I'm so miserable...

[shadowplay]

Shadow, what do you honestly expect us to say?

 

Is I told you so too blatant?

 

How long is it going to be before you realise your mistake and want your BF back?

 

I know thats harsh, but my predictions so far have come true...

 

Believe me, I realize my mistake. My bf's grass is looking a whole lot greener.

 

An "I told you so" is definitely warranted. I wasn't expecting much more from you guys. I just wanted to give an update for those who were curious.

Edited March 3, 2008 by shadowplay

[sb129]

Believe me, I realize my mistake. I just didn't know how sick this guy was.

 

Sigh. Some of us tried to tell you, but I guess you need to learn the hard way. I can relate to that....but then when I did it, I didn't have nearly 50 people telling me not to!

 

He was never going to be the next knight in shining armour- the very fact that we was prepared to unashamedly muscle in on his friends GF was testament to that. You could have avoided this all Shadowplay. Out of the frying pan and into the fire huh..

 

So... what next? Think you might try being single for a little while?

[sb129]

Believe me, I realize my mistake. My bf's grass is looking a whole lot greener.

 

An "I told you so" is definitely warranted. I wasn't expecting much more from you guys. I just wanted to give an update for those who were curious.

 

Well, consider yourself told, but really, we did try to tell you so that you WOULDN'T end up in this situation.

 

But you are, so lets deal with that.

 

I really think you need some time out ALONE. No BF, no creepy guy, just you, and learning a bit about why you do the things you do.

 

I think it could help you in any future Rs.. I really do.

[shadowplay]

Well, consider yourself told, but really, we did try to tell you so that you WOULDN'T end up in this situation.

 

But you are, so lets deal with that.

 

I really think you need some time out ALONE. No BF, no creepy guy, just you, and learning a bit about why you do the things you do.

 

I think it could help you in any future Rs.. I really do.

 

I agree. I've reached a personal nadir and jjust want to cut all the sickness out of my life, including that guy.

 

I think I was so fed up with a guy who wouldn't stand up to me that I went to the opposite extreme, which I've learned is even worse.

 

No guys for awhile. I need to get m life together.

[sb129]

I agree. I've reached a personal nadir and right now I just want to cut all the sickness out of my life, including that guy.

 

I think I was so fed up with a guy who wouldn't stand up to me that I went to the opposite extreme, which I've learned is even worse.

 

No guys for awhile. I need to get m life together.

 

 

Atta girl.

 

Well if there is a silver lining, then thats it.

 

I am watching you you know.... NO BOYS.

[spookie]

I agree with sb. No boys.

 

It's good that you realized this about Mr. Creep as quickly as you did. And before sex. I'm impressed.

[BlueEyedGirl]

I'm pretty sure that Shadowplay is already back with the bf.

[shadowplay]

For the record I'm not back with my boyfriend, but we have hung out a few times (platonically) because we're working on a short film together. This is a different movie idea for one of my classes.

 

Yesterday I was resolved never to see Sean again. This morning I started to crave him. I haven't planned anything, but the temptation is strong. Everything reminds me of him. On the subway this morning, I did a double take whenever I saw a guy who looked vaguely like him from the back. Gah. I don't know how to fight it. I know he's bad for me. I know it. Why does he have such a hold on me? I find his combination of intelligence and working-class-ness so compelling for some reason.

 

My mother says she's always worried I'd fall into a abusive relationship with a guy and now fears that may come to pass. She says I'm predisposed because I have low self esteem and had turbulent relationships with all the men in my life growing up. Nasty, remote father. Abusive, moody uncle whom I idealized and lived with me for a year when my parents split. The problem is I only feel passion for guys who have qualities that I associate with masculinity and strength, even though iI realize those qualities are weakness and only look like strength at first glance.

 

Does that mean I'll never be passionate about a guy who treats me well? Is it possible to change what you're attracted to on a primal level when such instincts naturally defy reason?

 

I feel so weak.

Edited March 4, 2008 by shadowplay

[blind_otter]

 

Does that mean I'll never be passionate about a guy who treats me well? Is it possible to change what you're attracted to on a primal level when such instincts naturally defy reason?

 

I feel so weak.

 

Define what "treats me well" means to you.

[shadowplay]

Define what "treats me well" means to you.

 

Respectful; not controlling; gives me consistent attention, affection and love.

[whichwayisup]

My mother says she's always worried I'd fall into a abusive relationship with a guy and now fears that may come to pass. She says I'm predisposed because I have low self esteem and had turbulent relationships with all the men in my life growing up. Nasty, remote father. Abusive, moody uncle whom I idealized and lived with me for a year when my parents split. The problem is I only feel passion for guys who have qualities that I associate with masculinity and strength, even though iI realize those qualities are weakness and only look like strength at first glance.

 

Not only is it time to be on your own for a while with no guys, but also, do some counselling, talk therapy to help you cope with your past. It seems to really be affecting you now.

 

Respectful; not controlling; gives me consistent attention, affection and love

 

It is unfair to expect constant attention from anyone - To put that expectation on someone only leads to hurt feelings, disappointment and feeling let down. Ofcourse you want to be loved, respected and have affection in your life! Think about the counselling, k.

