SunniDayz Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 Should I be concerned? I am in a long distance relationship, getting married next summer..only recently moved a few hours away. Everytime I sign on my laptop, my fiance is on my buddy list. Tonight he was on and now he is missing???????? My girlfriend said he is online on hers???? Comments, please
Lizzie60 Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 Should I be concerned? I am in a long distance relationship, getting married next summer..only recently moved a few hours away. Everytime I sign on my laptop, my fiance is on my buddy list. Tonight he was on and now he is missing???????? My girlfriend said he is online on hers???? Comments, please Humm.. strange.. How can he be visible for her and not for you... ?? unless he is the only one on her list...
Author SunniDayz Posted February 18, 2008 Author Posted February 18, 2008 Lizzie, I signed off and she signed on. I think he made himself invisible on my screen. Not the first time he has done this now that I think of it.
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 Have you asked him? I would find a non-chalant non-confrontational way to ask him why this happens.
Author SunniDayz Posted February 18, 2008 Author Posted February 18, 2008 Last time he said he was disconnected. I should add he was online for um, 3 hours tonight?????????????????????Uh, oh!
Citizen Erased Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 When was the last time you spoke to him?
Lizzie60 Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 Lizzie, I signed off and she signed on. I think he made himself invisible on my screen. Not the first time he has done this now that I think of it. I'm not a computer whiz but I find it strange that he would do that.. knowing that your friend can see him, unless he doesn't know he's on her buddy list... Why would he hide from you? If I were you, I would investigate more..
Author SunniDayz Posted February 18, 2008 Author Posted February 18, 2008 Last spoke to him on Valentine's Day but he couldn't talk very long. I should add, he plays these little "games" quite often. I give him space and don't feel I am clingy with him at all. Weird things, when I signed on it said he was online almost 3 hours..2h49m..when I went to say Night, it said 2h6m?????? Appreciate all the advice. Thanks ladies!! Hugs.
Author SunniDayz Posted February 18, 2008 Author Posted February 18, 2008 Lizzie, He doesn't know he is on my friends list. I used her laptop once when I was changing from yahoo to aol and didn't have an account yet. I am not a computer whiz either, but something is up, my big heart is whispering to my brain.
Lizzie60 Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 Lizzie, He doesn't know he is on my friends list. I used her laptop once when I was changing from yahoo to aol and didn't have an account yet. I am not a computer whiz either, but something is up, my big heart is whispering to my brain. Then he definitely has something to hide... Please check it out.. you're getting married next summer.. maybe you should investigate a lot before you make the big move..
jerbear Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 I know that hiding from a list can be done, it is called blocking. In many IM clients, you can allow your "friends" to see you and thus hide from others. This reminded me of what an ex did. I've caught an ex doing that once when she mentioned she had two screen names, one for "me" and one when she didn't want to be disturbed. Needless to say I tried the same thing and stumbled upon her online. I found her sending lovely dovey IM's to others.
Author SunniDayz Posted February 18, 2008 Author Posted February 18, 2008 I think I understand the appearing invisible to someone, but if he blocked me, he would have some explaining to do or he could have the ring back. It is all about trust.
bagelwithbutter Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 that sounds really fishy. sounds like he's blocking you so you think he's offline. that way he can still talk to whoever else he wants to talk to without you getting mad. confront him. don't let him keep thinking these tricks of his are working.
Jilly Bean Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 or he could have the ring back. ALWAYS keep the ring...
Art_Critic Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 He is blocking you.. Why ?.. who knows.. I think it is okay to block someone if you have other things you want to accomplish on a computer... but I would think he wouldn't do it very often.. it seems to me that he is using his IM software to talk to others but not you... Just ask him.. if you don't then you have to just accept it and let it drive you nuts...
shockandawed Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 (edited) Last spoke to him on Valentine's Day but he couldn't talk very long. I should add, he plays these little "games" quite often. I give him space and don't feel I am clingy with him at all. Weird things, when I signed on it said he was online almost 3 hours..2h49m..when I went to say Night, it said 2h6m?????? Appreciate all the advice. Thanks ladies!! Hugs. The IMs can do some weird things, and I know the online timers are not very acurate. I also know however, that he is obviously making himself imvisible to you while being visible to his list in general. Who knows the reasons? It could be simply that he doesn't always feel he has time to get into a long IM with you. This is a small red flag in my opinion. A much larger one is you stating he plays these little games quite often. You are engaged, living in seperate areas and you have to give him space to not appear clingy? This doesn't sound like a good foundation to a happy marriage. Do you want to marry someone who plays these little games? I can assure you they won't stop once the rings are on. Please explain these games in greater detail. Edited February 18, 2008 by shockandawed
Winfield Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 Rather than trying to catch him online, why not pick up the phone, call him and ask what's going on...
spookie Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 I block people cause I don't want to feel obliged to constantly be IMing, but it's nothing personal... even if they're my SO. I do agree that you should call him...
shadowplay Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 I block people cause I don't want to feel obliged to constantly be IMing, but it's nothing personal... even if they're my SO. I do agree that you should call him... Same.........
Star Gazer Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 He doesn't know he's on your friends list? Then you're probably not on his. I don't allow anyone who's not on my friends list to see that I'm online. He could very well be doing the same thing.
BlueHaiku Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 I hate to add more confusion, but sometimes those IM clients can do wierd things. I've had similar weird visible/invisible instances when there was nothing funny going on at all. I had someone on invisible who could see me anyway once, and once I was offline and someone saw me as online. However, you're concerned - and there *might* be an issue. You need to talk to him about it.
Author SunniDayz Posted February 19, 2008 Author Posted February 19, 2008 Thanks again for the wisdom to each of you. I guess I was just a little shocked that he would block me. He was doing something with his son from a previous marriage and didn't want to be disturbed. I told him next time all he had to do was tell me on the phone. I feel we are losing our 'connection' emotionally as well.
Star Gazer Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 I feel we are losing our 'connection' emotionally as well. Well, I was gonna say... ...that if you're ready to be married (you're engaged), you really shouldn't be doubting his intentions. So the truth comes out...you're feeling disconnected. Have you talked to him about this? Sometimes we focus so much on the details of distancing behavior (e.g., "Hey hunny, why am I blocked on your friends list?") rather than on the underlying concern - feeling some emotional distance. Are you two busy planning a wedding? How's his son taking it? When will the two of you be living in the same place?
Author SunniDayz Posted February 19, 2008 Author Posted February 19, 2008 Wedding is not until next summer. He in fact, has 3 children, Children and I get along fantastic. I feel sometimes he is guarded with his feelings and can be a very private person, where I am just the opposite. Be living in the same town with his ex and the kids. Only thing we have decided on is a beach wedding. Emotionally, yes, something is lost.
BlueHaiku Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 If something is lost emotionally, you need to tell him this and have some pretty serious conversations. Maybe he's willing to work to fix it, maybe not. You better find out before this summer.
Recommended Posts