My husband had an affair with my Dad!!

[taniab230]

I'm a 28-year-old woman, my husband's 32, and we have two children, a four-year-old son and a two-year-old toddler.

 

A few weeks ago my husband began receiving suggestive text messages from someone claiming they were having an affair with him.

 

I asked him outright if there was anything going on, but he denied it.

However he kept getting these sexually suggestive texts and had recently began buying new shirts and t-shirts, having his chest waxed, and even going to the tanning salons and becoming obsessed with going the gym. He even had his teeth whitened... and spent all his time looking good and ignoring me.

 

I asked him why he was having all this treatment, and he said it was to look good for me.

 

However, we haven't had sex very much at all, he refuses it most times I initiate it, when we do have sex he wants to stop after 15 minutes.

 

He's also been coming home late from work as well too, he claimed he had a lot of work to do but we don't seem to have much extra money coming in.

 

I hired a private investigator to find out if he was cheating on me or not as he had been coming home late from work regularly.

 

The private investigator carried out his investigation over the next few weeks, and when I got the results last Friday, I was shocked.

 

The private investigator told me he'd seen my husband driving to the gay area of town, with another guy a lot older than him, and had heard their conversations too - he showed me the footage and photos he'd got of them. I was disgusted by what I saw - pictures of my husband and this man kissing in a car park, and footage of them getting into gay clubs, and even bar-hopping around Canal Street (people in the UK will know where I mean).

 

The private investigator told me he'd heard my husband saying to the guy "Let's leave our wives and get together, our wives are boring pieces of sh*te! Well, we've been doing this for a year and a half now, and no-one's noticed, heh heh!" and the other man saying "Well, that's OK, because I'm dumping the wife for you anyway, and I've bought us a nice new riverside flat! Let's dump our loser wives and get together!!" and then the conversation got more explicit, apparently with references to them having had sex together frequently.

 

I was stunned to see who the other man was, and asked if I recognized him - which I did - the other man in the photo was my dad. I feel disgusted knowing about my dad's secret life.

 

I thank the private eye for bringing it to my attention. At least now I know why my husband was so obsessed with his looks.

 

I feel disgusted and sick to the stomach. The two men closest to me in my life having an affair with each other - it makes me want to throw up and when I think about it, I just feel angry, upset and disgusted.

 

My husband's now away on a training course with work for 3 weeks, how should I deal with this when he returns?? I also haven't seen my dad for a few weeks either as well.

 

How do I tell my mum about it??

 

This whole situation's making me feel upset and worried. I can't cope, and I feel stressed.

 

I don't want our Christmas to be ruined for me or my kids.

 

what do I do?? where do I go next??

 

please help me

Edited February 18, 2008 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Removed name

[Tony T]

Either you are a troll or you have some pretty sick relatives.

 

If you are a troll, please go elsewhere. If this is for real, why are you so concerned about Christmas right now? It's a very long time from now. If this is for real, disown your father and divorce your husband. This is pretty sick and disrespectful behavior considering you are in the picture.

[taniab230]

Either you are a troll or you have some pretty sick relatives.

 

If you are a troll, please go elsewhere. If this is for real, why are you so concerned about Christmas right now? It's a very long time from now. If this is for real, disown your father and divorce your husband. This is pretty sick and disrespectful behavior considering you are in the picture.

 

It is for real, and I haven't seen my husband and my Dad since Christmas, Tony.

[Lauriebell82]

It is for real, and I haven't seen my husband and my Dad since Christmas, Tony.

 

Wow, I don't even know what to say. Disown these people and never let your children near either of them ever again.

 

Where has your husband been since Christmas? That was like 2 months ago!!! Haven't your children noticed? Or your mom??? Something doesn't sound right.

[dropdeadlegs]

This sounds too whacked to be true, but the truth is often stranger than fiction.

 

Since this affects both of you, show your mum the evidence and proceed from there.

