willodeewisp Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 I don't think I've ever felt this much pain! It has only been 4 days since I've had NC with MM and I feel like I've been punched in the stomach. What do I focus on to get my mind off of him? I keep thinking I can go back to a PA with no strings, but the emotions and attachment are there already, hence the agony over NC, so am I just fooling myself? How long does the pain last?
Meaplus3 Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 I don't think I've ever felt this much pain! It has only been 4 days since I've had NC with MM and I feel like I've been punched in the stomach. What do I focus on to get my mind off of him? I keep thinking I can go back to a PA with no strings, but the emotions and attachment are there already, hence the agony over NC, so am I just fooling myself? How long does the pain last? Hi there, Yes NC is tough and at the start of it very tough. What can you focus on to get your mind of mm? Hobby's, Family friend's..any little distraction's can help. Yes.. you are fooling yourself if you think you can go back! You need to move forward.. let this go..It's a differnt time frame for everyone, IMO. Don't beat yourself up for feeling so bad right now.. thing's will get better! AP:)
whichwayisup Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t56954/ This thread is on-going in the coping section and has helped many LS'ers.
Author willodeewisp Posted February 18, 2008 Author Posted February 18, 2008 Thank you for directing me to that thread, it was very insightful. My problem is that I was the one who suggested a break, and now I'm doubting my decision. I confess I broke down and called him today. Got his voice mail, so didn't actually talk to him but...heaven help me!
OpenBook Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 Time is your best friend right now. Go easy on yourself. Every day is a little bit better. Remember that the quickest way to the other side is going straight through it. [[[willodeewisp]]], and know that most of us out there have gone through the same thing. You're not alone.
Author willodeewisp Posted February 18, 2008 Author Posted February 18, 2008 I am truly grateful for all the words of encouragement. This forum does help, and without it I think I would be crawling the walls. Background to my story: Both he and I are married with no children. Both of our marriages lack physical intimacy and are more based on mutal friendship and companionship. We originally got together for the main reason of sex, and descovered that we actually did like each other as people and not sex objects. Because of this we became friends as well as lovers and both fell in love with one another. He has issues with how people perceive him and needs everyone to like him always, this is why he won't leave because he doesn't want her or her family to think negatively about him. Me, well, I don't want to inflict my husband with anymore pain than neccessary. Where my husband is concerned I'm very torn. Do I do what is right? Or do I do what will make me happy? and perhaps him in the long run? We have a very good relationship, however I am not physically attracted to him and never really have been. We've gone to counselling for this, but it hasn't helped. Unfortunately I can't force attraction, it either is or isn't. So do I set us both free by leaving, or do I stay? I have asked my husband what he wants and he says he would rather be with me, and no sex, then without me. I am truly f%^*ked up!
bentnotbroken Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 I am truly grateful for all the words of encouragement. This forum does help, and without it I think I would be crawling the walls. Background to my story: Both he and I are married with no children. Both of our marriages lack physical intimacy and are more based on mutal friendship and companionship. We originally got together for the main reason of sex, and descovered that we actually did like each other as people and not sex objects. Because of this we became friends as well as lovers and both fell in love with one another. He has issues with how people perceive him and needs everyone to like him always, this is why he won't leave because he doesn't want her or her family to think negatively about him. Me, well, I don't want to inflict my husband with anymore pain than neccessary. Where my husband is concerned I'm very torn. Do I do what is right? Or do I do what will make me happy? and perhaps him in the long run? We have a very good relationship, however I am not physically attracted to him and never really have been. We've gone to counselling for this, but it hasn't helped. Unfortunately I can't force attraction, it either is or isn't. So do I set us both free by leaving, or do I stay? I have asked my husband what he wants and he says he would rather be with me, and no sex, then without me. I am truly f%^*ked up! Your husband sounds like he is afraid to move on, because of the comfortable and familiar. It's not good for him, nor is your seeking sex elsewhere. It probably would be best for you and certainly for him to divorce him and let him learn to stand on his own 2 feet. If there aren't any children involved, why continue on this path? Surely in the long run, divorce would be better for everyone.
