I'm so miserable...

[Trialbyfire]

I agree. I'm not saying don't meet up with the other guy; but don't kid yourself that you're doing good by your bf by being honest with him.

 

The right thing to do would be to end it.

Exactly. End it, one way or the other.

 

In the past, you were so upset by your b/f even saying anyone else was attractive or not giving you sufficient attention. Can you imagine how you would feel if he were to do this to you? Can you not see beyond your own selfish needs?

 

A healthy relationship is when two people invest in the relationship, feeding it with positive energy. When one party thinks only of their own selfish well-being and needs, there's no relationship. There's only you...and...your needs.

[Ariadne]

The right thing to do would be to end it.

 

Exactly. End it, one way or the other.

 

That's Shadow and bf's business.

[Jilly Bean]

SP, I post very seldomly on your threads, but I have been a long-time reader.

 

I still contend you have a brilliant command of the language, and I truly do hope you find an outlet to explore the craft. It would be a waste of a true talent.

 

Beyond that, watching your life unfold is like watching a heroin addict cook a fix and shoot up. It's like watching you completely self-destruct and in the process, explode your emotional shrapnel into those around you. I don't think consequences of your actions even seem to matter much to you, as you take the end results very casually (yes, you do) and just move on to the next drama. I honestly question if you are a bit sociopathic, and I mean that purely in a pathological, clinical definition.

 

You are a very bright young woman. I think that contributes to your pain - your ability to understand a bit more than others may and process things on a different level. You are one who appears to be relatively self-aware, but also completely and totally unable to stop the cycle of abuse you inflict on yourself, and others around you. It truly is like watching an addict descend into their own heinous abyss.

 

Shadow - as long as you continue to graze the surface and ignore the real root of your issues, all of this drama, confusion, pain and horror will continue in your life. I think you honestly could benefit from an in-patient facility. Truly. I used to find your threads entertaining in a WTF kind of way, but now I really see how truly profoundly damaged you are. No thread here EVER has made me physically upset and disturbed, until this one. If you can evoke this type of response from a total stranger on an anonymous forum who really (honestly) has a limited interest in your life, I can only imagine what it is like to be in the eye of the storm of your world.

 

I so sincerely hope you find the help you need.

 

Blessed be...

[dropdeadlegs]

When I try to understand the heart of a problem, I might sound like I'm caricaturing. Yet, I read what you just wrote (this post) and it makes complete sense in regards to the picture I have of you. I never doubt that you are a sweet, brilliant, artistic, sensitive person who is acutely aware that she is "messed up" right now, to quote your own words.

 

I have to admit that your question as to whether or not we want you to keep us posted has me stomped. Most likely because for me, I think you should only post if it helps you. By now you know how unsettling LS can be - but I also believe you are one of the people who is really trying hard to work through her issues and who uses LS in a confessional yet transformative fashion. Maybe being confronted to opinions which can sometimes be harsh is helping you grow - and increasingly helping you to stop avoiding your problems. (ps, I was going to say, yesterday, that while I think you should start to focus on your strenghts, if you have to self-diagnose, go with avoidance personnality disorder.)

 

Your question also has me stomped because, as much as I want to know what's going to happen, to be honest I think I question my own motives. I know I want to know because I do care for you (last night I was worried that we were being too harsh). I also want to know because I have no idea what's going to happen next, and frankly, your life is like a soap opera these days.

 

So really, the question isn't whether we want to know. It's whether you want to keep sharing your life so openly on LS.

 

I'm also really glad to know you will be seeking cognitive therapy and hoping to invest in your own creative pursuits. You have many strengths Shadow - namely you're an incredible writer and a very perceptive person. I really wish you all the best.

I feel I was harsh last night and it has bothered me for much of the day. Yes, I felt bad about the possibility (likelihood) of hurting you. It's not my style, but read on.

 

SP, I post very seldomly on your threads, but I have been a long-time reader.

 

I still contend you have a brilliant command of the language, and I truly do hope you find an outlet to explore the craft. It would be a waste of a true talent.

