Author It_Hurts Posted February 18, 2008 Author Posted February 18, 2008 What do you mean? He has left her AGAIN, he hasn't left her before. You obviously want to give me YOUR answer to the question. Go ahead.
Author It_Hurts Posted February 18, 2008 Author Posted February 18, 2008 Whew. What are you going to do? This happens so often - men get scared and finally act when they see us pulling away, but by the time we've pulled away, we don't care anymore. I wish I could bottle that, "who cares, go f*** yourself" vibe and give it out when I actually still had something invested in the relationship. I think men can smell true rejection and can't handle it, it's emasculating . . . Let us know what you decide . . . I am not going to do anything. I totally understand he now needs to sort himself out. I have told him, I am here for him when he is ready.
Mustang Sally Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 IH - I think your story (so far, at least) is a very good illustration of how if an OW distances herself from the situation emotionally, and becomes more independent of the MM, she is more likely to see just exactly what he does want - meaning, YOU, in your case. I am struck with how your MM was unable to make that decision while you were constantly there for him in every way. You know? I think it is a good example of how, in just about any type of relationship, it is important for people to not lose themselves (a sort of self-sacrifice, if you will) completely to the other person. I'm not saying you can't be caring and considerate...but if it becomes one person offering up themselves/their life/their happiness completely to the other...well, it usually isn't viable in the end. I hope things go well for you.
Owl Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 I apologize, I went back and re-read your initial post and realized that I had your situation confused with someone else's. He's not left his wife before...again, my apologies. Also, upon re-reading your initial post, I found where you stated that you didn't want to hear shouting about his wife, as that was HIS problem and not yours. If you have no care about how your actions hurt other people (they're his problem, not yours), then I guess that there isn't anything that "is so wrong with getting a bit of love and attention from someone, it makes me feel special, it makes me feel good so what the hell?". If you don't care, it doesn't matter, right?
whichwayisup Posted February 18, 2008 Posted February 18, 2008 You don't know, and I bet neither does he, what is going to happen. Time will tell. Just because he's left doesn't mean he's going to come running to you. IF this is the final straw and he is actually going to divorce, then stay out of it completely. Don't get involved at all, give him time and space. Maybe things will work out for you, but in all honesty, there's still a big chance that he is going to go back home and work things out once things cool off between him and his wife. Don't take what he says as a definate, he's hurting, angry and emotional, just like his wife is too - They still need to talk.
Author It_Hurts Posted February 18, 2008 Author Posted February 18, 2008 You don't know, and I bet neither does he, what is going to happen. Time will tell. Just because he's left doesn't mean he's going to come running to you. IF this is the final straw and he is actually going to divorce, then stay out of it completely. Don't get involved at all, give him time and space. Maybe things will work out for you, but in all honesty, there's still a big chance that he is going to go back home and work things out once things cool off between him and his wife. Don't take what he says as a definate, he's hurting, angry and emotional, just like his wife is too - They still need to talk. I know - it is exactly what I have said to him. Almost my exact words. I will not be interferring, I don't think it is right that he comes to me immediately until he is comfortable to do so. I am not talking about moving in but just being with me. I intend to keep doing what I am doing and what will be, will be. I do not want to push him or make any suggestions in any way. It's his life and he has to overcome so many obstacles and hurdles along the way and he may not even be able to do it. I haven't got my hopes up, if he goes back, that is up to him, he has a very long road ahead and I totally understand the problems he is going to face, which are happening already.
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