Belkin Posted February 17, 2008 Posted February 17, 2008 I was watching How I Met Your Mother, and found Ted's technique to help Marshall very interesting. Basically, force yourself to say negative stuff about your ex, and start believing it. If they are still the perfect, one in 10 billion, only soulmate ever, you'll never get past them! But if you start seeing their faults, you'll understand they are not that perfect after all. So I'll start. She was selfish and immature. Breaking up the way she did is the best and only proof I need of that. She didn't have the courage to tell me, I had to be the one to ask and insist. Yes, she did the first step. I found that really great at the time. But doing the last step? No way. Only does what benefits her without regard for others. Selfish and immature, definitely.
dfreeman Posted February 17, 2008 Posted February 17, 2008 I did this exercise, and it was shameful how bad my ex was for me, Selfish Controlling Angry Uptight degrading unsupportive If i could just figure out why I just spent the last 56-ish hours missing her to the point of almost throwing-up, my road would be a lot smoother. The best thing about my recent break up is that I am not walking away thinking that I lost my soulmate! At best, I see a relationship that had a lot of good things and could have been saved by some good communication and therapy, but in reality, it was something that had to end. These days, I think most of my trouble is the harshness of what a break up does to your heart and soul. Recognizing their faults and cognitively coming to grips with losing someone is one thing, but letting them walk out of your heart and put their soul connections elsewhere is proving to be the most painful experience imaginable.
Lizzie60 Posted February 17, 2008 Posted February 17, 2008 I was watching How I Met Your Mother, and found Ted's technique to help Marshall very interesting. Basically, force yourself to say negative stuff about your ex, and start believing it. If they are still the perfect, one in 10 billion, only soulmate ever, you'll never get past them! But if you start seeing their faults, you'll understand they are not that perfect after all. So I'll start. She was selfish and immature. Breaking up the way she did is the best and only proof I need of that. She didn't have the courage to tell me, I had to be the one to ask and insist. Yes, she did the first step. I found that really great at the time. But doing the last step? No way. Only does what benefits her without regard for others. Selfish and immature, definitely. Yes I always believed that this was a good way of moving on.. but you have to say this negative stuff to yourself.. not the world. Example: if a W is left by her husband for an OW.. and she keeps thinking about the good life they had with their friends and family, and all the good stuff.. she will never get over him... or she will hurt like crazy.. but if she thinks of the negative stuff.. she will get over him much faster... This is not new in my book.. I always thought that was the best way to move on.
Author Belkin Posted February 17, 2008 Author Posted February 17, 2008 but you have to say this negative stuff to yourself.. not the world. That's why this forum is anonymous! I'd hate for someone I know to come across it, that's sure... Extremely unlikely though.
BrianG Posted February 17, 2008 Posted February 17, 2008 not that I have her on a pedestal, but I tried the exercise and everything was minor and manageable. I wish there was more major things I could come up with to make it easier on myself to move on, but she was a great girl and they dont come by very often. I turned the exercise around on myself in looking at my previous behavior and it made me miserable. I know a relationship is between two people, but the exercise made me realize that I was primarily responsible for the relationship falling apart with my true love. Don't think I will ever be able to forgive myself for this one or ever content with the situation. Guess I just have to chalk this one up as a major screw up on my part and learn from it so it never happens again. This sucks
Art_Critic Posted February 17, 2008 Posted February 17, 2008 I call it demonizing your ex.. and it is an effective way of coping and pushing yourself to move on... Remember though as Lizzie says.. this is something to do as an exercise for yourself and if you demonize your ex to the people around you then it loses it's effectiveness.. demonize away...
sb129 Posted February 17, 2008 Posted February 17, 2008 I was watching How I Met Your Mother, and found Ted's technique to help Marshall very interesting. Basically, force yourself to say negative stuff about your ex, and start believing it. If they are still the perfect, one in 10 billion, only soulmate ever, you'll never get past them! But if you start seeing their faults, you'll understand they are not that perfect after all. So I'll start. She was selfish and immature. Breaking up the way she did is the best and only proof I need of that. She didn't have the courage to tell me, I had to be the one to ask and insist. Yes, she did the first step. I found that really great at the time. But doing the last step? No way. Only does what benefits her without regard for others. Selfish and immature, definitely. Oh it definitely works. You may not necessarily be "demonizing her" though, you may be seeing the truth! On a side note- who IS the mother in "How I met your Mother"??
Author Belkin Posted February 17, 2008 Author Posted February 17, 2008 Hey, let's get things straight here, I'm NOT advising you to trash your ex in front of your friends/family! I think that's a very bad idea too. It will give a bad image of yourself, and whatever your ex did, they probably don't deserve to have all your friends (and possibly common friends) against her. Same for your friends: they don't want to be caught between the two of you, that's a horrible situation to be in! Just trash your ex HERE where it's totally anonymous, and can give ideas to others in order to help them free the pedestal. And again, I'm not talking about turning your ex into a demoniac creature from hell, just clipping off their angel wings and giving them back a normal human physical appearance; realize that they are normal people basically, with their assets but also their faults.
Cannondale Posted February 17, 2008 Posted February 17, 2008 I'll play along, my ex gf was: Clingy to a fault Everything had to be her way Immature Manipulative Wouldn't tell me when she had a prob. with me or anything else in her life, she would just take it out on me and act like a gen. bi*ch Could be very two faced at times Jealous Smothering Imo she was unappriciative of all I did for her towards the end of the rel.
mistie03 Posted February 17, 2008 Posted February 17, 2008 Keeping in mind the crap that he has done over the last 7 years is what keeps me from having regrets: Towards the end of the relationship, he started coming over only when it was convenient and wanted sex on demand. He disappeared for no apparent reason and gave flimsy excuses as to why. He gave ultimatums and never seemed to care how I felt about anything. He showed high blaming behavior. Made digs and derogatory remarks and made it seem like he was joking. Told me stories that didn't add up and some outright lies. Disappeared for a week at Christmas and didn't call on Christmas Day. Was very cold and callous to me when I told him I was upset. Very superficial. Often scrutinized women and made negative remarks (fat butt, no boobs, etc.) Self-Centered Moody and defensive Emotionally distant
PinkRibbon Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 My ex was: Self Centered. It still is all about him him him him him. Not affectionate. Don't touch my face, don't touch my hair, don't pet me. Wandering eye. Whenever we went any where he would stare at women's butts. He would scan the room to see who was there and position himself to look. He would not wear his wedding ring. So many more but I will stop at 4.
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