 

Beyond that, watching your life unfold is like watching a heroin addict cook a fix and shoot up. It's like watching you completely self-destruct and in the process, explode your emotional shrapnel into those around you. I don't think consequences of your actions even seem to matter much to you, as you take the end results very casually (yes, you do) and just move on to the next drama. I honestly question if you are a bit sociopathic, and I mean that purely in a pathological, clinical definition.

 

You are a very bright young woman. I think that contributes to your pain - your ability to understand a bit more than others may and process things on a different level. You are one who appears to be relatively self-aware, but also completely and totally unable to stop the cycle of abuse you inflict on yourself, and others around you. It truly is like watching an addict descend into their own heinous abyss.

 

Shadow - as long as you continue to graze the surface and ignore the real root of your issues, all of this drama, confusion, pain and horror will continue in your life. I think you honestly could benefit from an in-patient facility. Truly. I used to find your threads entertaining in a WTF kind of way, but now I really see how truly profoundly damaged you are. No thread here EVER has made me physically upset and disturbed, until this one. If you can evoke this type of response from a total stranger on an anonymous forum who really (honestly) has a limited interest in your life, I can only imagine what it is like to be in the eye of the storm of your world.

 

I so sincerely hope you find the help you need.

 

Blessed be...

This post pinpoints how I feel. It's almost hard to read your threads because they are so well written (see above for how I truly see you; you're not one dimensional nor a caricature) and at the same time so self destructive. Your intelligence level is remarkable, but your "social" level, at least as far as relationships go, comes across as very naive and youthful and more along the lines of a 14 year old. It's difficult to assess your intelligence and understand why some of your actions/thoughts are so childlike. You detail your thoughts and feelings so well, and can't see how harmful the idea you are engaging is to someone you claim to love. He may say one thing, but he is desperate, and that is sad, too. That he remains friendly with someone so obviously out to stab him in the back, even overtly, is sad. He "accepts" that his GF and his friend want to "see where things go" and there is something inherently wrong with that assuming love is involved on any level.

 

This isn't a sexual threesome, and I have no doubt that none of you can handle an emotional/romantic/relationship threesome.

 

I'm sorry. I feel like I'm hurting you again, and I really don't mean to.

[a-sweetart]

Shadow,

 

Your posts read like my thoughts... which I believe are just that for you. Your thoughts at that moment. LS is like a diary for you. Where you lay out your thoughs, fears, and desires. BUT you receive a one sided disconnected response to those emotions. I truley hope that you do not base your life decisions based upon the one sided opinions of your fellow LSers. Life is not one deminional, and what you report here is only YOUR intrepretation of events, feelings, attractions. We do not know your BF, nor his devotion or feelinngs for you. Only what you tell us...

 

Having said that... you ARE leading the responses to your posts. You ARE only giving the information that you want to give. Which can only lead to the answer that you want to hear.......

[Trialbyfire]

All I can see is someone who's in a downward spiral of her own making. Methinks shadow needs to grow up and break out of self-centered obsessive focus.

[Lizzie60]

I read about half this thread.. and wondering...

 

I think no matter what we say.. Shadow will do what she wants.. she's extremely attracted to this scum bag.. then I say.. go for it..

 

Sometimes, unless we live our own 'bad' experiences, absolutely no 'advices' will do...

 

I think her mind is already set to see what's with this guy.. To be honest, I think the more you're into this guy, the less you love your bf.. he will end up like a 'bullet at your foot'.. leave him...

 

If it's not this guy, it will be another one.. I think you're getting tired of your bf..

[shadowplay]

Well, I finally broke up with my bf this morning (this time for good, I hope). Right now I feel awful. I had a brief pang of relief that lasted about five minutes and was quickly replaced with despair. It was really, really hard to do and still doesn't feel done. I tried to remove myself emotionally and make a rational decision. The funny thing is the breakup wasn't even spurred directly by the friend thing (though that was always looming in the background). We had a fight about something else -- deeper problems in our relationship. It's too painful for me to rehash what was said.

