aminicole Posted February 16, 2008 Posted February 16, 2008 My boyfriend and I recently broke up, the final break. We were having troubles regarding trust, I behaved in a way to loose his trust. We broke up for about a week, and he came to me and said he never wanted to break up in the first place, but was at a loss of what to do. So, we decided to work things out, without a commitment, while i built his trust. Things were going well... for about 2 weeks. I bought us promise rings for valentines day- to show my promise and fidelity to him. We celebrated on Tuesday, i took him out to his favorite breakfast joint and we slept in all afternoon. Then that evening he decided he had to leave me. He decided he had to be alone. We talked about this yesterday. And, the thing is he doesn't just want to be alone- but he is not sure it will work out with us. We had some very meaningful and deep talks. He wants to be along to sort of wallow in his hurt. I know this means that he will blow things even more out of proportion than they have been. I tried to remind him of all the positive things in out relationship, and aside for this one slip i had- I have proved to very trustworthy person. Mind you, i never About how much we mean to one another. He admits he still loves me. There is a part of him that still wants to be with me. He misses me. I could not be more petrified that he won't come back to me. It's hard to convey how strong we are, and how important we are to one another. We've been together for 2.5 years. I honestly think he is the one, and that we belong together. What can I do to secure a future with him?
Peter_pan Posted February 16, 2008 Posted February 16, 2008 what exactly did you do to lose his trust? if it was flirting or hanging out with other guys then STOP ! remember actions speak louder than words. Ask him what you could do to show him you are sorry and that it would never happen again? he is obviously hurting at what you did. its odd how you say he dosnt want to be alone not he dosnt want to be without YOU. yes he may love you or at least thinks he does. he is obviously doubting that YOU are the ONE because how could the ONE do this to him i guess time is great healer. tell him you are sorry for the past and you wish you could change it but its not possible but tell him you can both change the future
Seaman Staines Posted February 16, 2008 Posted February 16, 2008 He admits he still loves me. There is a part of him that still wants to be with me. I wonder which part that is? Have you considered a FWB arrangement? It might ease the tension for a while, and allow you to properly bond with each other in a more relaxed and less stressful way. I honestly think he is the one, and that we belong together. Don't push him, and he will come back. If he's unsure, then suggest the FWB. That might be the answer to regaining trust.
eagle5 Posted February 16, 2008 Posted February 16, 2008 That fear he has of being lonely is just that, not wanting to be lonely. That's why so many relationships end with 1 or both people rebounding. You do need to give him time to sort his feelings out but use that time for you too. Hopefully that's all it may take, a chance to miss each other.
Author aminicole Posted February 16, 2008 Author Posted February 16, 2008 What did I do to loose his trust? I had a relationship with a friend/ex that was not appropriate. He kissed me once, and I stopped it and told me ex about this. We had been having conversations that were overly flirty and at some points crossed the line. He found one of this conversations on my computer. I have stopped, on my own will, for about 3 weeks now, speaking with that friend. Thanks for everyone's advice. I do want to give him this time, but I am scared it will mean that he will never come back to me. I really believe that we belong together. I have owned up to my mistakes, and he is aware of how sorry I feel. It has really put things into perspective for me. I want to know what actions I can take to give him what he needs, but also encourage us getting back together again.
prisonbreak Posted February 17, 2008 Posted February 17, 2008 We have a very similar situation. I was the one who made a horrible mistake. It's been 7 months. The thing is, you are trying to figure out what you can do. I have been doing the same thing. the toughest thing is, there is nothing you can do. he has to realize this on his own. Doing this or that is all in vein, only he can make the decision now. I wish I would have just left him alone from day one. I believe they don't start processing life without you until they live life without you. Talking once in a while or meeting once in a while, does nothing for him, in terms of processing. We would meet, talk, text, email every once in a while. We'd talk about our issues. We'd talk about other things and try to just start over. We even tried going out on a date, it was so fun. We laughed, danced... but the next day it was still not fixed. Then we went to Mx for a week together. Even that didn't do it. I suggest going NC until he's ready to commit. That's what I'm doing now. 19 days of NC (the longest in 2 yrs) and finally I get a lame drunk text. But the good news is, I think he is starting to process life without me. Before all he could think about is what I did. Now he is forced to weigh the pros and cons. Hopefully he will realize life without me will be harder and forgiveness is easier. But if he can never forgive, then why be with him. Just don't make the same mistake as me, and allow it to go on like this for 7 months. Not fun for you or him. I know your thinking, "I made this mistake and this is my consequence". But you did the right thing by confessing and trying to make things right. Now the ball is in his court, let him make the decision. Take this time and find out why you made the mistake in the first place so you don't repeat it. I don't think it's enough to just tell him, you'll never do it again. the "why" is critical. It took alot of counseling to find my "why". But I know I'll never ruin a relationship again because of it.
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