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do girls get a new guy straight away to convince themselves they are moving on?

Peter_pan

By Peter_pan
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Peter_pan Established Member

Peter_pan

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basically you can read my other post for full details but..

 

my ex finally ended it with me after 3 years and she has a new bf already in fact its probably fair to say she had a thing for him whilst we where still breaking up and he is the reason she didn't give me a second chance.

 

anyway same thing happened to a friend of mine, he was told that she knows its selfish and she wants him to move on... then he finds out she to has someone new.

 

he told me they do this to convince themselves they are moving on.

 

i mean after 3 yrs 4months that i was with her even if we did have our arguments and bad times, she has moved on extremely fast and i never envisioned her doing this or being able to do this.

 

what does everyone think. do you think she will regret doing this to me? cause i would consider it to be rebound. i did speak to her on V day about things and she said she was sorry and that her feelings were not the same for me and she would b lying to me. so this new bf of hers must be special!!

 

he is 26 and she just turned 21. funny thing is he is slightly smaller than her. so i can take comfort in knowing i am taller :) she used to say to me it would be nice if you where like 3 inches taller so she would seem smaller. now she is with a smaller man

Edited by Peter_pan
s_n_d Established Member

s_n_d

Posted
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Not ALL women are like that.

But Id say If we do, It is most likely either because we want to move on and leave the past in the past or trying to get over our exs.

A few days after my ex and I broke up, one of my friends made a move on me and in the moment I kissed him back. But then I realized that it wasnt fair to him that I returned the kiss. I only returned the kiss because in some twisted way, I wished he was my ex.

Belkin Established Member

Belkin

Posted
Posted

That's ironically funny for me... HER new bf is smaller and younger than her too (and looks like s**t), whereas I'm exactly the same size and one year older... But they had something going before we broke up, so it's not really the same situation as the one you're referring to I guess...

ANGUISHEDandBROKEN Member

ANGUISHEDandBROKEN

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Great question....

 

I figure they do this just to make it easier on them to move on, therefore its just a rebound relationship which wont last, but who cares anyway? Theyre gonna have some hot steamy sex, so its all good for them.

 

The thing here is when it ends..... She will think about you again, and she will anguish hard and long wondering once again if it was the right choice by leaving you..... dont get your hopes up here, she may or may not call, but the best thing is to ignore or be just happy with your new life at the time and treat her like anybody else.....dont get clingy.

 

She will never come back, and you wont want her back anyway.....take it for what it is.

 

Relationships (from what people say here, and what I start to feel also) never ever work out again after a breakup because things just arent the same anymore.

 

If you ever want her back, forget her forever....and when you have forgotten eachother forever, maybe your paths might cross, you may want to share your life experiences with eachother, and then it would be something new.... only in that way it may be possible.

 

So for now....move on, and remember she will regret it later once again...

g1976b Member

g1976b

Posted
Posted

Yes, many times they absolutely do. I have proof. In my case, we broke up (for a few days) in November. I went out of town for a week and while we got back together a few days later I found out she had called up a guy, gone over to his house, watched a movie and made out with him.

 

I was really upset and her response was essentially that she did it to "force" herself to move on.

 

Now, we're DONE (likely for good) and though it's been a month today, I know for a fact she's flirting with other guys and has dates lined up this weekend. It smacks of "rebound" but at the same time it hurts because all I heard about was how she didn't want to date anyone else right now and really wanted to find out who she was. BS.

 

I don't know how much of it can point to self esteem issues (needing to be validated by men) or possibly pushing themselves to move on and maybe even to some degree wanting to hurt us (the ex).

 

Either way, from my experience, women absolutely do get a new guy to help them move on. Very frustrating.

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Peter_pan Established Member

Peter_pan

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Posted (edited)

some interesting replies there people :)

 

well if she is doing it to convince herself to move on fair enough it will help her, i mean if i had a hot bit of stuff i certainly would be able to forget about her temporarily.

 

But once it starts going wrong for her (which it more likely will) since he has already been asked to run another bar somewhere else and who knows who he will meet there. anyway that aside i still think its wrong and she to told me she wanted to be single and live the single life.... what for a week! BS again.

 

well i hope she does regret it. he better be worth what we could have had quite easily now that our situation had changed.

