus I tend to want to last longer then her. she'll been done and start to get dry and I'll want to keep going. (is this to much information?) the history that she has with him would be my only threat. My highschool sweetheart is married now. I was her first love. If she was around me constantly by law if nature that would be hard for her not to have some kind of feeling when I was around.

Blue do you think its to soon to have such expectations of her that you mentioned? I mean I've been thinking the same things but i also have been thinking that we dated for a about a month inthe summer and were and then off and were going on two months now.

Edited February 19, 2008 by themessenger

February 19, 2008

I noticed that papaer cuts mentioned insecurities (I knew someone would sooner or later) Frankly Idon't think this is about insecurities. I don't think any of these guys penis is bigger then mine. In fact the only insecurity (if that is what you would call it) is that she has been having trouble because I am to big for her. should I be worried that she would like a guy with a smaller penis so it wouldn't hurt? I'm by know means a porn star but I have some width and shes a petite girl. Plus I tend to want to last longer then her. she'll been done and start to get dry and I'll want to keep going. (is this to much information?) the history that she has with him would be my only threat. My highschool sweetheart is married now. I was her first love. If she was around me constantly by law if nature that would be hard for her not to have some kind of feeling when I was around.

Blue do you think its to soon to have such expectations of her that you mentioned? I mean I've been thinking the same things but i also have been thinking that we dated for a about a month inthe summer and were and then off and were going on two months now.

Okay lol sorry... but umm you really need to talk with her about some of the stuff thats on your mind. OR else you'll never know. The best thing is to always talk it out.

February 19, 2008

I have to admit I'm afraid talking to her about this stuff will scare her away. Is it to soon? one of her gripes is that the last boyfriend she had 2 years ago, left her with no friends. Then she want on a two year power dating party animal phase which she seems to be growing out of. Yet is still tainted a little tainted by her previous relationships. Do you think its reasonable to talk with her about this stuff? how wiould you react?

Edited February 19, 2008 by themessenger

February 19, 2008

February 19, 2008

I have to admit I'm afraid talking to her about this stuff will scare her away. Is it to soon? one of her gripes is that the last boyfriend she had 2 years ago, left her with no friends. Then she want on a two year power dating party animal phase which she seems to be growing out of. Yet is still tainted a little tainted by her previous relationships. Do you think its reasonable to talk with her about this stuff? how wiould you react?

Well if I was in her position, I would find it a bit intimidating to bring up my past. But like just talk to her about her excessive communications with her exes without compromising her freedom as an individual? Hope that makes sense.

February 19, 2008

I wouldn't advise going forward with her.

Your options:

-talking, confronting, pressuring her to be considerate, to be less about the guys, to be urm, more like a GF who doesn't go listing herself as single.

This relationship will become about you trying to change her.

Do you think it is so difficult to meet another who is more like you?

She needs a guy who is okay with her male friends, who doesn't mind the little games she plays (listing as single then not single).

Is that you? If not, move on. This has nothing to do with insecurity, or talking to her.

I bet you 20 to 1 once you talk about the communication with exes, it'll be something else, then something else. Maybe you like the challenge, the daily re-enactment of "The Taming of the Shrew ", loosely speaking.

February 19, 2008

She has commitment issues which she recognizes. Like I said before shes dated some doozies. She wants to have a boyfriend but is afraid to give herself 100% now this other guy is coming around trying to be nice. In a paranoid way I feel like I'm the nice guy who she is ttrying to make it work with. And hes playing the role of the bad boy she can't let go of. Which is Ironic because i found myself in this position when i was younger but not in recent years. who knows maybe she realy does want nothing to do with him. Florida am I wrong for feeling like constant contact with him is not necessary? I don't think this is about what is the right person for her? ITs abouits would anybody put up with this? I feel like the only person that would put up with this is either someone who doesn't care that much or is that much into her, maybe has someof his own **** on the side going. Or someone who is ignorant.

are there any people who have questions for me that maybe they arent clear about? Something they would need to know to get a better undaerstanding of whats going on?

February 19, 2008

Florida am I wrong for feeling like constant contact with him is not necessary? I don't think this is about what is the right person for her? ITs abouits would anybody put up with this? I feel like the only person that would put up with this is either someone who doesn't care that much or is that much into her, maybe has someof his own **** on the side going. Or someone who is ignorant.

No, you are not wrong in the least for not liking her keeping in contact with him.

It is sending a message to you: proceed with caution, if at all.

Personally-I think you should tell her "I really like you, but since we are both adults who don't need to be told what to do, give me a call when you can let go of this unhealthy attachment with the ex's"

If you go into this now, how will you feel when you are really attached, in love, and arguing about why she still keeps in touch with him.

Do you think you would be okay with her always keeping in touch with him?

Most likely she will, if you take her as she is.

And if she cuts ties with him prematurely, she will resent you, your relationship will NOT be a happy one.

So: Can you take her AS SHE IS?

If not, see the statement above. Let her come to you when she is ready. She isn't now. You'll just end up breaking up if you go with her now. Play it better, if you really want her.

February 19, 2008

I told her to take a few months on her own and i would focus on school. I said go do some soul searching or figure things out. She started crying and said she didn't want me to leave.

February 19, 2008

Here's the problem. We are intimate again and she gets a little freaked out about it sometimes because she thinks were moving to fast again. Also shes one of those myspace junkies that is constantly in touch with old boyfriends.