Author willodeewisp Posted February 19, 2008 Author Posted February 19, 2008 Your husband sounds like he is afraid to move on, because of the comfortable and familiar. It's not good for him, nor is your seeking sex elsewhere. It probably would be best for you and certainly for him to divorce him and let him learn to stand on his own 2 feet. If there aren't any children involved, why continue on this path? Surely in the long run, divorce would be better for everyone. Do you really believe this? Divorce causes so much pain. Do others out there agree with this?
whichwayisup Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 Cheating causes alot more pain. Atleast with divorce, there can be closure and both people can move on. To stay in a marriage that you or him settle for will eventually lead to more cheating in the future.
norajane Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 Do you really believe this? Divorce causes so much pain. Do others out there agree with this? Yes, divorce causes pain. But so does betrayal. Which do you think would be worse for your H? A clean divorce leaving him with the opportunity to find another partner who loves AND enjoys sex with him, or finding out that you are sneaking around behind his back with another man? Did you ask your husband if he'd be happier married to you with no sex while you have sex with another man? Life is too short to settle for half an existence. For all four of you involved.
IM5150 Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 I can't imagine NC! I text my OW and if i don't here back from her for a few hours I already feel like I've been punched in the stomach. It sucks. Nothing I do taked my mind off of her either. I think about her 24/7. It sucks,sucks,sucks!
bentnotbroken Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 Do you really believe this? Divorce causes so much pain. Do others out there agree with this? Yes, I do. Would I have rather not found out that Mr. Messy was cheating and he continued to carry on with his behavior, or found out and moved on. I wasn't happy about the divorce and it hurt, but it hurt a lot more to know that he was having sex with someone else and then coming to the home that we made and shared. The divorce allows him the oppertunity to find someone who appreciates him and what he has to offer.
Lookingforward Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 I can't imagine NC! I text my OW and if i don't here back from her for a few hours I already feel like I've been punched in the stomach. It sucks. Nothing I do taked my mind off of her either. I think about her 24/7. It sucks,sucks,sucks! No offence, but you sound more like a 15 year old with a bad case of the hots than a grown married man
Gwyneth Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 NC can be hard, but you are one step closer to freedom from this person, and one step ahead of where you were when you were with him.
stampdaddy Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 Cheating causes alot more pain. Atleast with divorce, there can be closure and both people can move on. To stay in a marriage that you or him settle for will eventually lead to more cheating in the future. I SWEAR to you, she is right.. There is no worse pain than this.. At least with Divorce, you have a "starting point" to heal, with what we are going through, day after day, week after week, month after month, and year after year, we still hurt with no end in sight, UNTIL we end it for good....
Meaplus3 Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 Cheating causes alot more pain. Atleast with divorce, there can be closure and both people can move on. To stay in a marriage that you or him settle for will eventually lead to more cheating in the future. Whichway is very right..I could not agree with her word's more! AP:)
Tomcat33 Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 So do I set us both free by leaving, or do I stay? I have asked my husband what he wants and he says he would rather be with me, and no sex, then without me. I am truly f%^*ked up! Wow that is F'ed up, your H would rather keep you hostage next to him than to let you go so that you can be potentially happy apart from him. That's not love that is extreme neediness, now you have to decide if you are willing to give up your life and a chance at your own happiness to sacrifice it for the security of your H. He'll find happiness again once he comes to terms with the fact it's over but it is HUGE deal to ask someone to stay with you even they don't wish to. I am just not convinced YOU are convinced there is no more attraction between you and your H. What person sacrifices their own well being to such and extent that they would stay with a person they have no romantic/attraction feelings for? Forgive me but something just doesn't add up. And I agree with WWIU nothing is more painful than infidelity, not even a D.
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