 

and your right i probably wont want her back. what's to stop her reaching 30 and deciding she has changed and its not what she wants anymore.. pfft

 

she must be quite blind to see he is just after one thing.... the fact she got moved to the VIP bar section after 2 weeks and some people have been working there for 6 7 months and not got that far... the fact he spoiled her and treated her nicely eg buying her pizzas and inviting her to private parties. he was clearly working on her. well he has his way now.

 

its funny that he is small and looks like a chav, ned, rat! i though she would have gone for someone tall and handsome. he is just a bar man, where is his life going to take him.

 

i dont think it will last. but who knows what the future holds. i do hope he dosnt get her pregnant or some crap like that. that would hurt me so bad

Edited by Peter_pan
s_n_d Established Member

s_n_d

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My ex is the kind of man who avoids feeling any pain.

Part of me thinks he broke up with me because he wanted to avoid any future pain. I know that most of his exs cheated on him and/or left him for one of his friends.

Ever since our breakup, He has been out EVERY single night with his friends and hes at work in the 9am-5pm so I know he hasnt really had the time to face what has happened. He has forgotten about me temporarily but what happens when hes all alone in his house one day.... I think its only then that he will think about me and regret it.

What we had was amazing.

sedgwick Established Member

sedgwick

Posted
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My ex left me 7 months ago and I cannot even imagine loving again. I don't even know how long it's been since I even found someone else attractive. I did break up with someone once in order to be with someone else, but I was very clear with him that that was why I was leaving (and we had our issues anyway.) I have never, ever, ever gone out right after a breakup and hooked up with someone else. I assume, however, that my ex is fine and dandy and madly in love now that he's rid of me.

DaisyBelle Established Member

DaisyBelle

Posted
Posted

Well, I didn't get a new guy straight away after my break up (I did the breaking up), but months later, when I was *still* struggling with feelings for my ex, I forced myself to date. I was trying to prove to myself that I was over my ex and that I could find someone new who was just as kind as my ex.

 

It totally backfired, btw. It made me miss my ex something fierce because New Guy was not nearly as great as the ex. In the beginning with New Guy, I was able to forget about my ex, because the first month with New Guy was very much a honeymoon phase. But the second (and last) month with New Guy was when he showed his true colors and became possessive and abusive; this made me really ache for my ex, who never treated me poorly.

 

It was awful. I do regret ending things with my ex very, very much - but that was the case even before New Guy. New Guy was my attempt not to acknowledge that feeling.

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Peter_pan Established Member

Peter_pan

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see i think my ex will think that this guy is treating her better than i did. because admittedly i did push her away. even though my actions (buying her a bracellet) spoke louder than words.

 

i do regret meeting her at a club and txting her where the f are you :( i was drunk and was annoyed at looking all over the place for her having drunk people spilling drinks on me. i shouldnt have taken it out on her

mistie03 Established Member

mistie03

Posted
Posted
My ex left me 7 months ago and I cannot even imagine loving again. I don't even know how long it's been since I even found someone else attractive. I did break up with someone once in order to be with someone else, but I was very clear with him that that was why I was leaving (and we had our issues anyway.) I have never, ever, ever gone out right after a breakup and hooked up with someone else. I assume, however, that my ex is fine and dandy and madly in love now that he's rid of me.

I am the same way, sedgwick. I don't find anyone attractive! I go out and have met several guys that were interested, but I'm just not ready I guess. :o

 

I met a guy friend for dinner tonight. We had great conversation and it was good to see him. But, on my way home, I started thinking about my ex-bf. Dammit. I don't want to think about him anymore.

vivrantflo Established Member

vivrantflo

Posted
Posted

Dude.. when you guys started going out, she was 18...

 

she's now 21... she's in that age group where girls want to "find themselves" or "figure things out"

 

I could have read your situation without you telling me her age, and I would have said she's in between 18-23.. they do that at that age.

 

 

No, her new man isn't special.. he's just different.. she wants to date around and try new men... that's why the other guy is so physically different to you.

 

NC, and don't even acknowledge her.. and when you're ready to start dating again.. aim for women aged 25 and up.. That way, they've already "figured themselves out" and "found themselves" and know the heartache and pain that comes with breaking up with someone..

