Just friends?

[raining_at_sunset]

Hi guys, I'm sorry to do this but I don't know where else to turn. I'll try and keep this brief and as simple as I can but I'm sorry if I go off on a tangent lol.

 

(the basics)

Basicly I'm a 24 year old guy interested in a 29 year old mum of 3 children I've known for about 2 months or so. We're in a band together (well I say a band, it's just me and her) and we usually hang out before and after practice (go to the pub, cinema etc). I was fine until last week...but you know how it is, you suddenly see someone in a different way. I really don't know what to do though...because part of me really wants to tell her how I feel so I can get rejected and get over her. But I'm worried I'm going to lose our friendship. We've already said how we're glad we met each other, how we think we're going to be good friends. I don't want to risk everything...I don't want her to not want to hang out afterwards and have everything all weird and uncomfortable. I love hanging out with her and I don't want to risk our friendship by telling her how I feel. Nothing compares to when we're singing together and I don't want to risk that either.

 

(the signs)

I think deep down inside I know she doesn't feel the same...but I'm rubbish when it comes to women and I can't read signs. She'll often touch my arm with the back of her hand when she's telling me something but I always thought that was just a friendly thing she does and not flirting. We were talking about mood rings for a while as we saw some in a shop but they were gone next time we were there. She bought one this week (she said she would have bought two but her ex was there) but it didn't fit her so she let me have it. Again, that might mean nothing *shrug* I don't know lol. I stayed at her house for the first time yesterday and got to have practice, watched films, visited her sister etc and sometimes I felt like maybe it meant something but there was never any chance to do anything. When we watched a film we weren't on the same couch (which I took as a sign she wasn't interested in that way).

When I left to get my train she hugged me goodbye (alright, I admit it, I melted at that point) which felt really nice as we hadn't hugged since we first met.

We talked about maybe going for dinner next week...but again, I dont know whether it means anything or it's a friends thing.

 

(the feelings)

It's getting hard to know what to do. Part of me thinks it's an infatuation. She has tattoos and I've found myself totally drawn to them ever since I had a dream about her. I dreamt she was lying on her front naked and I was tracing my fingers over her tattoos. It was so intense and sexual that I think about it quite a bit and often find myself staring at her tattoos. Part of me thinks it's an inadequacy. I know she's really interested in guys with muscles, bikers etc and I'm not even close to that when I'm as skinny as a rake. I have social anxiety and I'm incredibly shy most of the time...so to be with someone I like and try to flirt, show signs I'm interested in her etc is pretty much impossible. I have very few friends...Im rubbish at initiating the signs, moving onto the next level so I don't know what to do. I'm worried I'll lose her as a friend if I show too little interest...but scare her off if I show too much interest.

 

As I mentioned above, I do really like her but I value our friendship and that we play music together. I don't want to risk all that by telling her how I feel and make things awkward and uncomfortable. But part of me wants to tell her, just so I know how she feels and I can get over her, enjoy playing music together and get to be good friends.

 

Sorry this is soooo long but it's getting to boiling point. Do I risk things and tell her how I feel?