mousetom78 Posted February 16, 2008 Posted February 16, 2008 First of, we are not married but we have common marriage because she shared everything including bills, phones, cars, etc .... We lived together for 5 years out of 6 years of our relationship. We bought a house together and we have a 2 1/2 years son. I am 29 and she is turning 23 next month. She was 17 when we started. Yes .. I helped her to get her first car, first nicer car. We moved out together and we also purchased first house together. Lately, she has been telling me that she wanted to date around and have an open relationship. She moved out 2 weeks ago to a friend house for a few days. After some begging on my part, she moved back. Her and I had a good week after shes back. We did some talking and confessing about our problems. However, it was discovered that she cheated on me last year with someone. It wasn't shocker but we both learned truth. Little more history. She left me one time back in 2004 but we hooked back up a month later after we got an apartment. Also, last year she almost left me around the same time that she cheated on me. Her excuse was pretty much that our condo was in my sole name. I sold my condo that we lived together and took all the equality into downpayment on this home. I offered her to buy our current house so we settled into our home August, 2007. She is very proud of our home and she realized that if we sells it that we will not able to buy another single family home for years to come. Right now, one minute, we are talking about selling the house and part ways. Next minute, she wants us to do home improvement with our tax money or even having second child. Also, she would call guys on the phone late at night. Tell me that she may want to be with them. She is confusing me and herself. Next minute, we would have great sex together. Our sex is still very good after all these years. She is feeling like she is still young at 23 and partying around. What should I do? I get jealious to see her talking to another dude. Well I am 29 and ready to settle down with a family and she is not. I can't bare myself talking to another female without raising her as a topic and it messes my conversion up with any other females. I am not trying to date anyone. I can't keep her off my mind.
AdrianaLima Posted February 16, 2008 Posted February 16, 2008 Well, it's clear to see that she does not know what she wants. The two of you need to lay everything out on the table so you won't get any mixed signals.One minute it's this and the next minute it's that. But you say that you are ready to settle down. Which means that you are ready to be married. But if I were you I would have to question to make sure that you want to be committed to her, because you explained how she cheats or always leaves you. It's understandable that you can't get her off of you're mind because the two of you been dating for six years.
Lizzie60 Posted February 16, 2008 Posted February 16, 2008 She's still a kid.. she never had a chance to live her young single life.. She probably feels trapped.. she is young and unsure of what she really wants in life... Have a serious talk with her, and if she wants to leave, let her go... live what she has to live and she will eventually settle down, with you or with someone else... I think she's not ready to have a full committed monogamous relationship yet.
Author mousetom78 Posted February 16, 2008 Author Posted February 16, 2008 She told me that she sometime feels trapped. She told me that "You got me pregnant to keep me" or "you trap me by getting me to buy a house with you" Bottom of her mind, I know she loves me. We have a 2 1/2 years old together and we share a lot of things in common. She knows I have a weak heart for her. She knows I will do anything for her and I will be there for her if she needs me. Lately, she plays games like she would go out and talk to guys one day. She knows I am ready to walk out. She would come back and be normal and make me happy. I am not sure if I can do this. She is also sending mix signals. I am contempt moving out of the house myself and let her figure things out. She comes and goes and expect me to pay most of the bills. I want to work it out with her but I can't see myself watching her rolling on me with other guys. My problem is that she knows I will take her back anytime.
whichwayisup Posted February 16, 2008 Posted February 16, 2008 Well I am 29 and ready to settle down with a family and she is not. Problem is, you two have a family already! A 2 1/2 year old! She needs counselling to help her settle down. Yes, she's young and not ready to be a wife, let alone a mom. She's into partying, into herself and not putting others first, not wanting the responsibility that comes along with family, a household etc... I feel for you, I really do... If she wants to go, let her go and you stay at the house with your child. She's the one who is not the reliable and stable parent here, YOU are. That is the deal. You must love her alot to allow her to go off, explore whatever it is she wants to do and then take her back...Or, you're scared to realize that you two got together too young and she is not the woman she's supposed to be yet.
Author mousetom78 Posted February 17, 2008 Author Posted February 17, 2008 I feel like if I lost her respect of allowing her flirting or even cheating with another dude, I may never get my self respect back from her or me. She asked for space but we both can give each other space because of the child. We need each other. I offered counseling to her before but she denied it. She does have problem opening herself up to her family or anyone including me. She had a problem with parent and grandparent raised her. She opened more herself to me than anyone else.
Mr. Lucky Posted February 17, 2008 Posted February 17, 2008 First of, we are not married but we have common marriage we have a 2 1/2 years son. She moved out 2 weeks ago to a friend house for a few days. However, it was discovered that she cheated on me last year with someone. She left me one time back in 2004 but we hooked back up a month later after we got an apartment. One purpose served by institutions like marriage is they provide a stable bond and structure in which we can live our lives. Given the absence (at least on your wife's part) of that committment, all the drama you've been through reflects the issues involved when you just "hook up" with someone. And now there's a child involved. He should be your main focus regardless of what happens from here. Mr. Lucky
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