Author Star Gazer Posted February 18, 2008 Author Posted February 18, 2008 I think you, like me, are somebody who attaches fast when you're really into a guy. It usually takes longer for the guy to get to the same place. This was also addressed in another thread (by Melody, I think?) - that we should wait to really open up before we know that the guy is really into US. I find that nearly impossible to do, but I'm soooooooo gonna try!!! Egads!
Author Star Gazer Posted February 18, 2008 Author Posted February 18, 2008 Fray - You have crossed several lines here and your comments are completely inappropriate. No where on any of your threads has anyone ever thumbed their noses at you - yet here you are doing it to someone. So let me point out that the issues that exit within your relationship have nothing to do with whether or note your b/f loves you - they all revolve around YOU. I agree with SG your input is neither welcome nor respected here. At least learn how to take constructive input before you try to give it. Thanks, lady.
curiousnycgirl Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 OK so back to SG - several of you have asked what is intermittency - my shrink would tell you about once every other week - but that seems far. I'll agree with Shadowplay and say no more than once a week. Take your time!!!! In the meanwhile do stuff that you love to do! Go to the theater, movies, library, blading, whatever - but make plans! For goodness sake if I recall correctly you live in southern california right? Oodles of stuff to do - both spendy and cheap. We are way more happy and way more interesting to others when we have full, active lives. Don't every let it become about him (whoever he is). So let's throw a real curve ball out - go out with the friend's boss, AND if someone else asks - go out with him too. HAVE FUN!!!!!! It wasn't until I stopped putting pressure on myself to be in a relatinship that I truly started to enjoy my life. Learn from this old fart! do it now! I'm just so excited for you!
curiousnycgirl Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 Thanks, lady. As always you are most welcome.
Author Star Gazer Posted February 18, 2008 Author Posted February 18, 2008 Yeeeeaaahhh, if I like someone, there's no way in hell I'm gonna wait 2 weeks between dates (unless circumstances - like travel or whatever - require it). Once a week is do-able. I was in SoCal, but now I'm in NorCal. Still, tons to do! I find myself smiling at the prospects of my love life... first time in a long time. Can't help it.
jerbear Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 Yeeeeaaahhh, if I like someone, there's no way in hell I'm gonna wait 2 weeks between dates (unless circumstances - like travel or whatever - require it). Once a week is do-able. I was in SoCal, but now I'm in NorCal. Still, tons to do! I find myself smiling at the prospects of my love life... first time in a long time. Can't help it. I think you sound ready to move on.
Author Star Gazer Posted February 18, 2008 Author Posted February 18, 2008 I think you sound ready to move on. Gimme a couple hours or a VM from the Ex, and I'll be back to moping.
sunshinegirl Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 Actually, no. But not for lack of trying! I mean, honestly, what helps me get over one guy is usually interest in (or from) another guy. Flirtation, a few dates, etc. But that obviously doesn't necessarily equate to being in a relationship. The last full-on boyfriend I had before this one ended back in May/June 2006. BF and I didn't start dating until September 2007. So that's quite a while as a singleton. Oh - okay, somebody on here suggested that that was the case. I guess I would suggest that you be careful about rebounding with this guy. Not five days ago you were waiting on the edge of your chair to get flowers from your ex. Something good seems to have happened on Saturday in terms of helping you get over him. But you're not there yet and if this new guy has promise, maybe giving yourself the space to really really get over the ex will set you up to be really really ready for the new guy. Good luck...
whichwayisup Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 How do I do this? Yes, that was a test...which means you're not ready to date, let alone date casually and keep things light. SG, you need to be alone and heal. You cannot offer your heart or accept someone else's heart right now. You know this...So, don't be scared of being alone in that sense, of not dating anyone, not having cuddles, sex etc...(Shower massager! Sorry, had to slip that into conversation )
Author Star Gazer Posted February 18, 2008 Author Posted February 18, 2008 Oh - okay, somebody on here suggested that that was the case. I know. I've been accused of that before. I think I'm always talking about some guy I'm dating, so perhaps I've given that impression. But really, it hasn't been the case. I did date a guy very briefly who I was VERY into in April/May of last year... and while I dated randomly over the summer, I don't think I really got over him until Ex came along. I guess I would suggest that you be careful about rebounding with this guy. Not five days ago you were waiting on the edge of your chair to get flowers from your ex. I know! That's what worries me. Not only about not being ready, but about my ability to flip-flop on my own emotions so easily. Trust me, within a day or so I'll be back to feeling some sadness over my ex. It's like a cycle or something, but I'm noticing each sad phase of the cycle is getting shorter and shorter.