[blind_otter]

Respectful; not controlling; gives me consistent attention, affection and love.

 

Well it's good to know what you want. What does "controlling" mean to you?

 

TBH, I think that if you do pursue conselling you should not necessarily focus on relationships per se. It's about the big picture, not the small components that make up the person.

 

And also, considering that you don't have many friends, then your expectation of what is consistent attention, affection and love may be skewed. You cannot expect one person to be your everything.

[Nevermind]

There is something that I noticed from reading your posts. (Don't feel insulted, I don't mean to be harsh.)

 

You don't take responsibility. You always appear to be floating in your world, driven by the current of actions taken by others.

For example:

You met with your ex, and when people tell you that this is not a nice thing, you simply say it was his idea. As if you didn't have anything to do with it.

Or your obsession with finding a mental ilness, some condition that would take the blame. If you had a mental disorder, it wouldn't be your fault. Right?

 

And Sean...

 

You feel drawn to somebody, you know is bad for you. (And you don't know that subconciously, but in clear thought.) Yet, you chose to walk down that path, to be the victim of your emotions. You know that you're intelligent, creative and delicate. Yet sometimes I wonder, if you're not too much in love with that aspect of yourself. If you're not really doing all this to reassure yourself what a deeply emotional woman you are.

 

I know you don't enjoy this. And I am sorry that you're feeling bad. But to be honest, you made this mess. Every single step that took you here, you walked on your own.

 

-----

 

As for the consistent love. You are right in asking for this. But consistent love doesn't equal consistent courting, or consistent statements of affection. Consistent love is when somebody buys your favorite cereal every time they go to the super-market. Consistent love is when somebody doesn't like american idol but will watch it with you, just because. Consistent love is trust. Trust in the relationship, trust in the other person.

[starrynight]

I'll be short and blunt:

 

You're selfish and far too self involved to be in a relationship right now. You are ****ing with another person's life. Be single for a year or more, figure yourself out, and at least get to a level where you're not entirely using a relationship for your own needs.

 

"I would break up with him in a heartbeat if the kind of guy I really wanted came along"

 

Either you don't want to be with HIM, or you're idealizing the unknown to an extreme level, or some mixture of the two. Either way, you shouldn't be with him.

 

 

 

I can't get into the details of what happened because I will get beaten to a bloody pulp by you guys if I do, but let's just say I did something destructive, the outcome was bad, and now I feel completely worthless. It probably wouldn't a bother a rational, sane person, but I know it will take MONTHS for me to get over this because it has taken that long in the past.

 

I'm scared, guys. My self esteem is in tatters. I felt so miserable that I skipped my class last night, gorged myself on VD candy today and yesterday, called in sick for work (which may mean I never get another job with this temp agency), and didn't take my antidepressants today because it felt more "real" to wallow in misery.

 

I am a mess.

 

My poor boyfriend has born the brunt of it. I'm torturing him with my emotional ups and downs. He's such a sweetheart it kills me, and he doesn't deserve it. I don't know why he even puts up with me. He is so, so sweet.

 

Again yesterday I almost broke up with him because I felt like it was the right thing to do, mostly for his sake, and again I caved (this isn't the thing I did I was alluding to earlier). My feelings for him are all over the place. One minute I want to marry him, the next I want to break up. What's wrong with me? The strange thing is I experience all those emotions simultaneously -- extreme love, while wanting something more and fearing like I've settled.

 

I'll peer longingly at him as we lie side by side in bed, aching to fuse my soul with his, and at the same time taking it for granted that I would break up with him in a heartbeat if the kind of guy I really wanted came along. Why am I so emotional fked up? Seriously, I have no idea what I want. I'm scared to death of letting him go and being alone, because I really do love him on some level.

 

Since I've met him my life has improved a lot (believe it or not), and I've been trying harder. I'm scared that if I break things off with him I'll lose my traction and fall into the void. I might actually be endangering myself and my future by breaking up with him. I'm pretty self destructive and things like this have been known to push me off the deep end.

 

I also believe deep down that I'll never find a guy I'm completely in love with who reciprocates so I should just settle for something almost as good (what I have with him).

 

What do you guys think?

 

I've been stringing him along for weeks now in a constant state of ambivalence.

[shadowplay]

We're on break, but open to the possibility of reuniting once I've been single for awhile and outgrown some of my problems (who knows how long that will take).

 

He found out about Loveshack and is determined to start his own side of the story thread. I felt weird about it at first, but I guess it is his right. I warned him people would probably dismiss him as a troll or me in cognito. Luckily I suspect his writing style will be hard to mistake

 

Should be interesting for you guys to see both sides of a story for once.

Edited March 11, 2008 by shadowplay

[Star Gazer]

We're on break, but open to the possibility of reuniting once I've been single for awhile and outgrown some of my problems (who knows how long that will take).

 

He found out about Loveshack and is determined to start his own side of the story thread. I felt weird about it at first, but I guess it is his right. I warned him people would probably dismiss him as a troll or me in cognito. Luckily I suspect his writing style will be hard to mistake

 

Should be interesting for you guys to see both sides of a story for once.

 

I actually think that will be very helpful, Shadow. Not only for you, but for all of us. I hope you'll verify it's him when he does show up.