Bryanp Posted February 21, 2008 Posted February 21, 2008 What were the consequences to her previous cheating? No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change. Based on your last message it seems reasonable to conclude she did have a sexual experience with this woman in the office. She has so little respect for you that it is quite sad. She tells you she lost the love of her life, she cheats on you previously and now this. It does not take a genius to figure out how all of this will eventually end.
Author red9632 Posted February 21, 2008 Author Posted February 21, 2008 What were the consequences to her previous cheating? No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change. There were no consequences. She claims she did not cheat, that the OM was just a friend, and that she met him only twice for drinks during the period that we've been married and that nothing happened. He told her he was getting married to a woman that he had lived with for years because my W was not available and he had to settle for next best. She urged him to POSTPONE, POSTPONE, POSTPONE and 'we'll progress to the next level.' He said he was marrying her for financial reasons and refused to postpone. In late November I discussed it with W and she offered to arrange a meeting between the three of us so I could verify that they were just friends. She kept making excuses and putting it off and in January she said that she would be embarrassed to call him and try to set up a meeting since she had severed all contact with him. I have no way of knowing whether she has been in contact with him or not since then.
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 21, 2008 Posted February 21, 2008 ' He told her he was getting married to a woman that he had lived with for years because my W was not available and he had to settle for next best. She urged him to POSTPONE, POSTPONE, POSTPONE and 'we'll progress to the next level.' He said he was marrying her for financial reasons and refused to postpone. Wait... didn't you post this under a different screen name? I remember this...
Chrome Barracuda Posted February 21, 2008 Posted February 21, 2008 If you dont trust her, gotf that she cheatee, not once but twice, wont come clean about it, is now bi-sexua, and it's such a heavy burden on your mind. Why dont you just serve her with LSA papers. Show her your serious about ending the bull****! Why are you putting up with the crap. It's clear to us by what you wrote that she's lying and doing inappropiate stuff while married. meeting another man for drinks? feeling up other women by herself? Playing too many head games and that qualifys for dismissal in my book. Your life can only get better without her in it. I'm all about saving the marriage but when you have a toxic wife who cheats and lies and dont want to change. That shouldnt be your problem, and it should be your cue to move on. Get yourself ready, ducks in a row, go to a lawyer, and plan to move out. and by all means expose what she's been doing to both your families. Even if you cant trust her and the evidence is circumstantial, I wouldnt put up with it. and I dont think any self respecting man would put up with it either, what's your game plan?
Author red9632 Posted February 21, 2008 Author Posted February 21, 2008 Even if you cant trust her and the evidence is circumstantial, I wouldnt put up with it. and I dont think any self respecting man would put up with it either, what's your game plan? I quit being a self respecting man years ago. I just found two self-esteem tests on line which I took and the results show I definitely have low self-esteem. I guess I have realized that I have low self-esteem for quite some time. What I really want to do is get a D, because I think that will solve my problems. But I keep asking myself if it really will solve my problems, or if I'm hopeless and a D won't do anything to solve it. I wish I knew the answer to that. My W would say that she is not the reason for my low self-esteem, however I didn't feel this way before I found out that she was secretly meeting OM for drinks over 4 years ago.
Bryanp Posted February 21, 2008 Posted February 21, 2008 She tells the previous OM to postpone, postpone, and postpone the wedding and she and he will progress to the next level? What do you think the next level is - Checkers? You have to be kidding me. You would have to be in big time denial to not understand this. She begs him not to marry someone else and she tells him they can progress to the next level while she is married to you? She is playing you for a complete fool. I have said it to you before. If you do not respect yourself then who will because she certainly does not. Again why would she ask him to postpone his wedding and what in the world can progress to the next level can only mean? Enough is enough!
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 21, 2008 Posted February 21, 2008 red9632, where is the thread you originally posted about the "postpone" thing? I remember it well, but I can't recall which screen name you posted it under. I do remember there being A LOT of red flags in that post as well.
Author red9632 Posted February 21, 2008 Author Posted February 21, 2008 She tells the previous OM to postpone, postpone, and postpone the wedding and she and he will progress to the next level? What do you think the next level is - Checkers? I keep misquoting her. What she said was "we'll proceed to the next step", not the next level. I'm not sure whether the difference between those two words is significant or not. I thought (and still think) the next step was for her to divorce me and marry him. She says I completely misinterpreted it, and that what she meant was that she thought marrying this woman was a mistake and that she wanted to help him as a friend. I don't believe this, but it is possible.
Author red9632 Posted February 21, 2008 Author Posted February 21, 2008 red9632, where is the thread you originally posted about the "postpone" thing? I remember it well, but I can't recall which screen name you posted it under. I do remember there being A LOT of red flags in that post as well. My previous username was gullible. My original intent was to not mention the prior posting, because I got some very good advice and continue to ignore it.
Chrome Barracuda Posted February 21, 2008 Posted February 21, 2008 First step you need to rebuild your self esteem is to recover your manhood. Ad if that means getting rid of your wife so be it. She has emasculated you and destroyed who you was. Gaslighting you making you crazy. There should be peace and with her there is none especially in your mind. I'm not saying she's to blame for it all. But it's never to late to man up. I'm 27 and feel more confident now than I was in my early 20's. Because I have confidence in my abilites and myself. I dont let know one bull**** me. and I know what I want outta life. If she isnt there to help, she's there to hinder. I'm not saying divorce off the bat but if you need to seperate to find out what makes you happy internally. then do so. I would have advised you to stay but she is a cheater and she isnt helping you heal from the past hurt that she has done. ...Then why are you there? You dont think you deserve better or can find better?
Bryanp Posted February 21, 2008 Posted February 21, 2008 Red, Moving to the next step or next level means the exact same thing and I think you know this. You wife clearly seems to have no boundaries. Isn't it interesting how she claims you misinterpret things that seem so obvious? We call this gaslighting. She made it clear he was the love of her life as stated in your previous posts. She begs him to postpone the wedding so they can proceed to the next step. She calls you while she is drunk with another woman and you get their and they are fondling each other. The other woman confesses to you later she had sex with your wife in the office. How much more humiliation are you willing to accept? Why do you wish to live this way? I really feel so sorry for you. Your lack of self-esteem will only continue being with this woman.
Chrome Barracuda Posted February 21, 2008 Posted February 21, 2008 You can't turn no Ho into no housewife! -Snoop Dogg I aint saying she's a golddigger, But she dont mess with no broke nukka - Kanye West Never trust a girl with a big butt and a smile, that girl is posion -B.V.D. Trust me when it boils down to it, some women are not marriage material. The sooner you let go, the better you will feel.
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 21, 2008 Posted February 21, 2008 I went back and reviewed your threads. I remember them now. I don't see your wife ever being the person you want her to be.
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