Author Star Gazer Posted February 19, 2008 Author Posted February 19, 2008 Well the problem with dating casually is that there is always a potential for that casual date to become more serious. And then what do you do, not ready to be in a relationship, but having already started dating guy in question? Well I suppose in that scenario you either jump in headfirst or you break guy in question's heart. I mean, don't almost all serious relationships start off as casual dating? just asking! I know, I see what you're saying. I could always say, "I want to take this slow and casual..." but somewhere down the line if I'm still not ready for a relationship and he is, he'd be mad/angry/sad/whatever. I could say what so many guys have told me, "BUT I TOLD YOU I wasn't ready for a relationship yet and wanted to take things slowly..." but his response (same as mine) as it should be would be, "AND don't almost all relationships start off as casual dating? If that's not where you wanted to end up, why start??" I'm confusing myself...
xpaperxcutx Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 I know, I see what you're saying. I could always say, "I want to take this slow and casual..." but somewhere down the line if I'm still not ready for a relationship and he is, he'd be mad/angry/sad/whatever. I could say what so many guys have told me, "BUT I TOLD YOU I wasn't ready for a relationship yet and wanted to take things slowly..." but his response (same as mine) as it should be would be, "AND don't almost all relationships start off as casual dating? If that's not where you wanted to end up, why start??" I'm confusing myself... I think I kind of understand. But then what if you were to "casually date" someone who feels EXACTLY how you feel? where he also wasn't ready for a relationship? Then that would totally cancel the whole thing out. Omg I hope that made sense.
Art_Critic Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 but somewhere down the line if I'm still not ready for a relationship and he is, he'd be mad/angry/sad/whatever. A guy ready for a relationship... come on SG ..hahahaha The guy would be all bummed out because his gravy train of poontang is leaving the station...
Author Star Gazer Posted February 19, 2008 Author Posted February 19, 2008 I think I kind of understand. But then what if you were to "casually date" someone who feels EXACTLY how you feel? where he also wasn't ready for a relationship? Then that would totally cancel the whole thing out. Omg I hope that made sense. No, I get it. Thing is, I bet you a million dollars that I'd decide that I DID want a relationship and then I'd be stuck holding the bag AGAIN! It's a damned-if-you-do, damned-if-you-don't situation, me thinks.
Author Star Gazer Posted February 19, 2008 Author Posted February 19, 2008 A guy ready for a relationship... come on SG ..hahahaha The guy would be all bummed out because his gravy train of poontang is leaving the station... There will be no gravy train of poontang with me, buddy!!
XxBacktoBlackXx Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 I know what you mean about the confusion that "casual dating" brings. I've started out with that intention before and then ended up getting too emotionally attached, even though I really wasn't ready for a relationship. I agree with your therapist that a break up takes a lot of time. Also, is that you in your picture Star? You're gorgeous!!
Author Star Gazer Posted February 19, 2008 Author Posted February 19, 2008 Also, is that you in your picture Star? You're gorgeous!! Nope... but hopefully close!
XxBacktoBlackXx Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 I'm sure you're just as pretty. You're personality is quite beautiful from what we've all seen here. Best of luck with getting over the EX. I know that can be horrible. Personally, my last "ex" I had to go NC with in order to get anywhere close to getting over him. Inevitably, I messed it up by drunk dialing him a few weeks ago and bitching him out. Oh well! I've already moved on, but way to seem like a weirdo.
Kamille Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 I have no opinion about anything whatsoever, except I like the tone of your posts SG. You do sound like you are moving on. I get the impression you've finally taken a deep breath and thinking about yourself. Yesss.... Now to date casually or not date casually.... I'd be inclined to say why worry about a problem until there is one? Go out with this man - he cheers you up. If it gets complicated, then you can deal with this. Anything else is preemptive problem-solving. As of yet, we don't even know if there is a problem. Plus, you are kind-hearted and I know you wouldn't string anyone along.
Author Star Gazer Posted February 19, 2008 Author Posted February 19, 2008 My berries just arrived. I just gorged myself on two of them. He's ruining my waistline!
underpants Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 I think this might be a good thing. You are cautious/distanced enough to take this new opportunity in an open and honest fashion. I like it when a relationship can start off on that footing. No doe eyes, no second guessing. Just be real and honest and not worried how he will perceive things. This works suprizingly well. A more mature but better type of rollar coaster. As for holding onto the ex via friendship. Well, I am not one to do that. It makes it hard to be fully open to a new experience. You don't have to hate him. However, it was his choice. The funny thing is that I am somewhat sure that if you do embrace a new opportunity and you genuinely like this guy, Mr ex will all of a sudden realize your value. That's the rub. Onward and upward Star.
sunshinegirl Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 I've never understood why people stay in contact after a breakup. Of course getting over someone takes time and is hard. But what, exactly, about staying in touch makes it any easier? As many of you have probably read or heard somewhere, getting over someone is a lot like kicking an addiction. Any and every contact with the source of addiction causes another high, with another hard crash afterwards. So the payoff is the immediate gratification of hearing his voice, getting a little taste of hope that makes you think one day, possibly, he'll be back... And that little bit of gratification is worth the horrible crash afterwards when he inevitably disappoints you - doesn't call when he says he will, alludes to dating someone else, lets you know he's glad you broke up, etc? I'm asking that in the general, universal, sense, but SG I beg of you, please cut off contact with your ex. Unless I missed something along the way, I can't think of a single reason why staying in touch is healthy, good, uplifting, or positive for you.