 

I would then confront both men with the evidence, whether your mum wants to or not. Dealing with your husband is a no brainer to me - divorce him. Your Dad is trickier to emotionally process, but if he could betray you in this way, I would have no problem shutting him out of my life.

 

I'm not saying any of this would be easy emotionally, but what needs to be done is obvious to me.

[Lauriebell82]

This sounds too whacked to be true, but the truth is often stranger than fiction.

 

Since this affects both of you, show your mum the evidence and proceed from there.

 

I would then confront both men with the evidence, whether your mum wants to or not. Dealing with your husband is a no brainer to me - divorce him. Your Dad is trickier to emotionally process, but if he could betray you in this way, I would have no problem shutting him out of my life.

 

I'm not saying any of this would be easy emotionally, but what needs to be done is obvious to me.

 

I agree, this really sounds too nuts to be the truth. I guess there are some pretty sick people out there though. I agree that you should show your mom, husband, and dad the evidence and see what they have to say for themselves.

[taniab230]

Wow, I don't even know what to say. Disown these people and never let your children near either of them ever again.

 

Where has your husband been since Christmas? That was like 2 months ago!!! Haven't your children noticed? Or your mom??? Something doesn't sound right.

 

I meant to post this at Christmas, but didn't have time... the proper version's here - http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t144748/

 

As for my husband, well, I've told the kids he's working away. I hate lying to them like this, and my mum thinks her husband's done a disappearing act... but doesn't know where he is!

 

I feel sick, disgusted and jaded just knowing what they did... was I right to hire a private eye to follow them??

[Lauriebell82]

I meant to post this at Christmas, but didn't have time... the proper version's here - http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t144748/

 

As for my husband, well, I've told the kids he's working away. I hate lying to them like this, and my mum thinks her husband's done a disappearing act... but doesn't know where he is!

 

I feel sick, disgusted and jaded just knowing what they did... was I right to hire a private eye to follow them??

 

Like I said, disown them both. I wouldnt give your children details but just tell them that you are seperating. I know that's hard to do, but lying to them isn't going to help. I hope you realize how sick this is, and never talk to either of them ever again. Yuck.

[dropdeadlegs]

Does your dad "disappear" frequently? I mean is your mum worried or confused? Showing her the PI report is still what I suggest doing. It sounds like abandonment for dad to just disappear.

 

Nothing wrong with hiring a PI, in my opinion. It sounds like you tried to get the truth in a more honest way first.

 

So, what are you going to do?

[LucreziaBorgia]

I remember this exact story being posted here before, but I think it was deleted. I've seen it on other forums as well.

 

What does someone do in a case like this? Divorce, cut all ties with Dad and start a new life far, far away.

[JamesM]

I remember this exact story being posted here before, but I think it was deleted. I've seen it on other forums as well.

 

What does someone do in a case like this? Divorce, cut all ties with Dad and start a new life far, far away.

 

I wondered this, too. I was at a Board a couple of years back where the members were boasting about the stories that they posted here on LS. They laughed at how the stories were taken for real. But I also noticed that all of those posts were deleted as the LS mods must have discovered this, too.

 

BUT as I always say, we should take every situation as if it is real, because life is strange enough.

 

The answer here is simple...sad as it is, divorce is inevitable. And you family will be broken over the actions of both your husband and your father.

[Lauriebell82]

I wondered this, too. I was at a Board a couple of years back where the members were boasting about the stories that they posted here on LS. They laughed at how the stories were taken for real. But I also noticed that all of those posts were deleted as the LS mods must have discovered this, too.

 

BUT as I always say, we should take every situation as if it is real, because life is strange enough.

 

The answer here is simple...sad as it is, divorce is inevitable. And you family will be broken over the actions of both your husband and your father.

 

Yeah I have to wonder whether some of the outlandish stories are for real or not..it seems too sick to be true. I guess you never can tell though.

[whichwayisup]

My husband's now away on a training course with work for 3 weeks, how should I deal with this when he returns?? I also haven't seen my dad for a few weeks either as well.

