akrowergirl Posted February 16, 2008 Posted February 16, 2008 Is there a place to find people who have found the happy ending? I am wondering if there is advice from people who stuck with it through the pain and are together now? It sure would be great to hear some success stories.
HokeyReligions Posted February 16, 2008 Posted February 16, 2008 I don't know of a forum for success stories, but my husband's mother had an affair with her married boss some 35 or so years ago. They have been married that long and have had a happy life. Hubby'd dad went on to marry someone else too and they were togther for around 25 years until hubby's dad passed away a few years ago. They were both happy with their new partners and even hubby has wondered how the heck his parents ever hooked up and stayed married for as long as they did - they were soooo not suited for each other! I guess they would be considered success stories.
GreenEyedLady Posted February 17, 2008 Posted February 17, 2008 I'm getting my happy ending now... It took 3 years, a ton of love, alot of patience and a dash of tough love... But it's working out for us...And I am so glad I stuck it out...It's so worth it...
Lyssa Posted February 17, 2008 Posted February 17, 2008 Lots of patience and love. You need to support one another - it's not easy but it's all worth it. We have gone through a lot - good and bad - and I do not regret it.
Lizzie60 Posted February 17, 2008 Posted February 17, 2008 Is there a place to find people who have found the happy ending? Yes... of course.. my place!!! They always leave after the happy ending...
whichwayisup Posted February 17, 2008 Posted February 17, 2008 Yeah but you're not inlove with any of your MM, or wanting them to divorce. Big difference Lizzie. (Nice pic btw..)
Mino Posted February 17, 2008 Posted February 17, 2008 I know two couples taht had thier happy endings. Married, kids, and they are faithfull to one another.
OWoman Posted February 17, 2008 Posted February 17, 2008 Is there a place to find people who have found the happy ending? I am wondering if there is advice from people who stuck with it through the pain and are together now? It sure would be great to hear some success stories. My father and his OW have been happily married for 20 years now, happier than ever. My MM and I are working on ours - he's left his W, in counselling with the kids and we're putting things in place to be together. I have many friends IRL who're in loving, faithful relationships that started out as As. It's pretty commonplace here, no one's ashamed to talk about how things started out for them especially if they know you're in the same space.
Trimmer Posted February 17, 2008 Posted February 17, 2008 Sorry guys, what's IRL? In Real Life (as opposed to one's "online world.")
Owl Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 What support or advice would you really need if you've hit that "happy ending"? I think that this is the main reason you don't see many posters in that "happy ending". Either they never reached it...or they reached it, and found that they didn't need to post anymore. Make sense?
AngDre02 Posted February 22, 2008 Posted February 22, 2008 I'm trying to stick through my ordeal...and I pray everyday that he and I will work out. ...however, his mom had an affair years ago and ended up divorcing his dad to be with a man 20 years older than her. They've been married for over 30 years and turns out the step-dad has been a better father to him than his own dad.
White Flower Posted February 22, 2008 Posted February 22, 2008 Thanks, Trimmer. Yes, AngDre02, oftentimes our step parents turn out to be the better parent. Life is full of surprises.
Carpetrider Posted February 23, 2008 Posted February 23, 2008 Senator John Mcain. He married his mistress Cindy who is now his second wife. There is also former mayor Rudy Guliani.
Lizzie60 Posted February 23, 2008 Posted February 23, 2008 I'm trying to stick through my ordeal...and I pray everyday that he and I will work out. ...however, his mom had an affair years ago and ended up divorcing his dad to be with a man 20 years older than her. They've been married for over 30 years and turns out the step-dad has been a better father to him than his own dad. I have to agree with that, I end up living 18 yrs with my first MM, I had a daughter, he had 3... my daughter always considered him her dad.. and still does.. her real dad was a jerk, still is... she cut all links with her real dad. So being a MM has nothing to do with being a bad or poor parent.. often times, they are amazing dads.. even for step children..
AngDre02 Posted February 23, 2008 Posted February 23, 2008 Senator John Mcain. He married his mistress Cindy who is now his second wife. There is also former mayor Rudy Guliani. Marrying the mistress can be a terrible peg on a person sometimes. But if 2 people are really happy, isn't it worth it in the end? I also think that it's important not to leave your spouse for the "other" woman or man. Leave because it's over...because you just can't work it out. I think that takes the harshness out of the word mistress; because the marriage was over long before the other came around.
bentnotbroken Posted February 23, 2008 Posted February 23, 2008 Marrying the mistress can be a terrible peg on a person sometimes. But if 2 people are really happy, isn't it worth it in the end? I also think that it's important not to leave your spouse for the "other" woman or man. Leave because it's over...because you just can't work it out. I think that takes the harshness out of the word mistress; because the marriage was over long before the other came around.[/quote/) I think the best way to take the harshness out of the word mistress, is to not be the one the word is directed toward.
