Kamille Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 I think the ex-bf has a strong character and that he will move on all on his own. No one likes to be manipulated for too long. I find most people's sense of self eventually kicks in. Besides, I don't think it is up to us to decide what is good for him. I predict that within 6 months he will be dating someone else. What I find intriguing is that Shadow never answers we ask her about his well-being.
Author shadowplay Posted February 29, 2008 Author Posted February 29, 2008 Yes i see that it was his idea, and currently he does not have the self respect and willpower to overcome all this. So he is obviously thinking of these sorts of crazy things to bring you back into his world. The thing is once he does mature and gain more respect, and things sink in, his outlook on all this will be vastly different. Not only to you but his choice in lousy friends. "We're meeting up on Sunday to work on it." it is when you said this, i was more looking at. Now to do what you did is past tense, it is done now, what will come of that will unravel itself in due time. But in regard to your ex's situation, give him the ounce of respect you could not give him when you decided to start messing around with one of his friends and let him move on to someone he deserves. We probably won't end up doing it anyway. It was more just something we were joking about.
Author shadowplay Posted February 29, 2008 Author Posted February 29, 2008 I've actually seen him a few times since we broke up. He's very angry at me, and I don't blame him. I do want to stay friends with him, because we have a great time together when there isn't conflict.
Angels&Airwaves Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 I've actually seen him a few times since we broke up. He's very angry at me, and I don't blame him. I do want to stay friends with him, because we have a great time together when there isn't conflict. Wouldn’t it be better if you left him alone for a few months so he can re-build himself? Clearly he is bound to be angry at you after all you’ve hurt him a lot, but if you allow him space and time to recover and move on maybe then you two can be at peace with one another to start a friendship. Personally if I was him, I’d cut you off from me completely, but then I’m not the most forgiving of people, so he is a better man than I.
Author shadowplay Posted February 29, 2008 Author Posted February 29, 2008 Wouldn’t it be better if you left him alone for a few months so he can re-build himself? Clearly he is bound to be angry at you after all you’ve hurt him a lot, but if you allow him space and time to recover and move on maybe then you two can be at peace with one another to start a friendship. Personally if I was him, I’d cut you off from me completely, but then I’m not the most forgiving of people, so he is a better man than I. But should I insist on not seeing him even if asks to see me? I've never gone NC with an ex. Doesn't seem natural to me.
lino Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 I've actually seen him a few times since we broke up. He's very angry at me, and I don't blame him. I do want to stay friends with him, because we have a great time together when there isn't conflict. I think wanting to f*ck his 'friend' is a little more than just a conflict
Author shadowplay Posted February 29, 2008 Author Posted February 29, 2008 I think the ex-bf has a strong character and that he will move on all on his own. No one likes to be manipulated for too long. I find most people's sense of self eventually kicks in. Besides, I don't think it is up to us to decide what is good for him. I predict that within 6 months he will be dating someone else. What I find intriguing is that Shadow never answers we ask her about his well-being.[/quote] I think he's doing okay. I doubt he'll be that heart broken since he's so pissed off at me. Maybe it's a good thing that he is, because it allows him to protect his heart.
dropdeadlegs Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 But should I insist on not seeing him even if asks to see me? I've never gone NC with an ex. Doesn't seem natural to me.Yet taking off your shirt with his friend felt completely natural. Engaging in sex feels more natural than getting to know someone through interactive conversation. You are something else, girl!
lino Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 (edited) Yes i see that it was his idea, and currently he does not have the self respect and willpower to overcome all this. So he is obviously thinking of these sorts of crazy things to bring you back into his world. The thing is once he does mature and gain more respect, and things sink in, his outlook on all this will be vastly different. Not only to you but his choice in lousy friends. "We're meeting up on Sunday to work on it." it is when you said this, i was more looking at. Now to do what you did is past tense, it is done now, what will come of that will unravel itself in due time. But in regard to your ex's situation, give him the ounce of respect you could not give him when you decided to start messing around with one of his friends and let him move on to someone he deserves. I agree with this. IMO you are just loving all of this because you don't have other ways to pass your time. If you really just wanted to start having sex with the friend you'd be doing it & not worrying about your ex. Edited February 29, 2008 by lino
Author shadowplay Posted February 29, 2008 Author Posted February 29, 2008 Yet taking off your shirt with his friend felt completely natural. Engaging in sex feels more natural than getting to know someone through interactive conversation. You are something else, girl! I know I have social problems.
