what2donowIII Posted February 17, 2008 Posted February 17, 2008 I need some advise. My wife and I were together for 7 years and now we are getting a divorce which is 100% her choice. I love her to death and i dont know what life is without her. How do i get past it? When does the pain and stomach aches go away? I am hurting so much and want to be with her but i know it is not gonna happen and i need to try to get over it but i just cant it is so hard. Anyone have any advise at all?
MattyTee Posted February 17, 2008 Posted February 17, 2008 I need some advise. My wife and I were together for 7 years and now we are getting a divorce which is 100% her choice. I love her to death and i dont know what life is without her. How do i get past it? When does the pain and stomach aches go away? I am hurting so much and want to be with her but i know it is not gonna happen and i need to try to get over it but i just cant it is so hard. Anyone have any advise at all? Hey, I'm sorry that you are going through this What. I'm afraid that there are no magical formulas to help you with the pain, the old adage that time is a great healer is true, but that doesn't help knowing that. I will tell you what helped me to move through my breakup last year: I don't know the timescale of your situation or whether you are seperated already but it's important to be able to feel what you are feeling. Cry when you need to cry, feel angry when you need to feel angry. Let the feelings come and go without trying to analyse or judge them - for example feeling angry is okay, nothing to feel guilty about. Don't let these emotions take control of your life, just let them come as they do. I would also suggest turning your focus onto yourself. Start with little things, just taking care of yourself, make sure you eat properly, sleep if you can and get some exercise. It sounds like silly advice, but these things will bring you through each day. That leads on to the next piece of advice. Try not to focus too much on the future. None of us can know what it may bring, so focus on your moment right now. Take each day as it comes. The same could be said of the past, if you feel there are things to learn from then take the time to learn, but don't spend your time in the past and try and move on without regret. Reaching peace and acceptance will come as it comes. No one can tell you how long it will take, and the idea that it's half the time of your relationship is a load of codswallop ... so don't listen to that. Also be aware of the wavelike nature of this process. Healing doesn't just happen every day. Some days you will feel like you have moved one step forward and twenty back - think Snakes and Ladders. Just remember each step is just that, a step. Take each one as it comes Keep posting here, there are a lot of good people and they will help you
mistie03 Posted February 17, 2008 Posted February 17, 2008 (((((Hugs to you))))) I know how it feels. I have been through it before. Getting out and connecting with old friends helps. After awhile, the pain will be less and less. I know it sux. I thought that I was finished being sad about my ex. I was doing so well and tonight I'm having a bit of a setback. I met an old friend for dinner that I haven't seen in a few years. We used to meet for dinner and drinks quite often. Tonight, we had great conversation. He invited me over to have another drink and talk awhile (we used to do this all of time before with no problems). Tonight, he turned on his laptop and started showing me his My Space page and most of his friends are strippers. He wanted to show me all of their pictures. Then, he put on porn. I was uncomfortable with it and made an excuse to leave. I was thinking WTH??? He never did that before. Then, on the way home, I was thinking about him (my ex-bf). Damn it. I'm gonna go get in bed and read until I fall asleep.
Miyamoto Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 (((((Hugs to you))))) I know how it feels. I have been through it before. Getting out and connecting with old friends helps. After awhile, the pain will be less and less. I know it sux. I thought that I was finished being sad about my ex. I was doing so well and tonight I'm having a bit of a setback. I met an old friend for dinner that I haven't seen in a few years. We used to meet for dinner and drinks quite often. Tonight, we had great conversation. He invited me over to have another drink and talk awhile (we used to do this all of time before with no problems). Tonight, he turned on his laptop and started showing me his My Space page and most of his friends are strippers. He wanted to show me all of their pictures. Then, he put on porn. I was uncomfortable with it and made an excuse to leave. I was thinking WTH??? He never did that before. Then, on the way home, I was thinking about him (my ex-bf). Damn it. I'm gonna go get in bed and read until I fall asleep. LOL what a guy move. He's been waiting all this time to make a move on you and that's how he did it? Weaksauce! WhatIIDo: I am going through a breakup, albeit one much shorter. I offer you my condolences and hope that something helps. One excellent post I saw and put over here was the "take your ex off the pedestal" post. If you keep her up there, you'll never get over her. Write down and say all the bad things about her, and make yourself believe them. It definitely helped me.
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