sugahoney Posted February 16, 2008 Posted February 16, 2008 My ex and I have been broken up for about 2 months now and I didnt feel the usual sadness I think I should have felt, he has started dating someone else and I still didnt feel too horrible. But tonight some of our mutual friends had a games evening and my ex brought his new friend, everything started out fine and as the evening progressed i just got more hostile towards him, I'm sure other ppl noticed it but I was so angry. After the evening ended, as I was driving home he called me and asked me why I was behaving like that towards him at first I told him nothing was wrong and I was just caught up in playing the game after he pushed somemore I finally admitted that I was jealous and that if I got angry at him, I could pretend that it didnt bother me. I think maybe I was in denial before, because a friend gave me a book called How to get your ex back and I was really believing these things and I was saying she wont be around for ever, he will come back to me. I think that book gave me a unrealistic view of what will happen. I think it is time to really move on, I cried my eyes out on the drive home for about 5 minutes and I feel better now. Why dont I feel any worse, I read about how many problems some of you on here are having dealing with the break up and I wonder why dont I feel half as bad as they do. Any thoughts
Geishawhelk Posted February 16, 2008 Posted February 16, 2008 It's a bit long, so bear with me... Well, it's weird, but I was watching a programme on UK TV yesterday, called 'people Watching, and it's fronted by a group of psychologists, psychotherapisits and Neuro-Linguistic Programming experts (NLP) and they explain why people say things and act in certain ways, according to specific external stimuli... They conducted an experiment, telling members of the public they were doing market research on a word game. They left loads of words on a table, and asked people to arrange them into 20 well-known phrases, and to ring a bell - but only to ring it once -for the attendant when they had finished. One group of people had all 'negative phrases' (going from bad to worse, it's an ill wind that blows no good,) things like that. The other group had all 'positive phrases (like 'you are the sunshine of my life' I've got happy feet') things of this kind... The attendant purposely waited 2 minutes before answering each bell. The first group of people were a lot more impatient, rude and surly after they'd rung the bell, and all of them rung it more than once. One lady rang it 44 times - in 2 minutes!! they thought it was a poor game, and that it wouldn't sell, because similar games already existed. The second group were more relaxed, more serene, more pleasant and laid-back. They enjoyed the game, found it challenging, and thought it would do really well. In brief, yes. The book you read was a rteal downer, and affected you subconsciously in a bad way. It fed you with the information that you should be vidictive, spiteful and nasty. The presenters of the programme stated that if we all start the day by reading - or writing - something positive and uplifiting, it will actually improve our mood, and attitude. I think the way you coped with your break-up was healthy, and fine for you. You are who you are. And whether the relationship was 'special' or not, it doesn't matter. It went the way it went and you coped the way you coped. You were right to ditch the book. I'd have done the same. Be who you are. You're wonderful.
norajane Posted February 16, 2008 Posted February 16, 2008 You don't feel as bad as think you should? Either you are in denial and a part of you believes he will come back so you are waiting it out...or you weren't as into him as you thought you were and not having him in your life isn't really a big loss.
Author sugahoney Posted February 16, 2008 Author Posted February 16, 2008 I think I may still be in denial and on some level I think he will come back. He is a great guy but I did things that stopped him from getting closer to me early on in the relationship. I want him back, and I'm willing to wait things out. Earlier today I was thinking that maybe I should just cut all contact with him but the problem with that is wwe work together so its kinda difficult. He still tetxs me sometimes and we chat on msn and at work but I'm not sure what to do
Peter_pan Posted February 16, 2008 Posted February 16, 2008 (edited) hmm well if there isn't any way you can avoid him in your case he works at your work. you could go on a holiday to get away from it for a short time. that would certainly help the NC and get the message to him plus you would enjoy yourself. if i where you i would stop the talking through msn and if you do chat via txt or what ever keep it strictly formal. like only talk if you have to. remember he didn't find someone to get at you. he is just moving on with his life and you should do the same. if you where meant to be it will be. wether its in 8 months or 5 years! and to be honest you shouldn't be around him in that situation you will never get over him if you are hanging out. all you can do like i have with my ex gf is wish him/her good luck and leave it there. you have to draw a line or you will just hurt yourself to no end Edited February 16, 2008 by Peter_pan
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