SadHatter Posted February 17, 2008 Posted February 17, 2008 My girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me three weeks ago. She said she didn’t feel the ‘spark’ there anymore and wasn’t attracted to me anymore and now only saw me as a friend. I was a bit gutted, but we’ve continued to talk and be friends these past three weeks. I’m 25, she’s 18, so she was very young when we got together. I hadn’t planned to meet someone her age and resisted it, but she looks and acts so much older and we had so much in common. I also got on really well with her parents. She actually broke up with me last October. I went no contact for three weeks and then she contacted me and said she’d made a mistake and wanted to get back together. We had a great Christmas, and then bang…out of the blue again she said it was over again about three weeks ago. On Thursday night she messaged me and said, “Happy valentines day”. I replied, “Yeah, great” being sarcastic. She then replied saying, “Did you get any cards? I got a few messages, a few people on the scene, nothing serious though, just a bit of fun.” I was tempted to lie and say I got messages too, but what’s the point. I was pretty gutted, but didn’t show it and played it cool. So I said, “No…didn’t get any. Not particularly interested, got too many other things going on at the moment that are more important than worrying about girls.” She replied saying, “They’re just friends of friends and people I’ve met in bars.” I asked who and she replied, “I don’t want to have this conversation. It’s weird with you. You don’t know them I don’t think. He’s a nice guy though. I am going to sleep now, feel run down” It made me then think…hmmm….is she lying…before it was a few people she’d met. A few messages and friends of friends. Now it was no longer plural and was one guy. Was she not telling me who it was because he doesn’t exist?! I suppose either way it doesn’t matter. The next day she spoke to me and continued to refuse to say who she was seeing, ad did the same last night over the phone, so I dropped it. Why does she refuse to say who she’s seeing? She actually says, “I’m not seeing anyone!” What is she talking about?! I’ve no idea anymore. She either is, or she isn’t! One minute, she refuses to tell me who it is, the next, she isn’t seeing anyone and its none of my business! She then said she was going out with another guy for drinks Friday night, and was just having fun with her life. I said, “OK, fair enough. Well we need to make sure if we are to continue being friends we’re both reading from the same page here, so ring me tonight at midnight as I’m out tonight. She replied and said she would but didn’t see what more there was to say, that she doesn’t love me and if I haven’t gotten over her and moved on like she has, there’s no point.” Later that night (this was Friday night), she text me and said, “I’ll ring you at 12 then and we can have this talk.” I came home from the pub and it had got to 12.30. No call. I text her. No reply. I rang her. Her phone was switched off. In the 2 years we were dating, she hasn’t switched her phone off once. I didn’t hear a thing from her yesterday until last night. She said her phone ran out of battery! I’m so angry. Is she playing games with me? I think I’m going to have to go no contact. Does everyone agree? Any advice here as to what’s going on?
sb129 Posted February 17, 2008 Posted February 17, 2008 No contact is your best bet for sure. Why would you have any kind of talk at midnight with an ex? She sounds immature, and sounds like she doesn't want you, but she wants to make sure you still want her for an ego boost. You don't need this, and you won't move on until you stop contacting eachother.
atc2410 Posted February 17, 2008 Posted February 17, 2008 If you choose to remain in touch in this fashion so soon after a break you're subjecting yourself to a world of pain. Is she playing games? Yes, whether intentionally or not. Don't flatter her with this kind of attention after she's broken it off with you. No contact is by far the healthiest option as you acknowledge yourself.
Belkin Posted February 17, 2008 Posted February 17, 2008 She's definitely fooling with you. Keeping you on a leash, making sure you don't go away in case she decides she needs you after all. Well she already told you her decision, now you need to make yours. Don't fall into her immature tricks, you are above that. Stop txting or IMing her, you know what she'll tell you. Whether it's true or not doesn't matter. The result is the same either way: you fret and worry and hope she's just fooling around before coming back to you. Play your own game: ignore her and live your own independant life. Whichever way it turns out, this is your best option. NC is not a technique to get her back, it's a therapy to help YOU get over your breakup and loss.
Lizzie60 Posted February 17, 2008 Posted February 17, 2008 WOW.. how old are you? 25... she's the adolescent here... move on.. ignore her. you are allowing her to play with you like a muppet. I don't really blame her... if she can have her cake and eat it too.. why not? you need to grow up and stop acting like a needy dependant dude. Sorry to be harsh.. but I just can't understand why people allow others to 'abuse/play' them.
Author SadHatter Posted February 17, 2008 Author Posted February 17, 2008 Thanks for the replies guys. They really help. I'd take exception at being a needy dude etc...I'm a nice person, which is why this hurts and I've come on here to talk about it...
Yamaha Posted February 17, 2008 Posted February 17, 2008 8 times out of 10 when a women says she feels no spark and wants to break up she has found someone else or is in pursuit. The gal is having fun talking about her other guys with you so don't take the bait and ignore her. Don't call her and if she calls ignore it and don't answer.
mistie03 Posted February 17, 2008 Posted February 17, 2008 I think that she is playing a game with you. She is trying to find out if you have met anyone or if you are still interested in her. I loved No Foolin's rules for NC and what not to discuss with an ex. I agree with him that you shouldn't discuss your personal life with your ex. She doesn't have the right to know anymore.
sveltskye Posted February 17, 2008 Posted February 17, 2008 What are the No Foolin rules for an ex, mistie? I think that might come in handy for me one of these days.
mistie03 Posted February 17, 2008 Posted February 17, 2008 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t56954/?highlight=foolin See #8. I think it is excellent advice.
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