Author Star Gazer Posted February 18, 2008 Author Posted February 18, 2008 Yes, that was a test...which means you're not ready to date, let alone date casually and keep things light. SG, you need to be alone and heal. You cannot offer your heart or accept someone else's heart right now. You know this...So, don't be scared of being alone in that sense, of not dating anyone, not having cuddles, sex etc...(Shower massager! Sorry, had to slip that into conversation ) I don't know this though. I don't know. I don't know anything. *sigh*
jerbear Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 Gimme a couple hours or a VM from the Ex, and I'll be back to moping. women! can't live with them, can't live without them!! :rolleyes:
Author Star Gazer Posted February 18, 2008 Author Posted February 18, 2008 women! can't live with them, can't live without them!! :rolleyes: MEN! Can't live with 'em, and... can't live with 'em!
scratch Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 Please direct your correspondence to JB via PM. Your commentary about your relationship has no place in my thread. Thanks. Let's not let Fray make my thread all about her as well, okay guys? Fray - I agree with SG your input is neither welcome nor respected here. At least learn how to take constructive input before you try to give it. Thanks, lady. So, it's okay to share ideas and opinions about the comparison as long as they are in accordance with your own? Ideally, I'd have some clever way to tie this in to the focus of the thread, but it would be a reach. I generally find your behavior on this forum to be self-involved, myopic and hypocritical. In the unlikely event that you find this criticism constructive, you're welcome. If not, we can do the thing where you tell me how ignorant I am, and I cite other posts you've made.
jerbear Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 MEN! Can't live with 'em, and... can't live with 'em! Touche! :lmao:
Author Star Gazer Posted February 18, 2008 Author Posted February 18, 2008 So, it's okay to share ideas and opinions about the comparison as long as they are in accordance with your own? So long as the comparison is comparing apples to apples, and not apples to DANCING KANGAROOS, yes. Particularly when it's done in such a childish way. Nevertheless, comparing my relationship with my EX BOYFRIEND to the so-called "relationship" she has IN THIS THREAD, which is about me DATING SOMEONE ELSE, is of absolutely NO USE. What is the point in addressing my Ex's feelings, or lack thereof, here? There isn't one. Ideally, I'd have some clever way to tie this in to the focus of the thread, but it would be a reach. I generally find your behavior on this forum to be self-involved, myopic and hypocritical. We're ALL much better at giving advice than taking our own. Sure, I can shout from the mountaintops, "Do not take this crap from a man! Be your own woman!" while I have difficulty moving on myself. However, in Fray's case, she's not only giving advice she herself can't take (although she does that as well), but her own boyfriend would be best served by taking the very advice she's giving me. If there's ANY comparison to be had, it's that I am (er, WAS) in her BF's shoes...involved with someone who is wholly incapable of a healthy, adult relationship.
curiousnycgirl Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 So, it's okay to share ideas and opinions about the comparison as long as they are in accordance with your own? Ideally, I'd have some clever way to tie this in to the focus of the thread, but it would be a reach. I generally find your behavior on this forum to be self-involved, myopic and hypocritical. In the unlikely event that you find this criticism constructive, you're welcome. If not, we can do the thing where you tell me how ignorant I am, and I cite other posts you've made. Scratch - your point is quite valid, although I don't see the constructive side of it. For my part I would just say the specific poster involved brought it on herself with her own posts.
whichwayisup Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 I don't know this though. I don't know. I don't know anything. *sigh* Look at your posts. Your emotions and heart are all over the place. You have anything to 'give' a new relationship, let alone fall for someone else. You have emotional baggage that needs to be healed first, before going off and getting involved with someone else.
