matwithonet Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 Know don't get me wrong, I know NC is not for getting an ex back, but I also know that it does slighty raise the chances of them missing you. So here is my question, will that part work if she asks my best friend about me EVERY week at work when she sees him on Saturdays, or when she also asks other friends? It's been almost 9 months and every Saturday when she works with me its, "How's Mat doing?, Who's he with?" and all that jazz. Just wondering and could use some advice.
PinkRibbon Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 I think it means she either still cares or is wanting to have some form of contact with you. It is not just small talk. She could talk about the weather, sports anything but when she specifically mentions your name. She is wanting to know about you. So 9 months??? Has it been 9 months of NC?
s_n_d Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 Wow 9 months. Its only been 19 days NC for me and Im going crazy. You deserve nine bunnnies. :bunny::bunny::bunny::bunny:
Joebo Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 Hey S N D, I just wanted to say keep up the good work! 19 days is good going. I know how hard it is. It becomes an obsession. Up until a month or so ago it was torture for me to manage even a few days. I was 3 weeks NC before a chance meeting on Saturday. It felt good going out for coffee but she says she is still all over the place. Now, two days after that meeting I'm starting to feel pretty crappy again even though I was starting to feel better with the three weeks that had passed. I can't figure whether, or not, she is still mulling things over..
sedgwick Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 (edited) Hey, I'm going through the same thing. NC gets easier and it gets harder, but you feel like S*IT if you break it, and that's the bottom line. I haven't talked to him in 5.5 months, and we've been broken up for 7. Back in Nov I sent him one text message, and I've beaten myself up for it ever since. I know I won't break it again. I let him know how I felt in no uncertain terms. He knows I love him and he knows how to find me. If I had to chase him down and beg him to come back, I wouldn't trust him when he did. You just have to pound this logic into your brain over and over again. It's been very hard for me lately. I miss him so much. But I tell myself that the only way I will ever regain the confidence he took from me is by proving to myself that I can pull myself up and survive, pull myself up and survive, over and over again. Life isn't always supposed to be easy. It's when it isn't that we learn the most about ourselves. That doesn't make any of this suck any less, though, I know. Hang in there. We'll all make it, we'll be stronger, we'll be better people, and all those other cliches. Tell your friend to stop giving her the info. When she left, she gave up her right to know what's going on with you. Here, have a bunny. Edited February 18, 2008 by sedgwick
Author matwithonet Posted February 18, 2008 Author Posted February 18, 2008 I thank you for your words everyone. My friend doesn't really tell her anything at all but every saturday she still comes up and asks about me. And funny story, my other firend was out at a bar and saw my ex and her new bf walk in. They stayed for about 15 minutes and he was wanting to leave so my friend walked her out to her car, and right infront of her bf, started asking about me, which really pissed her new guy off. Just thought it was funny. Oh and also. no it hasnt been 9 mnths of NC. We broke up 9 months ago, at first I did the whole begging thing for like 2 months, then I had brain aenurysm surgery, which was the last time I actually talked to her. But the last time I emailed her was like 2 months ago. So basically 2 months of full NC.
Joebo Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 (edited) Its tough Mat, Wait it out. I'm still in the process of no contact although it was busted the other day by a chance meeting. However, one thing it did give me the opportunity to do was state quite clearly that any contact would have to come from her. I don't want to be hypocritical but I firmly believe that people will find their way back if its what they really want. Unfortunately, In recent months I've had some difficulty taking my own advice which is why I'm seeking help/reinforcing my own views here. For example, recently I said to her 'Its been 6 months, you've had long enough to decide!' She replied with 'Its not been 6 months, we've been in touch every week. I've had no time to decide.' That gave me another small push towards seeking a complete resolution through NC. I hope things work out for you. If she wants you she'll be back and if not you'll be no worse off than you are now....And you can always come and vent here when times are hard. Edited February 18, 2008 by Joebo Bad Grammar lol
s_n_d Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 Hey S N D, I just wanted to say keep up the good work! 19 days is good going. I know how hard it is. It becomes an obsession. Up until a month or so ago it was torture for me to manage even a few days. I was 3 weeks NC before a chance meeting on Saturday. It felt good going out for coffee but she says she is still all over the place. Now, two days after that meeting I'm starting to feel pretty crappy again even though I was starting to feel better with the three weeks that had passed. I can't figure whether, or not, she is still mulling things over.. Yeah I cant believe I made it this far. I never thought Id be able to do more than a week of NC. My goal was 20 days. Tomorrow Im going to be celebrating my 20 days accomplishment and aiming at another 10 more. I got a call at 2am a couple of nights ago. Im guessing it might have been him calling but i dunno because my caller id isnt working. Either way if he wants to talk to me, he knows how to go about contacting me.
