ashieannie Posted February 17, 2008 Posted February 17, 2008 How do you move on when you think about your ex everyday, and you don't want to move on until you stop thinking about them, because it is only right for the next person you date? It will be 3 monthes on the 27th since I have talked to my ex, and I still think about him everyday. I know this is wrong but I still check his facebook and last week I notice three songs on there that were all about breaking up and letting go and still having feelings: Can't Let it Go- Goo Goo Dolls Collide- Howie Day Mourning- Tantric I was doing fine until I saw those, maybe not fine, but was doing better. I know I shouldn't be putting myself in the place of looking at his facebook, but it is addicting.
norajane Posted February 17, 2008 Posted February 17, 2008 It may be addicting, but the first thing you need to do is stop checking his facebook. Each time you do, it gives you new things to think about, like stupid songs he posted. For all you know, he could have been dumped by someone else and those songs are about her. Dumpers don't usually have those sad break-up feelings about the person they dumped. When you say you think about him every day, what do you think about? Have you tried thinking about the negative things about your relationship that made you feel bad, or do you focus only on the good things? Do you think about all his character traits you didn't like, or do you focus only on his smile or whatever? It helps to stop thinking about them if you let go of the rose-colored glasses and focus on the reality of how things were, especially at the end when you broke up. It's not likely that everything was so awesome and he broke up with you for no reason - and it's also not likely that you thought everything was perfect, either. Remember the bad stuff, because it will help you move on, especially as you realize that you may meet someone where you don't have that bad stuff. Also, think about your behavior in the relationship. Did he bring things out in you that you didn't like about yourself? Were you needy and clingy? Did you feel jealousy? Did you feel like you were giving up your friends? Did you feel like you were not doing your hobbies and activities in favor of doing things HE liked? Imagine being with someone who brings out the best in you and feel grateful that now you can develop yourself and meet someone who enjoys doing all the things you enjoy. Finally, train yourself to think of him less and less. For starters, set aside some time each day to think about him, say an hour. Then the rest of the day when thoughts of him come to mind, shut them off and tell yourself you'll have plenty of time to think about him at 9pm so you don't need to think about him now. Then, for that hour, do your thinking and at 10pm, shut it OFF and go do something else. Each day or week, decrease that hour by 5, 10 or 15 minutes until you aren't wasting your time and energy on him anymore.
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