Why do I feel like this?

[btc8]

Hi Forums,

 

I have been silently browsing these forums for a little bit of time now, and I think that this is by far one of the best sites for dealing love and all of its quandaries.

 

I just broke up with my b/f of nearly six months yesterday, and I feel miserable. Let me first explain a few things. I am currently a senior in college with a major in biochemistry, and I am going to get my PhD in Pharmacology for Cancer Therapeutics and Drug Design this fall--with Medical School being a possibility much later. I met my current ex (let's call him Rick) in topic of this post at a coffee shop last semester (mid-to-late September)--we literally ran into each other and started to strike up a conversation. We really hit it off, and we started dated. At that point in my life, I was reluctant to start a relationship again, because I had just gotten out of a rather long one-and-a-half year one that previous January. Also, at this time past semester, I had my work cut out for me taking courses (18 credits), working, and filling out graduate and medical school applications from September until about November.

 

So, I was pretty preoccupied, but I still made time for Rick, and he did a lot for me, and he was very sweet, caring, and I enjoyed hanging out with Rick. In fact, I was very hesitant to start another relationship, as I applied to many schools that were out of the current state where I go to school. Nevertheless, it turned rather serious, and over winter break I managed to make my up to see him (I live a little over an hour away).

 

When I came back from winter break to start classes for the spring semester, he was still his very happy self; he was very loving and very affectionate with me. I started to take the time, now that I had finished with all my applications (and had been accepted to a few), I figured I would let me guard down. As you all can probably surmise, seeing my current posting coming to fruition, I shouldn't have let my guard down. He took me to NYC about a month ago, bought my plane ticket, paid for everything. I thought this was great; regardless of how nice it was that he did pay for a lot of things (poor college student; we've all been there), I really did love him. We said that to each other a lot.

 

Then, in the past two weeks, he displayed a complete change in personality--he grew very depressed with his current job (though he is on anti-depressants), became very distant, and I became the one who was initiating all the contacts. So this weekend he tells me that his sister called who owns a business in a state that is 12 hours away, and she has given him the information he needs to talk to people and perhaps become hired. I knew he always disliked his current job, which he's been at for over two years, and despite his active circulation of his resume to companies in our city, he never was successful with it. He is 30, and I guess I just figured that (as bad as this may sound), if he wasn't getting jobs in this city with his resume and previous work experience, then I figured he wouldn't be successful in going to this distant state based on something his sister would provide.

 

Instead of sitting here, wondering if this will be the month he goes to find out if he will move to this next state for this job, I decided I couldn't sit around dealing with it, so I said we should break up.

 

But now I feel miserable because I think I made a mistake. Somewhere in the depths of my now longing heart, I know that the thing would not end up working out with his sister, and he would end up back here where I will most likely stay to pursue my PhD. My friend says what I did was a very good thing to do, and that she was proud of me. I feel like I made the biggest mistake of my life.

 

I've already cried for the past two days for about three hours, and spoken to my mother about my loss, who feels devastated as well, and while I still feel yearning, I just now that waiting around for him would just hurt me more. While I can rationally write that, my feelings dictate to me otherwise. I erased his phone number from my phone, and have a book that has been helping a bit, but I just miss him.

 

I need some advice on what to do as I am growing increasingly confused. I am sorry for the length of this post, but I think it's all important in explaining my situation.

 

Thanks for any input,

-Brad

[becauseofyou]

Hi Brad,

 

What did your ex say when you said you should break up? Did you guys talk about ways you could work around it?

 

If you think you have made a mistake then perhaps you need to contact him and be honest about it. Tell him about your concerns and see what happens.

Edited February 18, 2008 by becauseofyou
wrong name!

[btc8]

Hi becauseofyou,

 

Thanks for your reply. I asked him if we would could do distance, but he said that would be 'silly.' I called him the day after the break-up in tears asking him what he thought about the break-up, and he said that he wasn't in a place to make a commitment right now (despite everything he did for me).

 

I'm actually feeling a little better today! It's a miracle what a good night sleep can do.

 

-B