shadowplay Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 So long as the comparison is comparing apples to apples, and not apples to DANCING KANGAROOS, yes. Particularly when it's done in such a childish way. Nevertheless, comparing my relationship with my EX BOYFRIEND to the so-called "relationship" she has IN THIS THREAD, which is about me DATING SOMEONE ELSE, is of absolutely NO USE. What is the point in addressing my Ex's feelings, or lack thereof, here? There isn't one. We're ALL much better at giving advice than taking our own. Sure, I can shout from the mountaintops, "Do not take this crap from a man! Be your own woman!" while I have difficulty moving on myself. However, in Fray's case, she's not only giving advice she herself can't take (although she does that as well), but her own boyfriend would be best served by taking the very advice she's giving me. If there's ANY comparison to be had, it's that I am (er, WAS) in her BF's shoes...involved with someone who is wholly incapable of a healthy, adult relationship. I don't think an advice giver's personal choices always have bearing on the sageness of the advice they give. I know I'm pretty good at giving advice and have a head on my shoulders, but I lose all perspective when it comes to my own life because emotions come into play. I do think Fray was very out of line by getting into a petty competition with you. It just reveals her own insecurities. I'd brush it off.
Author Star Gazer Posted February 18, 2008 Author Posted February 18, 2008 Look at your posts. Your emotions and heart are all over the place. You have anything to 'give' a new relationship, let alone fall for someone else. You have emotional baggage that needs to be healed first, before going off and getting involved with someone else. They are, you're right. Perhaps this is premature... but how do I know I'm ready? When I stop asking if I am?
Author Star Gazer Posted February 18, 2008 Author Posted February 18, 2008 I don't think an advice giver's personal choices always have bearing on the sageness of the advice they give. I know I'm pretty good at giving advice and have a head on my shoulders, but I lose all perspective when it comes to my own life because emotions come into play. I do think Fray was very out of line by getting into a petty competition with you. It just reveals her own insecurities. I'd brush it off. Sure, you make some choices I would never even consider. But at the same time, you've demonstrated a certain maturity and understanding about human interaction that makes me actually seek out your advice. Does that make sense? I think when you visit others' threads, you check your own emotions at the door, while relying on history to shape your perspective. I respect that and try to do the same thing.
curiousnycgirl Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 They are, you're right. Perhaps this is premature... but how do I know I'm ready? When I stop asking if I am? Yes it is premature to be entering a relationship - but three is nothing wrong with meeting the guy and having dinner! Keep it casual, see others. Hey you haven't even met this guy - he might just be a great friend. what you do need to do is question yourself if you start thinking OMG he's the one. then you need to rein yourself in and say I'm not ready for this! remember no more than once a week. and no don't tell him it's cuz curious said so - say sounds great, thanks but I have another committment.
scratch Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 So long as the comparison is comparing apples to apples, and not apples to DANCING KANGAROOS, yes. Particularly when it's done in such a childish way. Nevertheless, comparing my relationship with my EX BOYFRIEND to the so-called "relationship" she has IN THIS THREAD, which is about me DATING SOMEONE ELSE, is of absolutely NO USE. What is the point in addressing my Ex's feelings, or lack thereof, here? There isn't one. My comment has nothing to do with the appropriateness of her comparisons or relevance of her points. I was very clear on that. It has everything to do with creating an environment where people are allowed to comment on irrelevant points if and only if they agree with you. That attitude is prevalent in all aspects of life, and tends to be self-defeating. We're ALL much better at giving advice than taking our own. Sure, I can shout from the mountaintops, "Do not take this crap from a man! Be your own woman!" while I have difficulty moving on myself. I applaud your recognition of that point. Keep working at it - it's something I struggle with as well. However, in Fray's case, she's not only giving advice she herself can't take (although she does that as well), but her own boyfriend would be best served by taking the very advice she's giving me. If there's ANY comparison to be had, it's that I am (er, WAS) in her BF's shoes...involved with someone who is wholly incapable of a healthy, adult relationship. Consistent with my first point in this post, I recommend you drop this. CNYC - Do you see now why I felt it was constructive?
Author Star Gazer Posted February 18, 2008 Author Posted February 18, 2008 Consistent with my first point in this post, I recommend you drop this. CNYC - Do you see now why I felt it was constructive? You bring it up, ask me to respond, tell me to drop it. How is that constructive? Please stay on-topic or I'll report your posts. Thanks.
Author Star Gazer Posted February 18, 2008 Author Posted February 18, 2008 what you do need to do is question yourself if you start thinking OMG he's the one. then you need to rein yourself in and say I'm not ready for this! Trust me, if I start thinking that way, I'll be RIGHT BACK HERE!! HAHA! remember no more than once a week. and no don't tell him it's cuz curious said so - say sounds great, thanks but I have another committment. I fully intend on telling him the source of my position.
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