Cool Chick Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 Well, it’s almost a month now since NC. As crazy as it sounds it’s been really hard in some ways, but such a relief in others. He’s the type of guy that keeps you on the hook and is very good at it. He lies with the truth. He tells just enough of the truth and leaves enough out that it appears that he’s saying one thing, but the reality is different (does that make sense?). I find him very manipulative and deceptive. As an example one of the things he would say was “my ex would NEVER move in to this house”, what he doesn’t say is that he’s planning to sell his house and move in with her. He gives the impression of one thing, but the reality is another. I find this guy to be very very deceptive. It’s hard to get a straight answer out of him. He’s so wrapped up in his own desires to get instant gratification that he tells lies to keep himself looking good in the eyes of his friends. This liar and cheater sure led me down the garden path. Do any of these sound familiar to anyone: Before cheating: “I’d NEVER lie to you” “I’d NEVER do anything to hurt you.” “You mean so much to me” After cheating and being confronted: “I wouldn’t be good for you” “I have too much baggage” “I’m saving you from me” “It’s not you, it’s me” (well, he’s got that one right anyway) “You mean so much to me” "You can do so much better than me" Right now I’m soooo angry at him. I’ve been through the shock, a lot of the grief, and now anger and regret that I didn’t follow my gut instinct more. I know I should not be so hard on myself as this guy is a very good manipulator. I honestly don’t think he even knows he’s doing it sometimes. He’s twisted everything in his own mind so much that he feels that he’s entitled to mislead people. I wish I had just kept this guy as a friend instead of more. He pushed so hard for more though....*sigh* I feel like another notch in the belt instead of a living, feeling human being. It’s soo good not to have that “hope” lingering anymore. That’s what NC for me is all about. I’ve severed the “hope” line and am getting on with my life. It’s feels good, and empowering in many ways. I had catered to his wants and desires so much that I had ignored my own. Time to get my life back. Cool Chick
s_n_d Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 We're all proud of you, Cool Chick. A month of NC is truly an accomplishment. Its only been 19 days NC for me today. As every day goes by I just realize that he still hasnt contacted me and some days its a relief but some days (like today), I have my random breakdowns. As for me, My hope still lingers. I dont think it will ever die.
PerfectXPretty Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 Break up suck but once the right person comes along life will be wonderful.
Author Cool Chick Posted February 18, 2008 Author Posted February 18, 2008 Don't get me wrong. There have been plenty of tears over this. Most of the tears came before I cut off contact for good. The 'hope' that he would call and invite me to go out for some fun instead of his ex was just killing me. He knew I wanted to get out and do stuff together, after all HE was the one that insisted we stay friends even though he was the lying, cheating ass. I'm waaayyyy too forgiving and in a crazy way I think I would have been happy just to have him as a friend, but the lying, deceptive person he had become was not someone I wanted in my life anymore. He still wants to be friends and implores me over and over that I mean soooo much to him. Obviously I don't mean enough to him for him to be a truthful, honorable person. Don't get me wrong. He's not entirely an ass. He has some very good qualities and those were the ones that originally attracted me to him. The problem is, he has equally bad qualities, and now that I've seen them I do not ever want to be in a relationship with him. Maybe some day when I'm completely over him and can keep him at arms length I will re-initiate contact for the friendship he says he wants so much. Until then I want nothing to do with him. Do you think this would be wrong? Cool Chick
s_n_d Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 Don't get me wrong. There have been plenty of tears over this. Most of the tears came before I cut off contact for good. The 'hope' that he would call and invite me to go out for some fun instead of his ex was just killing me. He knew I wanted to get out and do stuff together, after all HE was the one that insisted we stay friends even though he was the lying, cheating ass. I'm waaayyyy too forgiving and in a crazy way I think I would have been happy just to have him as a friend, but the lying, deceptive person he had become was not someone I wanted in my life anymore. He still wants to be friends and implores me over and over that I mean soooo much to him. Obviously I don't mean enough to him for him to be a truthful, honorable person. Don't get me wrong. He's not entirely an ass. He has some very good qualities and those were the ones that originally attracted me to him. The problem is, he has equally bad qualities, and now that I've seen them I do not ever want to be in a relationship with him. Maybe some day when I'm completely over him and can keep him at arms length I will re-initiate contact for the friendship he says he wants so much. Until then I want nothing to do with him. Do you think this would be wrong? Cool Chick My ex wanted us to stay friends too because quote, "I love us as friends". I dont think reinitiating the friendship is wrong...Only AFTER you have gotten over him.
willodeewisp Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 It’s soo good not to have that “hope” lingering anymore. That’s what NC for me is all about. I’ve severed the “hope” line and am getting on with my life. It’s feels good, and empowering in many ways. I had catered to his wants and desires so much that I had ignored my own. Time to get my life back. Cool Chick I know exactly what you mean, it's the hope that is killing me! I try to tell myself that I can be with him and not hope for other things, but I'm not sure if I can do that. Right now the NC is very new me, and very painful and all I want to do is call him and tell him I want him back in my life, but if that were to happen, I would eventually be hopeful again and get hurt everytime.
Author Cool Chick Posted February 19, 2008 Author Posted February 19, 2008 I don't know if it's right or wrong, the smart thing or being stupid, but I think the key to a friendship with an ex is getting over them completely beforehand. How do you know when that has happened? I'm measuring it by how I feel when I think of him. Do I feel angry, hurt, sad? Do I still go through spells of extreme pain and cry? When all of these things have passed and I don't feel anything in particular, that's when I think the time is right. The problem is you have to be completely honest with yourself about your feelings. Don't call just because your in a particularly good mood at some point, especially if you were a mess the day before. A really good indicator is if you see him out with someone else and you don't feel bad/jealous/sad or angry. Actually, "That poor woman, he's all yours", is probably a good feeling to have and know your over him Cool Chick
btc8 Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 It’s soo good not to have that “hope” lingering anymore. That’s what NC for me is all about. I’ve severed the “hope” line and am getting on with my life. It’s feels good, and empowering in many ways. I had catered to his wants and desires so much that I had ignored my own. Time to get my life back. Cool Chick That's so awesome! :cool:I am so proud of you that you have made it so far with NC! I broke up with my b/f on Sunday, and it's only been a day for me so far, but I feel such inspiration from reading your post to go longer, and I know you can make it longer too! Good luck! -Brad
Author Cool Chick Posted February 19, 2008 Author Posted February 19, 2008 Hey Brad, good for you! Don't get me wrong the last six months have been hell in so many ways. I posted my story here earlier: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t144060/ I think I started mentally separating myself back when he first started sleeping with another woman. It's odd, but it took a while for the shock of the situation to sink in. It took a while before I went from denial to actually accepting what happened. It was horrible horrible heartbreak, and the awful realization of what I shared with a selfish, unappreciative man nearly broke me. In many ways I did break, and now I'm trying to find the pieces and find some self respect again. I feel like just a notch in his belt, he played the game and won. He doesn't see it that way, but it doesn't matter what he thinks, it's what 'I' think that matters. I just couldn't believe that someone could treat another person who had always been honest, truthful and loyal to them so badly. He didn't have the balls to tell the truth. He didn't have the fortitude and self respect to be an honest person. It was all about "me me me" and immediate gratification with him. I don't even think he realized just how bad his behavior was. He always had an excuse, but never took responsibility for any of his own actions if he thought he could hide behind a twisted truth or outright lie. The simple fact is that he's not relationship material. He will always be a liar and a cheater. Cool Chick
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