 

Good luck

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Peter_pan Established Member

Peter_pan

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vivrantflo, you are very right. they seem to hit that age and then it all goes belly up.

 

i do aim to find someone who has figured themselves out but in the mean time date around and experience many different girls so i know whats what.

 

you are also right in saying he isn't special he is just different. i just think it sucks she couldnt live on her own for a bit then truly decide. its like i said they are almost forcing there mind that they are moving on

 

 

it just hurts being told by her that her feelings have changed and she is happy with HER life :( o well. thanks for the post

 

i am going NC and when you say dont even acknowledge her what if i see her in the street with him or on her own or at a club? should i blank her all the way, and just leave the club. and also her bro is moving up and wants to see me.... why is life this complex

Edited by Peter_pan
Belkin Established Member

Belkin

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I like your explaination of "he's just different." Because my ex's new bf sure isn't special at all! And same here, I don't find any other girl attractive for now...

becauseofyou Member

becauseofyou

Posted
Posted

I guess sometimes girls do. But me, I got together with my partner about 5 days after breaking up with my ex.

 

At the time both my friends and his friends said it was a rebound thing (me rebounding) and I tried to convince everyone that I was actually falling for the new guy and didn't want to leap into a new relationship. 5 years later I'm still together with the "new guy" and my ex is now happier than he was when he was with me. We weren't suited, we moved on and sometimes it happens sooner than you would think!

 

Obviously that's not the same for everyone but that's my story! I hope it works out the same for you and in a couple of years you and your ex can chat about this and both be happy with what happened.

becauseofyou Member

becauseofyou

Posted
Posted

Oh and I just want to add - I haven't read your situation (I'm about to!), I was just replying to the title question.

 

If a female friend of mine announced she was moving into another relationship 5 days after ending one then I would be wary and tell her to be careful. I guess that makes me a bundle of contradiction but then again every situation is different.

 

Sorry - I'm not much help am I!:confused:

blind_otter Established Member

blind_otter

Posted
Posted

Some women do that. Hell, I've known more than a few guys that did the same thing so it's not a gender issue. Some people just always do this. I'm guilty of it, so are many of my friends.

 

It's the whole backburner theory. You start to feel things lag in your current relationship, then you meet someone while attached and find yourself attracted to them. You sort of overlap relationships. Either that or you cultivate a friendship, acquainteceship, some kind of connection with the new guy, and then once you break up with your old guy you immediately fan the flames with the new guy and just jump from relationship to relationship.

 

When I was dating at that age (almost 10 years ago! :eek:) I did this. I would break up with one guy and start dating a new guy almost immediately.

SuziwithaQ Member

SuziwithaQ

Posted
Posted

For me in general, yes. It is easier to move on when there is someone new to think about. I don't think it is the best solution, but for me it's what I do.

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Peter_pan Established Member

Peter_pan

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completely sucks though. it means she cant miss me even if she thought about missing me.

 

cruel :(

 

seems to me that women can jump into the next relationship better than guys. i mean i did fall for this girl. it took time but once i knew it was over i really did panic and realize how much i love her :(

Cannondale Member

Cannondale

Posted
Posted
Yes, many times they absolutely do. I have proof. In my case, we broke up (for a few days) in November. I went out of town for a week and while we got back together a few days later I found out she had called up a guy, gone over to his house, watched a movie and made out with him.

 

I was really upset and her response was essentially that she did it to "force" herself to move on.

 

Now, we're DONE (likely for good) and though it's been a month today, I know for a fact she's flirting with other guys and has dates lined up this weekend. It smacks of "rebound" but at the same time it hurts because all I heard about was how she didn't want to date anyone else right now and really wanted to find out who she was. BS.

 

I don't know how much of it can point to self esteem issues (needing to be validated by men) or possibly pushing themselves to move on and maybe even to some degree wanting to hurt us (the ex).

 

Either way, from my experience, women absolutely do get a new guy to help them move on. Very frustrating.

 

Yeah it's tough man. My ex gf did the *exact* same thing, said she was just being herself for now, when low and behold she was hooking up/seeing another guy not even a week after we broke up. But I just try to remind myself that it's their loss.

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