breakyheart Posted February 17, 2008 Posted February 17, 2008 Being new I am sorry for making this sucky rant, long and rambling, but I was looking for advice for my situation on the internet and this forum showed. I tried to make it short, but its still kind of long. I am 24 and my ex is 27. He broke up with me 2 years ago, after we were in a relationship for 10 months, but not engaged, or anything. I did however think that we were in love. We had more good times than bad at the beginning. Then, during the last month of the relationship, he became distant, did not want to see me, and didn't talk to me about what was going on. I asked him about this, and admitted he wanted to break up. He said he did not feel romantically toward me anymore, he didn't know why, and there was nothing I could do to change it. I was shocked. I carried on when this happened, it was a dramatic break up and I made myself look desperate and like a cry baby, so badly that I doubt that image of me can ever be erased from his mind. After I was done, I blocked him from contacting me in every way possible (went into "NC") and have not spoken with him since. 2 years go by...recently he requested me on facebook. Apparently I don't have him blocked because he has remade a new account at some point. He sends me a message, saying that he hoped it was long enough that I was willing for him to be in my life. So I accepted him, but we didn't have a conversation, don't know what to say. Now, only a few weeks after this, I found out that a band I like is playing somewhere several hours drive away. I decided to go. I am meeting friends who live there, but I rather not drive alone, and I was telling some of my friends about the trip on facebook comments. I guess my ex happened to catch sight of this, and he sent me a message, telling me that he is also going to the concert, and that we should carpool, because it would be such a waste to go separate. (he loves the band and they almost never play here.) I was immediately almost nauseated at the thought of us driving in the car together for hours, not knowing what to talk about. I did not know if I could handle this, so I didn't reply. The next day he messaged again saying "I hope you are still going, because I was looking forward to seeing you." A lot of things have changed in my life since I've seen him. I got heavily into health stuff, lost a lot of weight, I changed jobs. Basically hanging out with a lot of different people and dating more. The whole time I knew him I was overweight, I had almost no friends or real hobbies and played computer games all day. He used to nag me about all that, mostly because I started putting to much importance on him, because I didn't have a lot else going on. One thing that crossed my mind is, that maybe he saw how much better I look and/or how much I have going on in my life so he might be interested in me again? I know that is shallow, but I don't want to get my hopes up even about that. It sounds encouraging that he said he wants to see me, but I am so reluctant because I have not gotten over him (after years!) I think about him, I always wonder if he ever thinks he made a mistake. I have dated other people, but I never like anyone as much as him, and haven't been able to start a real relationship. I can't handle him in my life as friends. Does it seem like he wants to be friends, or is there a second chance for romance? Once you get a certain image of someone inside your head (such as lazy, unsocial, burdensome, crybaby, unappealing romantically, not right for you) can that mental image change, if the person changes? Can you get attracted to them again? How can I help change the bad thoughts he remembers about me? Is there any way to figure out where he is coming from without directly asking (which I refuse to do)?
Curmudgeon Posted February 17, 2008 Posted February 17, 2008 Is there any way to figure out where he is coming from without directly asking (which I refuse to do)? ...over-thinking this. People change over time. You have. Perhaps he has as well. You're never going to know if you're now more compatible if you don't risk spending some time with him. The past does a great job of making us who and bringing us to where we are now. Having done so it can often be comfortably retired!
s_n_d Posted February 17, 2008 Posted February 17, 2008 ANYTHING is possible. You can never predict how something will turn out. But time will tell.
Author breakyheart Posted February 19, 2008 Author Posted February 19, 2008 I think I'm going to go. Thanks both of you that replied. I was relieved to get some encouraging answers, after reading through some other second chance related posts I didn't think I would. I have left him alone and given him space so I am hoping maybe my situation will be different. I guess everyone hopes that.
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