Whey2Big4u Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 So here it goes again....hopefully clearer this time. I was with this girl fro six year, we were highschool sweethearts. we got engaged last march and were for six months. her family threw us a party and we were so happy, so i thoaught. Four months ago she broke up with me, it was rather out of the blue. to start i was paying all her bills and for her dog, so that we can save up faster for our wedding, which i was gonna pay for. at the time I had an ammazng job at only 21, which i lost shortly after the break up . she also planned the wedding date and everything.... I even proposed to her twice becasue i got her diffrent rings, she said yes both times. she ws so happy she told everyone we knew and showed me off as if some amazing gift.. well a week prior, she told me that she wanted to postpone the wedding and she asked me to stop paying her bills and that she didnt want to mive in with me. she said that she didnt want to go form her father to me and that she liked to live on her own, that her frined wants to move out with her and she has a place. the weekend prior we had a bunch of our friends over my house for a little party. She told me later on she decided to break up with me that night. the followeing tuesday night she went to dinner with my mother to discuss the wedding. during the talk she text me and asked if i wanted anytrhing and said she loved me. that night we talked and everything seemed normal as usual. the next day i was in the city for work and i told her id visit her at school....she said great but that ill have to ahng out a little while she was in class, i said ok. after work i went to visit her...she usually comes running up to me and hugs me, but this time she slowly walked up to me and looked very upset. i asked what was wrong and she said "I think im breaking up with you". it was outside her college and it was very busy and her frineds were sitting watching......I was so embaressed, i sdaid for her to give me the ring and she did very quickly, it scared em and i gave it back. iwalked away and she followed me crying to a nearby park and continued to tell me why. Its not you its me, you deserve someone better, youre a great guy and someone will be lucky to have you...all the bull one could hear i heard. she said it was loosing a child!!!! when i went back to her to give her something she was at a cafe with a frined eating as if nothing had happened she told her friends to take me out....lets just day i dont remeber that entire week, i drank alot and did some drugs im not to happy about....I normally dont drink or do ANY drugs.... one night she called me and asked if she could still wear the ring??? i told her yes, but was perplexeda t such a question....she told me that when she moves out i can help her and to hold onto her things. then she said she couldnt wait till we could sit and just chill and that sheel even do the dishes. well i had a week of thinnking and was totally humiliated by her actions and suprised her at schoo, and asked for the ring back infront of her frineds..i know it was immature of me, but at the time .....well. she gave it to me with ease and siad here i dont want it back. we took the train back to hger place were i said goodbye and she said well talk again... I said lets give it two months and she said no that i should have taken the break a year prior like she asked.. we did but it only lasted a week. she said she wasnt happy, but she never told me this, she always seemed so happy well i didnt contact ehr for two weeks and then asked to meet up with her, she said yes and then the day of declined. amonth later i asked the same, she said yes. i was not looking for reconcilation, but to talk. I broaght her favorite flowers, just to be nice.....when we met she acted like a totla bithc, the conversation was cold, but decent until i told her what she did was wrong, that it wasnt that she broke up with me, but that i deserved some respect and the way it was done was horiible. for years i never spoke my mind and now i was. as soon as i did the conversation escalated and we cursed eachother out. i sent her some nice messages only to make her angrier later...this made me angry and for the next three months i sent her horrible messages, hoping she will fail and someone will cheat on her as she did me. ( i found out later on she made out with a few people behind my back while we were engaged) well now ive realized that its better to forive and forget then realive and regret....Its been five months now...part of me still wants her and the other part well i dont know. I recently sent her a birthdya card, whichj she just called me to thank for. we talked on the ohne for 15minutes asd iff nothing happened it was great. she told me that one of our friends is sick and i should go see him...well i cant reach him so i contacted her. i also said that it would be nice if we coiuld meet for coffee to just catch up.....this was her response. "Listen. I don't know why Brian isn't picking the phone when you call him. I can't answer for him. If he doesn't want to speak to you after you decided to disappear for a month then I can't help you. I don't think we have a reason to meet up. I'm not interested in catching up. I'm not trying to be a bitch but we're not friends. Sorry to have to cut this off like this,but I don't think you understand any other way. You've spent four months sending me nasty emails and txt msgs. Now you decide to be civil? I don't think that's how it works. Again , sorry, but I can't have any sort of communication with you. Other then what's necessary. " after the breakup i lost all communication with common friends for my own reasons. i sent her a message stating that i guess she wsa never my frined and that i knew about that guy at the bar and i had forgin her. I told her not to read too much into what i was asking and that all i wanteed was to catch up. I endied it with that ill respect her wishes... I also apologized for the emails, but i said i had not regrets for sending them. so here i am upset at the fact how I am still in the wrong when she was the one who did all the horrible things...... part of me just wants to be frined s and i dont know how to salvage it fomr here or to just let go....part of me wants to let go, but ill always wonder WHY? and what could have been.. so heres my main question.....what can i do to start being frineds with her again or just give up....
Miyamoto Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 ?ion, and be truthful... Are you trying to "be friends" to keep hope alive she'll "come to her senses" and get back with you?