sb129 Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 Don't worry. I'm not jumping into another relationship. I just want to date. .. Oh I know! I like the tone of your posts SG. You do sound like you are moving on. I get the impression you've finally taken a deep breath and thinking about yourself. Yesss.... Now to date casually or not date casually.... I'd be inclined to say why worry about a problem until there is one? Go out with this man - he cheers you up. If it gets complicated, then you can deal with this. Anything else is preemptive problem-solving. As of yet, we don't even know if there is a problem. Plus, you are kind-hearted and I know you wouldn't string anyone along. I agree with this too.. No reason why you can't talk to your therapist AND have fun casual dating too.
Lishy Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 I cant see how you can want to date when you have not even washed the last one out of your hair yet, but if it makes you happy then go for it, just be careful you don't get your feelings hurt again and keep your eyes open!
Author Star Gazer Posted February 20, 2008 Author Posted February 20, 2008 Yeah - I think I'm ready to date. This new guy appears to be blowing me off. I'm a little disappointed, bruised ego, but nothing more. *Shrug* On to the next.
Cobra_X30 Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 Yeah - I think I'm ready to date. This new guy appears to be blowing me off. I'm a little disappointed, bruised ego, but nothing more. *Shrug* On to the next. Well, now that your ready. How have you been picking your men? Where are you finding these guys?
Author Star Gazer Posted February 20, 2008 Author Posted February 20, 2008 Well, now that your ready. How have you been picking your men? Where are you finding these guys? I'm not looking. This guy is the boss of a friend. She was trying to set us up. He was very interested (it seemed), but he's recently become extraordinarily busy with work. Understandable, but you know what they say... there's always time if you want there to be.
Cobra_X30 Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 I'm not looking. This guy is the boss of a friend. She was trying to set us up. He was very interested (it seemed), but he's recently become extraordinarily busy with work. Understandable, but you know what they say... there's always time if you want there to be. Yes... you make time for those things which are important to you. In my opinion, what you need often falls in your lap when you stop looking. I know you can handle whatever comes your way. You've shown remarkable strength through this. Do you feel that you have learned anything?
Author Star Gazer Posted February 20, 2008 Author Posted February 20, 2008 Do you feel that you have learned anything? Yes. I've learned to look at a person's core rather than simply what they do to woo me.
Jilly Bean Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 This guy is the boss of a friend. She was trying to set us up. Star - do you think if you dated him and it went awry that it would affect your gf's work situation? I ask because my Dad was in executive management for many years of a large Fortune 50 company (I sound like Im on Wheel of Fortune), and one of the big wheels wives wanted to have my Dad fix me up with their son. My Dad, knowing my relationship history, took the high road and refused, since he didn't want his career jeopardized when I pulled a typical JB on the guy - lol. I dont think hes blown you off, and even if he has, so what. I think youre making progress in the right direction by even entertaining the thought of dating someone new, and thats all good!
Lishy Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 Maybe you should steer clear of dating now. Every time a guy acts like a jerk to you is just more rejection and that is not good for you. You need to build up your self esteem, not knock it down!
Author Star Gazer Posted February 20, 2008 Author Posted February 20, 2008 Star - do you think if you dated him and it went awry that it would affect your gf's work situation? I ask because my Dad was in executive management for many years of a large Fortune 50 company (I sound like Im on Wheel of Fortune), and one of the big wheels wives wanted to have my Dad fix me up with their son. My Dad, knowing my relationship history, took the high road and refused, since he didn't want his career jeopardized when I pulled a typical JB on the guy - lol. I dont think hes blown you off, and even if he has, so what. I think youre making progress in the right direction by even entertaining the thought of dating someone new, and thats all good! I don't think so. She works there part-time while she's in school, won't stay there long term. They have a buddy-buddy working relationship, not the typical high-brow boss-employee relationship. Either way, I'm okay with it.
Jilly Bean Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 OK, cool. I just know I could probably cause someone to lose a job - lol. And is that you in the pic? Not to sound lesbionic, but you look like a Greek Goddess! He's a tool if he blows you off. BUT, I suspect he is probably genuinely busy. And Im going to take Cobra's advice and just wait for stuff to fall in my lap. What with the Lunar Eclipse, all kinds of magical things are possible!
Author Star Gazer Posted February 20, 2008 Author Posted February 20, 2008 No, he's definitely blowing me off. He told me he was on Match, and that that's how he was able to meet and date other women with his schedule. I found him on there... and every time I click on his profile, it says he's online. If he has time to be traipsing around Match, he has time to respond to my message.
Jilly Bean Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 Ok, well then. It's not like you can really process this like a personal slight, I mean - he's never met you. I wouldn't read anything into it. But again, the good take-away is that you're moving on from the ex...
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