Say no more. This is not good. Ya I know, "don't jump the gun, this doesn't mean a thing". Well in my experience, bull. If she is obsessed with myspace and keeping in contact with old boyfriends, then my gut says she is not worthy of trust. I'd say you are gonna be one of those ex's that she wants to keep in touch with on myspace soon.

She probably has more guy friends then girlfriends.

another red flag.

nyways we had a great Valentines day. But it was tainted with him calling her and telling her he wants her back. Another ex of hers sent her earings from states away. She says she wants nothing to do with these guys anymore but she still seems interested in seeing whats new with them on myspace.

Ya right. These guys aren't sending her these things because they are simply "friends". You can bet she is talking them as if she is still interested in them. Something stinks, and if I were you, I wouldn't put up with it.

Afew weeks ago she wanted to take a few steps back because she thought it was moving to fast and shes wasnt sure how she felt about me. so she moved it to single./quote] When i asked her why she didn't move back to relatioship she said an announcement is sent to all her friends everytime she goes back and forth and doesn't want to deal with comments. I wonder if she even tells this other guy about how close me and her are.

Oh how convenient that she moved her profile to single after these guys showed an interest in her on Valentine's day.

I'd say move on, don't contact her again. If she calls you and wonders why you haven't been calling her, just tell her, "you want to be single, so go ahead and leave me alone".

What am I supposed to do?

dump her

Telling her to stay away from him is like telling her to stay away from her friends. At what point is enough, enough? Isn't there a point when you just don't put yourself in certain positions? how can our relationship ever grow? I don't understand why they need to be emailing eachother on myspace. I told her to take a few months do some soul searching and I would focus on school. She started crying when I said that and said she couldn't do that. She said she spends the most time with me and is just scared.

Oh puhhhlease. She is scared? Good. I'd tell her she needs to figure out what she wants. But don't give her an opening to come back. I mean really dude, do you really want someone like this?

DO I just have to drop her?

YES!!!!!!

Its one thing to stay in touch with people but these guys are being aggresive.

And that is why she moved her profile to single, she wants these guys' attention, and probably more.

I'd just dump her if I were you and move on to greener pastures. Let the other guys have her. You deserve better.

February 19, 2008

I noticed that papaer cuts mentioned insecurities (I knew someone would sooner or later) Frankly Idon't think this is about insecurities.

No, it most certainly is NOT about insecurities. It would be insecurity on your part if she gave you absolutely NO reason to doubt her.

But she is giving you major reasons to doubt her. She anounces to the world she is not in a relationship after these guys pursued her.

February 19, 2008

I noticed that papaer cuts mentioned insecurities (I knew someone would sooner or later) Frankly Idon't think this is about insecurities. I don't think any of these guys penis is bigger then mine. In fact the only insecurity (if that is what you would call it) is that she has been having trouble because I am to big for her. should I be worried that she would like a guy with a smaller penis so it wouldn't hurt? .

Ok, I missed this. Dude, if you think you are hurting her, think again.

I think if a woman can go through child birth and pass a volleyball through that area, I think they can handle whatever you have for them, no matter how big you think you are.

February 19, 2008

Yeah but her vagina gets very swollen and sore

February 19, 2008

Its tough to give second chances, if it didn't work out the first time, what makes you think it will now? That is a big question you need to ask, I'm not saying it can't happen, just make sure you know what your getting into. Your already questioning her loyalty, that needs to be brought up in the open as soon as possible, otherwise its just going to escalate and get worse. Before you get set on her, you need to know your both in this together.

February 19, 2008

she says she only wants to be with me. but her last boyfriend left her with no friends....nobody. she doesn't want to wind up like that again.

February 19, 2008

this is her away message on aim:

traits of a pisces women -Yes we do like to play and tease, thats a major part of our attraction. Where your insightfulness really shows up is that you realize that it masks our shyness. Most of the time we feel we have to be "on' because we can experience so many emotions at once that others possibly won't understand. we often don't understand them ourselves. It amazes me that even my good friends don't believe it when I say something about my being shy.that shows that as much as they know me, they really don't know me. I won't show vulnerablility if I can help it. But to go a little deeper, we can run the risk of losing someone we really like by "playing" but believe me, it's usually not because we don't care, it's because we probably do, but it's really risky for a Pisces to show how we really feel about someone. If someone broke our trust or heart it's harder to show the real us to someone new. We usually go off and cry our tears in private, try to catch our breath and try to face the world again with a confidence we don't feel inside. Personally, I feel that if I don't show how much I care until I am absolutely sure of someone's true feelings for me, and I do mean SURE, then I can't be hurt! Being vulnerable is dangerous to our sensitive nature. It's about protection. Now, we can be a bit wishy-washy sometimes. But If we really like a person there is no doubt for us, but "protection of my little heart" is a golden rule until we think we know it's safe. When you are loved by a Pisces woman, you have no doubt that the love is there and strong, but you have to show us that you will mean business or we will retreat out of fear giving off that "whatever" attitude. It's out of fear of appearing foolish and falling hard and fast for the wrong guy..AGAIN!! We love HARD and when we are hurt it shakes us to the core and takes a lot to recover if that love and respect is not returned

February 19, 2008

Huh? I didn't know you had kid(s)?

I don't. I've never heard a woman say she felt pleasure as a result of childbirth. And I've had sex with a guy who was, in fact, too big to feel pleasurable - it hurt!

But that's not really relevant here. This gal is not sufficiently into Messenger to remain in a committed relationship with her.

Edited February 19, 2008 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

February 19, 2008

Yeah but her vagina gets very swollen and sore

Even a little one probably hurts if you ram it too much.

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She has guy friends....and she's dated a couple of them

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