Miyamoto Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 ***** what am I saying; of course you are. You posted in the damned Second Chances section. Let it go, and I know it is hard to just say that. Let me assure you I know of these feelings. Girls get really emotional in general, so don't mistake that for an emotional connection with you. They are fully in control when they seem out of control. She wants to move on. She's going to get frustrated with you when you try to drag her back with you. That's why she's so mean. You have to do the same thing she is; find new friends, and lay off the alcohol, at least before bed, because it only enhances negative thoughts. Keep posting, and stay strong, and have no contact with this girl. It's over. Delete her myspace, facebook, AIM, Yahoo, PalTalk, cell number, parent's phone, etc. Every time you want to call her, post something, whether it be angry, or memories of happy times, or whatever. That's what I do. And I do it a lot cuz I want to call her a lot. Peaces
Author Whey2Big4u Posted February 18, 2008 Author Posted February 18, 2008 part of me does want her back, really badly, and then i think and after all she said and done, i dont want her at all. I know for now if i am to get her back or at least as a friend, i mean she was there for me for alot,,,,i have to be a friend
Miyamoto Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 (edited) part of me does want her back, really badly, and then i think and after all she said and done, i dont want her at all. I know for now if i am to get her back or at least as a friend, i mean she was there for me for alot,,,,i have to be a friend NO YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE A FRIEND... I understand this emotion WELL...being an upstanding man, you want to be a gentleman, and be her friend, especially since she was there for you at one time in your life. Sometimes the best thing a gentleman can do is bow out gracefully. Note the gracefully. She doesn't need you. Harsh, but women are not the "damsels in distress" we so often want them to be to fulfill our masculine egos. (Note I did not say frail. Women have bigger egos than men. ) I broke up with my last ex and she asked me not to call. Of course I want to call her. I still love her and I want to be her friend. But I don't call, so she can move on and more importantly, so I can move. Think about this; let me know your thoughts. Edited February 18, 2008 by Miyamoto
Author Whey2Big4u Posted February 18, 2008 Author Posted February 18, 2008 I can see what you mean. And believe I have mived on in so many other ways, but i still have this one little feeling buring at me......Its hard to hear someone say they want you cant live eithout and cant wait to spend the rest of her life with you and have kids, as she so did many a time and in writing, to hear well were not frineds i dont neew you or want you.
Author Whey2Big4u Posted February 18, 2008 Author Posted February 18, 2008 and to further things, i let her have soooo much freedom. she did what ever she want and never told me and.....well you get the piont. I think i let her have too much space. I was never jelous and in fact i was very confident and would joke all the itme and say that if a guy hits on you, hopefully he buys you a drink, when sadly she did alot of things behind my back
Miyamoto Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 I can see what you mean. And believe I have mived on in so many other ways, but i still have this one little feeling buring at me......Its hard to hear someone say they want you cant live eithout and cant wait to spend the rest of her life with you and have kids, as she so did many a time and in writing, to hear well were not frineds i dont neew you or want you. Man, that's just what girls do... doesn't matter how old they get, it's the same thing. I love you, I hate you, I can't live without you, now get out. That's how they draw you in so that they can have their pick of lovestruck guys to choose from. Trust me, this is where all the girl-talk conversations come from, of "OMG, Billy is sooo into me but I just don't know...OMG what do I do? He's kind of stalkerish!!" It's like a competition with them. How many guys can they get all doey-eyed? Gotta learn to use The Force when you hear that crap... And also, it's good to be confident, but you have to set boundaries. Girls your age need a little daddy in their boyfriend. Don't be afraid to tell them str8 up what you will not put up with. They'll btich around for a minute to test if you're serious, but then they'll love you for it.
Author Whey2Big4u Posted February 18, 2008 Author Posted February 18, 2008 well not neccesarily. after the break up i went out eith antoher girl.... after being walked on by the last one, when she pulled her **** i told her straight out what i didnt like... she didnt agree with me and broke up with me... so as my father puts it damned if you do damned if you dont
jefferino Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 6 years is an extremely long time...I thought 3 years with my ex was a long time....In my personal experience, and just general knowledge, women decide things for many different reasons....How they grew up, thier morals, Who they interact with, when youre not around. Do their friends influence them to sway their thinking?... My guess is someone was whispering in her ear "Are you SURE you want to marry this guy?" and instantly the spark of doubt flickers in her head...Women dont know what they want until they're at least 25-30 years old (IMO) This is not the day and age to get married bub, just look at the divorce rate...My personal belief is if you love someone, you can be their 'life partner' without taking the plunge, having the huge $20,000 wedding and buying the $2,500 ring...I mean look on the bright side, at least you didnt spend all that money just to have her leave you at the alter right?
Author Whey2Big4u Posted February 18, 2008 Author Posted February 18, 2008 Well i spent over 10 grand on her lol, i guess youre right. Its weird now that you mention it, for years i was her only real frined, all other friends came and went, but at hard times i was always there. Now she found a group of really low down disgusting people, she stopped talking to all of our common frineds for these poeple. she thinks they are truelly her freinds. I know in a few months they will do something she doesnt like and go back to ahving no freinds again. its something that happended alot throughout the six years.
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