eagle5 Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 Wow, I've had the wierdest of days (or at least 2 days). My story (if u don't know) has been that I split up with my wife last year after years of problems where we grew further and further apart, then a month later I met who I consider the love of my life (gf), the one. That lasted 10 months and then she ended it after I was TOTALLY in love with her. I've been doing nc for a while and not hearing from the ex gf has helped me even though I'm still completely still in love with her. Well last night I got a call from my wife (soon to be ex wife) who had been to a family thing and she said how much she'd missed me being there, (lots of kids and fathers etc), we've been on a friendly basis for a while and I asked her if she wanted to meet for a drink as she sounded stressed and upset. We did and had quite a few and talked a load, then we went back to her house and she kissed me!!! ok I didn't resist too much but felt it wasn't right as I was still in love with my ex gf and because of the our history, she asked me to stay but I said no. I still care for her immensely and love her as the mother of my boys but the spark just wasn't there. If anything could be done to make things ok between us I'd grab it but like I say I'm still madly in love with the girl I met after we split up. I'm just so confused at the moment, I'd run round the world a billion times on one leg to get my ex gf back, how she has inflenced my life in such a massive way in just 10 months I will never know, but she has, she ended it in Dec and I've been to hell and back ever since. I have a brilliant relationship with my boys, that is a god send, I'm just sooo confused, I want to move on from the past but where I need to go is a mistery to me. I'm hanging on for my ex gf, probably pointless I know, but I can't let go. I'm thinking should I just go back to my stbx wife or should I just say b******s to it all and stay single??? What's really wierd today is the bar maid in my local asked me out today and I declined (politely), she's lovely but as I'm sure you can understand my mind isn't in any position to be with anyone at the moment. Please any words of inspiration or even any words at all would be greatly appreciated (and needed now), I just feel lost with no direction.. Thanks LC friends...
MissTiss Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 Two words: Marriage Counseling. I don't know if you tried that, but if you are struggling in any way with your relationship with your ex-wife (or soon to be) it may be your heart telling you it's not over... I am an advocate of marriage and barring cheating, beating, or lying I think anyone can work on their marriage. It's hard to remember that relationships are not self sustaining...they require lots and lots and lots of work.
dfreeman Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 Wow, this is gonna sound crude but it seems s simple! Bang the barmaid to help you get over the ex (especially if she's hot cuz this information could make it back to the exgf). All the while, start to re-connect with the stbxw, but be ultra-upfront with her about the "casual" relationship you've got going on with the bartender. Use this time to move on from the gf, see if there is anything there with the stbxw and have fun with the barmaid. Of course the true potential disaster here is that you stand to lose a perfectly good bar and that could lead to years of therapy!
Miyamoto Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 Why not give the barmaid a chance? Why'd you give the new g/f a chance when you were (maybe) still grieving over your ex wife? Dude, if I had as many dates as you, I wouldn't be complaining. Geez. What city do you live in? The women seem ready to go where you are!
Author eagle5 Posted February 18, 2008 Author Posted February 18, 2008 dfree and miyamoto you've put a smile on my face at least, cheers!! Believe it I'd rather be SINGLE with no memories and no s**t at the moment, I suppose they say 'when it rains........' MissTiss I hear you, have been there re councelling, you could be right re my heart telling me it's not over, maybe part of me never accepted that but there was no real feeling there yesterday eve, believe me I've tried!!! Yet my feelings are so strong for someone I knew for 1 10th of that (marriage) time and the ex gf ended it and lied when I found out she was seeing someone else!!!! Work that 1 out, I sure as hell can't!!!
Miyamoto Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 dfree and miyamoto you've put a smile on my face at least, cheers!! You know who should be putting a smile on your face...the BARMAID!! But seriously, why not give her a chance? Seems like you're on a roll.
Author eagle5 Posted February 18, 2008 Author Posted February 18, 2008 Miyamoto, I suppose it's coz my mind isn't in it at the moment, yep I know it'll help me to get over things, but I just can't get out of this frame of mind at the moment. Maybe I need a load of beers and just say bo****ks to it, it'll either help or complicate things even more!!! Doesn't the world work in a wierd way?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Mr. Lucky Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 I'm thinking should I just go back to my stbx wife or should I just say b******s to it all and stay single??? By your post, I think you know that going back to your STBX is not the right thing to do (the barmaid is another story ). You freely admit that you don't love her and it wouldn't be fair to anyone - probably her, most of all - to proceed knowing that. Not being as smart as you, I went back to my now exW when she similarly reached out to me a year after our split (and just as our divorce was finalizing). It was a disaster and only reminded both of us of all the good reasons we separated the first time. Get on with your life and get back to that bar! Mr. Lucky
sandflea Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 I'm going with Mr. Lucky on ths one... I think when we break up sometimes we romanticize about the past. You guys miss the dream - not each other. I'd say - nail the waitress - and remember to smile and say gracias... Life is too short, my man..
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