Author shadowplay Posted February 29, 2008 Author Posted February 29, 2008 I agree with this. IMO you are just loving all of this because you don't have other ways to pass your time. If you really just wanted to start having sex with the friend you'd be doing it & not worrying about your ex. How can I not think about him? We were together for 7 1/2 months.
Angels&Airwaves Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 But should I insist on not seeing him even if asks to see me? I've never gone NC with an ex. Doesn't seem natural to me. You have to decide whether or not he is the right frame of mind to be making such decisions based on his behavioural patterns, I mean after all you probably know him better than anyone right? He could be finding it increasingly difficult to let you go, which is why I reckon it’s best if you slowly cut down the contact between you two until he is no longer angry, lacking in self respect and is able to move on. You don’t have to stop all contact with him, but just allow him space to move on and find someone else. I know the whole lets right a screenplay about the incident was a joke, and what makes it utterly peculiar is that it was his idea, but it’s absolutely warped. I don’t know this man, but judging from what you have put him through I can picture him knocking on your door with a pen and note pad in hand. Sometimes when someone holds onto something it goes from affection to oppression and you have to decide whether or not it is right for you to keep him in toe. I personally would allow him his space, even if he doesn’t feel he needs it. I don’t mean to sound patronising, but I reckon he doesn’t know what he wants; he’s angry at you and yet refuses to sever the main ties with you. Only you can decide what you do, but to me it seem intolerably cruel for you not to force his hand and allow him to move, you might not be doing it intentionally, but you’re the blockage which is going to prevent him from moving on.
Angels&Airwaves Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 I think he's doing okay. I doubt he'll be that heart broken since he's so pissed off at me. Maybe it's a good thing that he is, because it allows him to protect his heart. Maybe he's angry with you because he's heartbroken?
Replicant Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 We probably won't end up doing it anyway. It was more just something we were joking about. Read between the lines as to why he's doing that. He's still 3 steps behind in processing all of this. While you've moved forward to his friend a long time ago, when you first contemplated even doing such a thing. When your ex-boyfriend does catch up and gain some self respect/confidence and realize how he was treated, Sean's only shortness of breath will be coming from when it's knocked right out of him. At that point he may also splice the wonderful screenplay he's wanting to write with you into that of a horror movie.
lino Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 How can I not think about him? We were together for 7 1/2 months. 7 1/2 months didn't seem like much when you decided you wanted to f*ck his friend though did it? I still don't think you understand just how bad it is to do what you're doing to this guy.
Author shadowplay Posted February 29, 2008 Author Posted February 29, 2008 Read between the lines as to why he's doing that. He's still 3 steps behind in processing all of this. While you've moved forward to his friend a long time ago, when you first contemplated even doing such a thing. When your ex-boyfriend does catch up and gain some self respect/confidence and realize how he was treated, Sean's only shortness of breath will be coming from when it's knocked right out of him. At that point he may also splice the wonderful screenplay he's wanting to write with you into that of a horror movie. LOL about the horror story comment. From what I understand, Sean and my ex are on good terms again. Apparently they have hung out a few times since and haven't mentioned me. They're back into their usual routine. If my ex were like most people, his friendship with Sean would be over. But he's an extremely forgiving person, which is why he put up with me for so long. I wouldn't be surprised if they remained friends and the whole thing blew over in a few weeks.
Ariadne Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 How can I not think about him? We were together for 7 1/2 months. So. Are you going to see that guy again (S) or you had enough?
Author shadowplay Posted February 29, 2008 Author Posted February 29, 2008 7 1/2 months didn't seem like much when you decided you wanted to f*ck his friend though did it? I still don't think you understand just how bad it is to do what you're doing to this guy. Just for the record, I didn't have sex with his friend. Yes, I understand how bad it is, and I'm not making excuses for my behavior. I think I just feel sort of numb right now.
Angels&Airwaves Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 LOL about the horror story comment. From what I understand, Sean and my ex are on good terms again. Apparently they have hung out a few times since and haven't mentioned me. They're back into their usual routine. If my ex were like most people, his friendship with Sean would be over. But he's an extremely forgiving person, which is why he put up with me for so long. I wouldn't be surprised if they remained friends and the whole thing blew over in a few weeks. And you ditched your ex for Sean because? You have a great guy like the one you had and then you ditch him for some worthless individual (just going by what I’ve read). I guess some people are just never grateful or satisfied with they have. Do you think that both your ex and Sean will cut you off now they are back being friends? I can see them not wanting to continue contacting you etc. You are probably seen as a wedge that came between them and tried to destroy their friendship.
