browngirl Posted February 16, 2008 Posted February 16, 2008 Hi to all. I just want to talk about how I feel. i got no one to talk with about what I do feel inside. So I guess you guys will be able to hear me out and let me know what you think. I have been married for only almost 2 years. We were not together most of the time since I am Asian and I didnt have the proper immigration papers to stay with him. I would visit him when he cant come over to my home country. I didnt pressure him about the petition because I didnt want him to think that I am only after Green Card. I wanted him to do it when he is ready. Last year, few months after our 1st anniversary, I found out that he was seeing this girl. I confronted him and I was so devastated. I kept on thinking about our baby not having a daddy to grow up with. After this incident, we decided that I will be moving to stay with him. I thought that it was the physical separation that caused the infidelity. He bought a house, and started to be ready for me and our baby. I think I forgave him too fast. Before flying out here, i found out that he was flirting with another girl over the phone...texting and all. That was so hurtful. Knowing that the 1st episode just happened and I have not really gotten over that then this thing happens again. I didnt want to come here anymore but I keep on thinking that I should give my baby to grow up with a daddy. I am now here, in a new place, with few people I know. And I just feel so far from him. I do love him, I am sure of that. But we dont talk about what he has done. He just said he is sorry. I dont know. I just miss how we used to be. We used to have lots of fun together but i just find it hard to laugh with him. I want to talk to him about how I feel but whenever I think about it, I see that he is tired from work. I try not to stress him but its really messing me up inside. Should I stay? Do you guys think that this will actually work out?
Belkin Posted February 16, 2008 Posted February 16, 2008 If you go there will be trouble And if you stay it will be double... (sorry, couldn't resist) Seriously, I think better no daddy than a bad daddy. If that is the main issue for you, don't stay with him. You, and your child, need someone supportive, not someone who cheated on you TWICE and doesn't seem really sorry about what he did!
mistie03 Posted February 16, 2008 Posted February 16, 2008 I think that it can work if he is truly sorry for what he has done. But, it doesn't sound like he has changed his ways if he is still texting and communicating with other women. I always wonder why a guy asks someone to marry them if they are going to continue to act like they are single. That doesn't make sense to me.
Author browngirl Posted February 17, 2008 Author Posted February 17, 2008 Well honestly, he has done so much just to bring us over here. Bought a house, fixed it well. He is making sure that our baby and I are comfortable. he is a good provider and I can say that he is a good daddy. Right now, I am still trying to weigh things. I see that he is trying hard to prove that its us he wants. At the same time, I am also on guard because if it happens again, he will be coming home to an empty house. That is what I am sure about. I just hope I would feel better. He is really good with our baby. I feel happy when I see them together. But sometimes, when he is at work and I am just sitting at home, I always want to go back home. I just wish he would talk to me about it but I guess men tries to avoid talking about how they messed up.
EllaDerSpin Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 A good relationship requires both good communication, and the ability to know when to leave things alone. No-one likes to be nagged, but it is fine to talk about issues and feelings you have in the relationship. Especially when those issues have arisen as a result of the other persons inconsiderate behaviour. Also, dont underestimate the impact that moving to a new country and away from all other sources of support is having. Give yourself a little time to get used to that, and make some new friends.
Miyamoto Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 I always wonder why a guy asks someone to marry them if they are going to continue to act like they are single. That doesn't make sense to me. Women have a convincing way of making that whole marriage thing happen when they want to, whether the guy wants to or not. I don't think this is going to work. I'm never a fan of staying together for the baby's sake. If you do, the baby will pick up on the bad vibes, your sadness, and hubby's indifference. These will become part of the baby's personality. America is growing up half divorced. It's just as prevalent as marriage. Better a happy divorce than an unhappy marriage.
sally4sara Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 He is never going to respect you if you don't stand up for yourself. You need to talk to him. He is your husband and talking to him about what bothers you is part of what he is suppose to do. Stop invalidating your own feelings. Yes he got a house for the three of you and you say he is a good provider, but those things are part of what a married couple do. It isn't his payment to you for keeping your mouth shut about your feelings and emotional needs. If you can't see that you will never be able to expect him to. He didn't buy you. He agreed to be your partner not your owner so stop acting like you owe him your misery.
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