georgia girl Posted February 17, 2008 Posted February 17, 2008 I joined just to air this grievance and also serve as a warning of caution to everyone out there who would accuse a spouse of cheating. Did you ever think about the person you're accusing of him doing it with? I was recently - and very wrongly - accused of being involved with a married colleague. I was crushed. I have very strong personal convictions about fidelity and marriage. I am cautious in all of my dealings with men in the workplace because some of them do hit on me. Therefore, I make sure they know where the line is and don't cross it. Believe me, it's not the low-cut turtlenecks I'm wearing that is turning someone on. I also don't have in appropriate conversations nor do I ever go out socializing with any male friends after work without it being a mixed crowd of men and women. However, I am single with a good job and relatively attractive. And somehow, just working with me seemed to make this person (who I thought was a friend) accuse her husband on having an A with me. To be honest, it's now ruined our friendship and damaged our business relationship. I just can't get past it. I think of every conversation I've ever had with both of them and wondering if she was nice to me because it was a "keep your friends close, but your enemies closer kind of thing." Sorry this is a rant, but I just wanted to share another side of the story.
whichwayisup Posted February 17, 2008 Posted February 17, 2008 Why did she think you were having an affair with her husband? Also, you don't know what her husband has said to her maybe he has the crush on you. You did nothing wrong..
Author georgia girl Posted February 17, 2008 Author Posted February 17, 2008 I really have no idea. I don't think he has a crush on me, because as women we can tell. Honestly, up until this happened, I could have honestly said that I never thought of this person as any gender - just a person. Now, I'm creeped out. As for why? I just think we worked together a lot and their relationship is fragile. Thankfully, my friends know it's not true. Still, it leaves a mark.
OpenBook Posted February 17, 2008 Posted February 17, 2008 Personally, I think it's your "friend" who's crossed the line. She's dragging her marriage issues into the workplace. I bet her H is ready to kill her! How embarrassing it must be for him. What does HE say about all this? This is yet another reason why companies discourage dating and married couples from working together in the same organizational structure. It generates all kinds of imbalances in the team dynamic. You have my sympathy.
Author georgia girl Posted February 28, 2008 Author Posted February 28, 2008 Thanks for the positive replies! You know, I was actually embarrassed by this - like I did something wrong. Also, I found myself trying to smooth things over with her - like I could prove I wasn't interested in her husband. I didn't reply at first to the last post because I felt I was invading someone else's privacy. But your replies really made me see that this is just bull***t. As for her husband? He's the idiot who told me! Why would he do that?
Owl Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 Its sounds to me that she's got SOME kind of reason to distrust him, more than likely. Either he's cheated in the past, or there's something else going on that's not been explained to you. OR...he is interested in you, and made this story up to see how you'd respond? Regardless, the trick is to set clear BOUNDARIES...which it sounds like you have. After that, make it clear that you have NO interest in him at all...and make that clear to both him and his wife (if possible). I'd also wonder if he is cheating currently...just with someone else? Things that make you go....hmmmmmm.....
twice_shy Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 What reasons did the wife give for accusing you and her husband?
angie2443 Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 Its sounds to me that she's got SOME kind of reason to distrust him, more than likely. Either he's cheated in the past, or there's something else going on that's not been explained to you. OR...he is interested in you, and made this story up to see how you'd respond? Regardless, the trick is to set clear BOUNDARIES...which it sounds like you have. After that, make it clear that you have NO interest in him at all...and make that clear to both him and his wife (if possible). I'd also wonder if he is cheating currently...just with someone else? Things that make you go....hmmmmmm..... I have to agree with this. It's too bad that you had to get caught in the middle. I would avoid both of them as much as possible.
Author georgia girl Posted March 1, 2008 Author Posted March 1, 2008 Thanks for the insight. Honestly, I'm out of the middle. I'm keeping my distance and I guess that's the wise, professional thing to do. (The not-so-wise part wants to tell them both off in spades.) Owl, he's not interested in me... or at least I never want to think that he is. As for cheating with someone else, I wouldn't know but I don't think so. We work at a large company but have a small division and he wouldn't interact with another division all that much. We work a LOT with clients, but our client dealings are so jam-packed business interactions that very little personal ever goes on - even with the people you've worked with for years. (It's a get in, fix it, get out type of relationship with clients.)
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