Joebo Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 (edited) Good luck with the next 10 days, I'm sure you can do it. When was the break up? I'm guessing December since thats when you joined. Was it amicable? Even though I read everything about NC NOT being about them missing you I can't help but retain that hope as some comfort even now. I do believe that they'll find us and if not then its probably for the best. Its just hard getting to grips with it. Hope things start to ease up a bit for you. ;-) The frustrating thing about my situation is that she said she wanted time and space to mull over the marriage proposal as she said it changed everything. The strange thing is...I just could't give her the time, it was like I was trying to screw myself over. Then she finally said 'This aint healthy for either of us'. I said should we go our seperate ways and YES came the response. Just like a sledgehammer! I still feel that she's not sure but then maybe I'm fooling myself. Who knows, time will tell... Edited February 18, 2008 by Joebo More to add..
Lookingforward Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 is just that - NO contact.. as someone (it may been a song) said "how can I miss you if you never go AWAY??"
s_n_d Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 Good luck with the next 10 days, I'm sure you can do it. When was the break up? I'm guessing December since thats when you joined. Was it amicable? Even though I read everything about NC NOT being about them missing you I can't help but retain that hope as some comfort even now. I do believe that they'll find us and if not then its probably for the best. Its just hard getting to grips with it. Hope things start to ease up a bit for you. ;-) The frustrating thing about my situation is that she said she wanted time and space to mull over the marriage proposal as she said it changed everything. The strange thing is...I just could't give her the time, it was like I was trying to screw myself over. Then she finally said 'This aint healthy for either of us'. I said should we go our seperate ways and YES came the response. Just like a sledgehammer! I still feel that she's not sure but then maybe I'm fooling myself. Who knows, time will tell... The breakup was in early November. It was basically over a bunch of silly pointless arguments we had. Somehow because of those arguments he "lost" his love for me. It can SO easily be worked on...thats why all of this is such a shame.
s_n_d Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 is just that - NO contact.. as someone (it may been a song) said "how can I miss you if you never go AWAY??" Your SO SO right, Lookingforward. I just hope he misses me soon.lol. Its already been almost twenty days.
Author matwithonet Posted February 19, 2008 Author Posted February 19, 2008 snd I agree with the whole, "its a shame" thing when the reason why a couple ends can be worked on so easily. The reason she said she left me was because she said she was scared that I would keep messing around with school and work, but the 2 semesters that she has been gone, I have straightened up and gotten on presidents list both semesters and I'm in a well paying job. It also makes it harder to get over it, when I have no closure. And what I mean by that is, I don't think the reason she left was worth it. We were together for 6 years, 6 years!!!! Thats a long time expessically when you look at the fact that I'm 23. I'm just finding it so hard to get completely over her, and sometimes I don't think I ever will considering she was my first for everything. I just hope it will be the same for her because I was her first for everything.
s_n_d Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 matwithhonet, Im sorry that your relationship had to end like that. I think sometimes that my ex did this so he would avoid himself from future pain; pain that he experienced in every single relationship he had before me via cheating etc..
Ms. GoldynGramz Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 someone PLEASE tell me what the hell "NC" stands for!!!! Am i the only one?.....must've come late......
Author matwithonet Posted February 19, 2008 Author Posted February 19, 2008 NC means No Contact. If you search for it, there are a lot of threads that map out everything about NC on this site.
Joebo Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 Yea, here's the thing about NC. It has to be just that. When we bumped into each other and had coffee I gave it the old 'If you wanna contact me then you know where I am but I can't get in touch with you given the circumstances.' She knows that I'll be back home this weekend and I now find that I'm waiting to see if she contacts me. I've definitely taken a backward step this week...Although I can get by without contacting her which puts a slightly positive slant on it I suppose. Just to say that I also agree with the 'Its a shame' lobby. Although, I'm fairly certain that its only the 'Not yet healed' lobby that share this view. I keep thinking we split up over nothing but I'm sure it was going on in her head for some time. Its just that we're not aware of it until the axe falls! I now want what she wanted for years but she doesn't think she wants it now, its so frustrating. ...And S N D, if you're reading this...nice job with the 20 days NC! Treat yourself to something nice!
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