 

What do you do? Leave. Pack up your kids and get away from your husband. You don't have to wait until he comes back. What he's done is worse than him just cheating on you with another woman, he's cheated on you with another man WHO IS YOUR FATHER.

 

How do I tell my mum about it??

 

Hell yeah!

 

Anyway, I hope this is a troll, because if this story is true, you, your mom and your kids will need family counseling to deal with it.

[taniab230]

What do you do? Leave. Pack up your kids and get away from your husband. You don't have to wait until he comes back. What he's done is worse than him just cheating on you with another woman, he's cheated on you with another man WHO IS YOUR FATHER.

 

 

 

Hell yeah!

 

Anyway, I hope this is a troll, because if this story is true, you, your mom and your kids will need family counseling to deal with it.

 

I'm not "trolling", this story is true, and I feel sick thinking about what they did.

 

As for counseling, would that work? any other options??

[Chrome Barracuda]

:sick:

 

I feel disgusted enough for you.

 

I'm sorry. This sucks more than not. There's a guy who's on this board where his wife became a crackhead and she just dumped him and the kids to go live with her heroin addict boyfriend.

 

This world is sick.

 

I dont advocate taking the children without notice, that is tandomount to kidnapping.

 

First thing you need to do, is see a divorce lawyer immediately!!!!

 

Find out your rights, then go for sole custody with him having visitation and also include that the OM your father whoever not be around during anytime they are together.

 

Next

 

EXSPOSE!!!!

 

Yes blow the whistle. They might take the affair underground but since you have hardcore stone proof of them lying, being deceptive, closet hiding homo's!!! You may have the upper hand. imagine they can never go on another family vacation without scutiny. they will be ostrazised at their jobs and lose respect. Both sides of their families will absolutely hate them. They will probably lose money in the divorce case.

 

It's going to hurt everyone, yes but I say expose because this secret is gonna come out one way or another. Why not control what happens from here on out.

 

And also above all else protect the kids. I would not allow your husband or father anywhere around the kids ever again. Thanksgiving, christmas, holidays.

 

That all stops with you.

 

Good luck to you. See a lawyer asap. I know your hurting but you gotta move. He's gonna drop a bomb on you. Prepare active countermeasures first! Strike first and fast, and hard!!!

 

Leaving them in the dust.

[taniab230]

:sick:

 

I feel disgusted enough for you.

 

I'm sorry. This sucks more than not. There's a guy who's on this board where his wife became a crackhead and she just dumped him and the kids to go live with her heroin addict boyfriend.

 

This world is sick.

 

I dont advocate taking the children without notice, that is tandomount to kidnapping.

 

First thing you need to do, is see a divorce lawyer immediately!!!!

 

Find out your rights, then go for sole custody with him having visitation and also include that the OM your father whoever not be around during anytime they are together.

 

Next

 

EXSPOSE!!!!

 

Yes blow the whistle. They might take the affair underground but since you have hardcore stone proof of them lying, being deceptive, closet hiding homo's!!! You may have the upper hand. imagine they can never go on another family vacation without scutiny. they will be ostrazised at their jobs and lose respect. Both sides of their families will absolutely hate them. They will probably lose money in the divorce case.

 

It's going to hurt everyone, yes but I say expose because this secret is gonna come out one way or another. Why not control what happens from here on out.

 

And also above all else protect the kids. I would not allow your husband or father anywhere around the kids ever again. Thanksgiving, christmas, holidays.

 

That all stops with you.

 

Good luck to you. See a lawyer asap. I know your hurting but you gotta move. He's gonna drop a bomb on you. Prepare active countermeasures first! Strike first and fast, and hard!!!

 

Leaving them in the dust.

 

The private eye told me they were moving into a new riverside flat they'd bought - so that explains all my husband's supposed "late-night business meetings".

[taniab230]

What should I do, if/when the rest of the family find out about this affair??

