miller1964 Posted February 17, 2008 Posted February 17, 2008 My ex bf of 3 years and I broke up 8 monthes ago because I caught him lying and cheating. It was a very ugly break up. A few monthes ago he returned telling me how sorry he was and that he was making changes to be a better person. So we have been working on getting our friendship back. I believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt. But he understands that I have a lot of trust issues with him. He proceeded to break up with the girl he cheated on me with. He claimed he never wanted to talk to her again. She is a drunk and not worth his time...he claimed. This week he has been asking to get back together with me sexually only. I said I would think about it. But I suspect it isn't a good idea because I don't trust him yet. Well, during that conversation, I find out that he is STILL talking to the woman he cheated on me with. I asked him why he lied and told me he never wanted to talk to her again. He claims that he wasn't "lying". He just changed his mind. He said he wanted to keep talking with her. I got angry as I see this as just a crafty way of trying to get out of a lie. I told him that to be friends with me it was important that he stop all the sources of our initial conflict...i.e. this girl that he was his lying and cheating with. He said he would continue to chat with her. I told him I thought it was best not to remain friends as I think he lacks integrity and the ability to be honest and stick by it. He felt I had no right to ask him to stop chatting with her. Did I over react? Does it seem like he is just a cakeeater? Thanks!
Peter_pan Posted February 17, 2008 Posted February 17, 2008 seriously that is bad. leave him and run far far away. dont have anything to do with him. what a waster.... avoid all types of contact. he dosnt deserve you let alone a "drunk" get off the misery-go round and stay off.
Author miller1964 Posted February 17, 2008 Author Posted February 17, 2008 So I didn't overract then? I had a right to ask him to end contact with her - which is what he initially told me he would do..? I don't understand how he doesn't see how this impacts our friendship. I was trying to build trust in him. He only sees it as me giving him an ultimatum.
mistie03 Posted February 17, 2008 Posted February 17, 2008 He has proven himself to be a liar and a cheat. He obviously isn't sorry that he lied and cheated or he wouldn't still be doing it. This is the rules of 3 that I found somewhere. I kind of liked it: 1) One lie, one broken promise, or a single neglected responsibility may be a misunderstanding. 2) Two may involve a serious mistake. 3) But 3 lies says that you're dealing with a liar, and deceit is the linchpin of conscienceless behavior. Cut your losses and get out as soon as you can. Leaving, though it may be hard, will be easier now than later and less costly. Don't give your money, work, secrets, or affection to a 3-timer. Your valuable gifts will be wasted. I don't know if you have 3, but you at least have 2. I'll be willing to bet he's a 3-timer. He's trying to reel you back in and have both you and the other girl at the same time. I say dump him.
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