miller1964 Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 Hi...I posted this in another forum. But I not sure if this is a better forum for my question... My ex bf of 3 years and I broke up 8 monthes ago because I caught him lying and cheating. It was a very ugly break up. A few monthes ago he returned telling me how sorry he was and that he was making changes to be a better person. So we have been working on getting our friendship back. I believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt. But he understands that I have a lot of trust issues with him. He proceeded to break up with the girl he cheated on me with. He claimed he never wanted to talk to her again. She is a drunk and not worth his time...he claimed. I took that as a good sign that he wanted to regain my trust. This week he has been asking to get back together with me sexually only. I said I would think about it. But I suspect it isn't a good idea because I don't trust him yet. Well, during that conversation, I find out that he is STILL talking to the woman he cheated on me with. I asked him why he lied and told me he never wanted to talk to her again. He claims that he wasn't "lying". He just changed his mind. He said he wanted to keep talking with her. I got angry as I see this as just a crafty way of trying to get out of a lie. I told him that to be friends with me it was important that he stop all the sources of our initial conflict...i.e. this girl that he was his lying and cheating with. He said he would continue to chat with her. I told him I thought it was best not to remain friends as I think he lacks integrity and the ability to be honest and stick by it. He felt I had no right to ask him to stop chatting with her. He doesn't like "ultimatums". Did I over react? Do I have the right to ask that he stop speaking with her??...we are not dating only friends right now...but he does want to sleep with me. Is he just trying to keep me and her at the same time? Thanks!
witabix Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 Hi...I posted this in another forum. But I not sure if this is a better forum for my question... My ex bf of 3 years and I broke up 8 monthes ago because I caught him lying and cheating. It was a very ugly break up. A few monthes ago he returned telling me how sorry he was and that he was making changes to be a better person. So we have been working on getting our friendship back. I believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt. But he understands that I have a lot of trust issues with him. He proceeded to break up with the girl he cheated on me with. He claimed he never wanted to talk to her again. She is a drunk and not worth his time...he claimed. I took that as a good sign that he wanted to regain my trust. This week he has been asking to get back together with me sexually only. I said I would think about it. But I suspect it isn't a good idea because I don't trust him yet. Well, during that conversation, I find out that he is STILL talking to the woman he cheated on me with. I asked him why he lied and told me he never wanted to talk to her again. He claims that he wasn't "lying". He just changed his mind. He said he wanted to keep talking with her. I got angry as I see this as just a crafty way of trying to get out of a lie. I told him that to be friends with me it was important that he stop all the sources of our initial conflict...i.e. this girl that he was his lying and cheating with. He said he would continue to chat with her. I told him I thought it was best not to remain friends as I think he lacks integrity and the ability to be honest and stick by it. He felt I had no right to ask him to stop chatting with her. He doesn't like "ultimatums". Did I over react? Do I have the right to ask that he stop speaking with her??...we are not dating only friends right now...but he does want to sleep with me. Is he just trying to keep me and her at the same time? Thanks! No you didn't over react. IMHO that was the correct thing to do. You have to ask yourself if you really want to be in a R with this guy again. He doesn't like ultimatums.....did he like cheating on you? Tough cheese my son, thats what happens when you are jerk, should have been your reply. He sounds like a twister though, I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw a stuggling Hippopotamus.
Miyamoto Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 I think it's time to start healing... you are still delusional... if somebody, anybody else that you had a "friendship" with came up to you after betraying your trust somehow, and asked, not to make up for the thing they did wrong, but to SLEEP WITH YOU, how would you react? Kick this loser to the curb and have sex with me. I assure you, I will be much more upfront about my other women.
Author miller1964 Posted February 19, 2008 Author Posted February 19, 2008 Moto - ha ha cute. Thanks for the advice from you both. You are absolutely right. Any feelings I had for him quicky changed. He will lie and betray everyone. Thanks again for confirming what I already thought. I consider myself lucky to see him for who he truly is and got out before I lost myself.
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