Author shadowplay Posted February 29, 2008 Author Posted February 29, 2008 And you ditched your ex for Sean because? You have a great guy like the one you had and then you ditch him for some worthless individual (just going by what I’ve read). I guess some people are just never grateful or satisfied with they have. Do you think that both your ex and Sean will cut you off now they are back being friends? I can see them not wanting to continue contacting you etc. You are probably seen as a wedge that came between them and tried to destroy their friendship. It's true. My ex is an amazing person, and I don't throw superlatives like that around casually. He's smart as a whip, funny, creative, incredibly kind and patient. But for some reason I just don't have the same passion for him. Attraction is pretty irrational.
Trialbyfire Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 The more I read, the more I see a lack of any depth of emotion. This will blow over and fairly quickly, reliant on how much you decide to angst about the situation. It's a learning experience unto itself shadow, not only for you. The experience is that settling does no one any good. Imagine how it might have turned out, had you decided to remain with your b/f and the two of you were to take it a more "committed" level. What I see, is the recipe for cheating and a lot of heartache in the future, if it had proceeded in that direction.
Cobra_X30 Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 It's true. My ex is an amazing person, and I don't throw superlatives like that around casually. He's smart as a whip, funny, creative, incredibly kind and patient. But for some reason I just don't have the same passion for him. Attraction is pretty irrational. No you rejecting him makes perfect rational sense. Think of it in terms of what he had to offer you vs. what you want. I believe you will only be attracted to men who can emotionally provide you internal validation.
lino Posted March 1, 2008 Posted March 1, 2008 Just for the record, I didn't have sex with his friend. Yes, I understand how bad it is, and I'm not making excuses for my behavior. I think I just feel sort of numb right now. yeah but you're planning to no? and you already almost did. if you had really cared about your ex while you were with him you wouldn't have considered any of it. Honestly, until you have really close friends of your own, you'll never understand how low doing something like that is. Imagine how it might have turned out, had you decided to remain with your b/f and the two of you were to take it a more "committed" level. What I see, is the recipe for cheating and a lot of heartache in the future, if it had proceeded in that direction. spot on!
Author shadowplay Posted March 3, 2008 Author Posted March 3, 2008 (edited) Update. I saw him again, once. But my feelings for him have changed. He's creepy as hell. I mean, I already knew he had problems, but I didn't realize to what extent. We didn't have sex, thank god. 1) He's already getting possessive of me. He said he was starting to get jealous, even when I was still seeing my bf (after our first tryst) and got pissed off when my bf mentioned offhand that he was driving to my house. He told me not to have sex with my bf anymore. 2) After our second encounter he said "I'll miss you," which I thought was a bit creepy given that we barely know each other. He said he likes me "a lot." I get the vibe he's attaching too fast. He also said that it would be sad if he and my bf stopped being friends, but it would be sadder if he never had sex with me. 3) He gives me orders in bed like "take off your pants." He also asked me at one point to get up, turn on the light, and rummage through his sht for his weed so he could watch me prance around naked. I didn't oblige, and wasn't too pleased that he asked. 4) This is the really twisted part, that basically did it for me. He said that if he was in my bf's position he would have had a totally different reaction. Because he's a really jealous person, he would have killed my boyfriend and "be in jail right now being fcked up the ass every night by black dudes, but would wake up every morning with a smile on [his] face because [he] had killed my bf." FWIW he was drunk and being facetious, but still WTF. That freaked the hell out of me. He sounds dangerous and potentially abusive. I have no desire to ever see him again. To be fair, he has some good traits - smart, cute, talented. But they're FAR outweighed by all of his sick ones. I'm starting to wonder if he's a sociopath. He told me his mother abused him when he was little. I feel sorry for him, but he's beyond help. Sad as it is I wouldn't be surprised if he ended up offing himself in a few years. He's too stubborn to ever change. Edited March 3, 2008 by shadowplay
sb129 Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 Shadow, what do you honestly expect us to say? Is I told you so too blatant? How long is it going to be before you realise your mistake and want your BF back? I know thats harsh, but my predictions so far have come true...
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