HeatherK08 Posted February 23, 2008 Posted February 23, 2008 we're all hoping for a 'happy ending' but we can't close our eyes and hope that this is it, who knows the reasons for why it won't work out, maybe there is someone better out there we haven't even met yet (i know that's hard to hear when you're in love with someone). My MM was on the verge of leaving 'her for me' and realized right before he did that it couldn't be the reason why he leaves her. It hasn't been working out between them for a long time and it wouldn't be fair to anyone to do it like that. I agree whole heartedly, for a number of selfish reasons, but also because I know what it's like to be married and cheated on, the betrayal hurts yes, but the blow to the ego can be soooo damaging. I don't want his wife thinking she has to compare herself to me and feel all inadequate. (I'm younger, in shape, etc). She has to take responsibility for why it didn't work out too, he has to do this on the right terms, so they can both come to the same resolve, and not make this about anyone else but themselves. That being said, I really do think we have a good chance of 'being together' eventually. It just won't be in the dramatic, 'her or me' fashion. And if it doesn't work, it won't be because he doesn't 'love me enough' - it will be because of his own insecurities that have nothing to do with me. For anyone who's ever been through a divorce, it is a major upheaval, for any reason, it's a total disruption of life as you know it, I think we tend to underestimate that in our demands of proof of their love for us. We know what kind of men we're dealing with, if they're all over us for sex all the time or use us for our attention and affection, well it should be obvious they just wanted that from their wives and aren't getting it. Doesn't mean he's leaving. If they spend time with you without expecting sex, if they are other wise moral and faithful (c'mon you know the games players play, just look through their phone or email once and you'll know), then who knows, it could be true love and they are just taking the time to figure out how to leave with minimal damage to everyone involved. I know, for myself, that if it doesn't work, I'll be c r u s h e d, but, I'll be ok eventually and next time will not put myself in the same situation. Good luck to everyone and I hope this week isn't too painful for you.
bentnotbroken Posted February 24, 2008 Posted February 24, 2008 I am older and in shape, and I don't compare myself to ow, I just wonder why I didn't see the kind of character flaws he had and why he wasn't man enough to leave before he decide to dip wee willie winky in someone else.
White Flower Posted February 24, 2008 Posted February 24, 2008 Second time trying to post this so here goes: My dad had an OW for the last 7 years of my mom's life. I couldn't understand it at first because I was too wrapped up in my own feelings of losing 'the perfect family' image. But eventually I could see that he was happier around her and his happiness mattered to me. After mom died, he moved in with OW (about a year later). He did mourn mom's passing and spoke of her respectfully. That also mattered to me. He lived with OW and they became common-law partners. They were very happy and she did lots to get him out more often than he ever did before and he was just more active. She was there to help him through his cancer and subsequent death. He died in their home and she was right by his side. Dad became a step-father to her only son who grew up to be a wonderful young man. His step-son worshipped my dad and I'm glad he got a chance to raise yet another child. He was so proud of his step-son as well as the rest of us. Dad's OW did keep him away from us for most of his last 15 years, but in the end, the last 6 months, she let us into their lives (she needed our help with caring for dad) and we were all together before he died. Those were the most precious 6 months I ever had with my dad. I gave up all the animosity I once held toward his OW (and him for allowing her that power) for keeping us away and I had a chance to bond with my dad once again. I now relate to him more than ever and wish I could ask him some questions. One question I would like to ask is what did it take to finally decide to get over what everybody else thinks to leave for the OW? He had a business, a family, and a reputation as a good man, but something drove him to risk it all for her. I would consider it a happy ending.
Tsuki no Michi Posted February 24, 2008 Posted February 24, 2008 That being said, I really do think we have a good chance of 'being together' eventually. It just won't be in the dramatic, 'her or me' fashion. And if it doesn't work, it won't be because he doesn't 'love me enough' - it will be because of his own insecurities that have nothing to do with me. For anyone who's ever been through a divorce, it is a major upheaval, for any reason, it's a total disruption of life as you know it, I think we tend to underestimate that in our demands of proof of their love for us. We know what kind of men we're dealing with, if they're all over us for sex all the time or use us for our attention and affection, well it should be obvious they just wanted that from their wives and aren't getting it. Doesn't mean he's leaving. If they spend time with you without expecting sex, if they are other wise moral and faithful (c'mon you know the games players play, just look through their phone or email once and you'll know), then who knows, it could be true love and they are just taking the time to figure out how to leave with minimal damage to everyone involved. I know, for myself, that if it doesn't work, I'll be c r u s h e d, but, I'll be ok eventually and next time will not put myself in the same situation. Been quiet for a while, but I have to confess this sums up my own situation very succinctly. I do think people who haven't gone through a divorce realize just how painful and hard it can be, and mine was about as amicable as possible. In the end if it is meant to be it will be. If not, it will not. About the best we can hope for is the wisdom and strength necessary to make it through the ordeal, regardless which direction it takes us. TNM
girlwithglasses Posted February 25, 2008 Posted February 25, 2008 (edited) I had a happy ending. MM was in a dead marriage. He says fell in love with me the moment he laid eyes on me. It took me another year to see him as more than a friend. Within a few weeks of our first kiss I knew I loved him. He separated from and later divorced his ex-wife. We got engaged, had a fairy-tale wedding, bought a big, beautiful house. We're planning for baby. Life could not be any sweeter. In the early morning I wake up and look at my sleeping husband's face and I know that I am the luckiest woman alive. I love that man. Edited February 25, 2008 by girlwithglasses
HeatherK08 Posted February 25, 2008 Posted February 25, 2008 I had a happy ending. MM was in a dead marriage. He says fell in love with me the moment he laid eyes on me. It took me another year to see him as more than a friend. Within a few weeks of our first kiss I knew I loved him. He separated from and later divorced his ex-wife. We got engaged, had a fairy-tale wedding, bought a big, beautiful house. We're planning for baby. Life could not be any sweeter. In the early morning I wake up and look at my sleeping husband's face and I know that I am the luckiest woman alive. I love that man. I am so happy for you! My MM's marriage has also been in the dumps for the last 5 years...We met one year ago, and let me tell you I was not really interested in him that way at first. Not my type at all. Feelings developed over time and when I discovered who he was, wow! love came like flood. When he was finally telling her of his A, she seemed more concerned about what they would do with the house more than anything. For him, it's more the religion and how it will impact his chidren than anything else. I'm hoping that it will work out, but taking everything with a grain of salt. No baby for us, we have 5 between us already!!!
bentnotbroken Posted February 25, 2008 Posted February 25, 2008 Even though you say you knew what it was like to be cheated on, you did it to someone else anyway, why?
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