taniab230 Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 I'm a 28-year-old woman, my husband's 32, and we have two children, a four-year-old son and a two-year-old toddler. A few months ago my husband began receiving suggestive text messages from someone claiming they were having an affair with him. I asked him outright if there was anything going on, but he denied it. However he kept getting these sexually suggestive texts and had recently began buying new shirts and t-shirts, having his chest waxed, and even going to the tanning salons and becoming obsessed with going the gym. He even had his teeth whitened... and spent all his time looking good and ignoring me. I asked him why he was having all this treatment, and he said it was to look good for me. However, we haven't had sex very much at all, he refuses it most times I initiate it, when we do have sex he wants to stop after 15 minutes. He's also been coming home late from work as well too, he claimed he had a lot of work to do but we don't seem to have much extra money coming in. I hired a private investigator to find out if he was cheating on me or not as he had been coming home late from work regularly. The private investigator carried out his investigation over the next few weeks, and when I got the results last Friday, I was shocked. The private investigator told me he'd seen my husband driving to the gay area of town, with another guy a lot older than him, and had heard their conversations too - he showed me the footage and photos he'd got of them. I was disgusted by what I saw - pictures of my husband and this man kissing in a car park, and footage of them getting into gay clubs, and even bar-hopping around Canal Street (people in the UK will know where I mean). The private investigator told me he'd heard my husband saying to the guy "Let's leave our wives and get together, our wives are boring pieces of sh*te! Well, we've been doing this for a year and a half now, and no-one's noticed, heh heh!" and the other man saying "Well, that's OK, because I'm dumping the wife for you anyway, and I've bought us a nice new riverside flat! Let's dump our loser wives and get together!!" and then the conversation got more explicit, apparently with references to them having had sex together frequently. I was stunned to see who the other man was, and asked if I recognized him - which I did - the other man in the photo was my dad. I feel disgusted knowing about my dad's secret life. I thank the private eye for bringing it to my attention. At least now I know why my husband was so obsessed with his looks. I feel disgusted and sick to the stomach. The two men closest to me in my life having an affair with each other - it makes me want to throw up and when I think about it, I just feel angry, upset and disgusted. My husband's now away on a training course with work for 3 weeks, how should I deal with this when he returns?? I also haven't seen my dad for a few weeks either as well. How do I tell my mum about it?? This whole situation's making me feel upset and worried. I can't cope, and I feel stressed. I haven't seen my husband or my Dad since Christmas... what do I do?? where do I go next?? please help me
Lovely87 Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 Wow, I'm sorry that happend to you. To tell your mum, I'd say that you let her find out the same way you did. Take her the pics and even have the private investagtor come back. Atleast that way you'd have proof. Obviously leave your husband if you haven't already. And do your best to be civil with your dad when you have to. Only because he's 1/2 the reason your here. Best advice I can do. I can't say that i've ever been in that situation. Good luck
amaysngrace Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 I agree to tell your mom. At least you will be a support system for each other. That's so messed up. I would find out about seeing a professional. This has to be torture on your head. I couldn't begin to imagine. (((Hugs)))
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