I'm wondering what the repercussions will be for both my family and his...

 

please help me!

[sally4sara]

I think the first thing you should do is find out if your husband and father intend to ever have any sort of interaction with your kids ever again. What they've done is really low, but really, you can't force them to stop. You can, however, figure out how much damage control you can do for your kids. If they fully intend to trot off together forever and have nothing to do with you, your kids, and you mom ever again you won't have to go into the absolute details with you kids until they are older. If either of them intend on having any sort of relationship with the family then everything will have to come out.

After that, I'd visit a lawyer and start the divorce proceedings.

[dropdeadlegs]

What should I do, if/when the rest of the family find out about this affair??

I'm wondering what the repercussions will be for both my family and his...

 

please help me!

Look, you really can't concern yourself with THEIR repercussions. They have chosen this betrayal of your/their family. I would imagine that the rest of your family will be as disgusted as you are and will flock together for the sake of you and your mum. His family will probably still love him but still be concerned for you and your kids.

 

There is no reason right now to tell your kids anything except that "Daddy won't be living with us anymore." They won't ask many questions because they don't have the ability to understand it all. Your H has been gone for weeks and they are probably getting used to him not being around anyway. Believe me, the younger they are, the easier it is.

 

Have you told your mum yet? I think you should do this soon. The longer you wait the more she will be upset that you have had this knowledge and haven't shared it with her. Tell her today! Wouldn't YOU want to know if SHE was the one who had hired a PI and found out?

[Chrome Barracuda]

The private eye told me they were moving into a new riverside flat they'd bought - so that explains all my husband's supposed "late-night business meetings".

 

The money's coming from somewhere get control of your finances and change the locks. Get a legal document barring him from the house.

 

The time for staying stuck is over, now that you have proof you need to move!!!

 

Everyday should be a day you move closer to protecting yourself. Shut down the finances, get the bills put in your name, check the name on the deed and cars. Go to the court and know your rights.

 

This is absolutely disgusting.

 

I would tell your children the truth when they get older. Daddy slept with your grandfather, and that is wrong.

[taniab230]

An update... I actually told my mum but she didn't believe me, she insisted he'd gone off on a long motorbike trip with his buddies, that's what he told her.

 

I showed her the evidence but she thought it was a hoax.

 

How do I deal with this situation??

 

I have tried texting my husband, but no response from him... it's impossible to trace him or my dad.

[Leia]

I meant to post this at Christmas, but didn't have time... the proper version's here - http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t144748/

 

As for my husband, well, I've told the kids he's working away. I hate lying to them like this, and my mum thinks her husband's done a disappearing act... but doesn't know where he is!

 

I feel sick, disgusted and jaded just knowing what they did... was I right to hire a private eye to follow them??

 

The proper version is pretty much the same except you added that they've been gone since Christmas...

 

When did your H leave for his business trip or whatever? You mentioned he is away for 3 weeks on a business trip? If you haven't seen him since Christmas... how did you know about the 3 week business trip?

 

I'm sorry... but I'm so confused...

[Jilly Bean]

Yeah, I don't believe this story for a SECOND. If this "supposedly" all happened two months ago, then we are to believe that nothing has changed and everyone is still living in their nice little worlds? Give me a break.

[Leia]

Yeah, I don't believe this story for a SECOND. If this "supposedly" all happened two months ago, then we are to believe that nothing has changed and everyone is still living in their nice little worlds? Give me a break.

 

Exactly. I'm still curious and confused though. I'm trying to figure out something here. She said she's been wanting to post this since Christmas and it took her 2 months + to post now.... how busy can one be when in a situation like this? I mean she wasn't the one that went around investigating. One more thing... evidence was a hoax? Would a PI do anything to the photos? I can understand why her mother wouldn't believe it but to believe that H went on a motorbike cruise?

 

How close was the PI to them to have heard their convo? I mean.... they were in a bar..... would people really talk about their personal stuff so loudly in a bar??