 

I will relate one thing he said that made me feel like our whole relationship was a sham. He said yesterday he had a disturbing thought during one of our intimate moments. He was wondering if we tell each other we love each other so much because we have nothing else to talk about. That really stung, as it invalidated even our sweetest moments.

 

I'm scared that I will cave and crawl back to him. How do I stop myself? It's especially hard when I'm not even sure that breaking up was the right thing to do. I guess it made sense on an intellectual level, but my heart wasn't in it. Part of me still wonders if he's the right guy for me and I just can't appreciate him because of my current problems. How do you let go of someone who might be really good for you?

 

I am so lonely right now.

 

Anyway, I will write down what happened with the friend, if you guys are interested.

 

Stop reading if you don't want to be thoroughly disturbed.

 

We met up on Saturday night. I decided to go to his place. Why? I tense up on formal "dates" and feel more at ease in private settings, even when that heightens the sexual tension - or perhaps because it heightens the sexual tension. I'm more comfortable making out than having a conversation with someone I don't know too well, strange as it sounds. Often it takes being physical with a guy for me to feel comfortable around him. I can't relax until I'm assured of his attraction to me. Besides which, who am I kidding. I knew I wanted to at least kiss Sean so I figured I might as well cut to the chase.

 

Usually I would have been a wreck, but I was surprisingly sedate on the train ride over to his apartment and even when I met up with him. He was petrified. I noticed his hands shake as he passed me a joint. We talked for a bit and listened to some music.Then he popped in an old French film, which I've heard makes no sense even sober, so we were both lost. Besides, I was too distracted by the sexual tension to even pay attention. We sat side by side on his bed. Our chemistry was just as hot, if not hotter, now that we were alone together.

 

It took him awhile, but finally he lunged in for a kiss. After the first one he stopped and said how weird he felt about everything and how he was doing a really "****ty" thing to my bf. He asked if I want to date him or my bf. I told him I was confused. He said he's confused too and he has no idea what to do.

 

Sean's kissing style was...surprising to say the least. I have never seen a guy so excited. He was literally hyperventilating and kept breaking out in laughter. It was pretty weird, but I also liked how he was so much more passionate than my boyfriend. His emotions were refreshingly palpable. I stopped him after we got to second base and said I didn't feel ready to go any farther. I kept telling him I had to go and he begged me to stay (though he wasn't pushy about the sex, at least). For some reason he was really intent on me staying overnight; he even offered to sleep on his couch in the other room. I told him I didn't feel comfortable with that, and he walked me back to the subway.

 

At the time it didn't feel like emotionless physicality. I didn't feel awful or used. He seemed to be getting more worked up than I was. He would stop and peer into my eyes with a pleading expression. I've never looked into eyes so dark and somber. It was like seeing a little boy staring back at me. Perhaps I'm dead wrong, but my intuition about people is usually pretty on the mark. Surprisingly I felt semi satisfied and okay with things until the day after.

 

My bf and Sean hung out together on Sunday night at Sean's request. First, my bf asked what happened, to which Sean replied "nothing." My bf responded that I had told him we kissed and that I took my shirt off. Sean was baffled that I had told my bf this. Then he said "that girl has the most phenomenal tits ever." WTF. Why would he tell my bf this? My bf said "I love that girl." Sean said "it's a complicated situation." My bf told Sean (in so many words) not to see me again. Sean said he knew what the right thing to do was, but wasn't sure he could do it.

 

BF brought up another girl Sean has been pursuing who recently broke up with her long-time boyfriend. BF asked if Sean would still want to see me if this girl agreed to date him. He said "I don't know, because Shadowplay is hotter than that other girl." WTF. Then he tried to convince my bf to break up with me because most guys "would immediately walk" in my bf's shoes. That's true, but BF suspected Sean had ulterior motives for encouraging the break-up. BF believes Sean just wants to date me and will disregard anything he has to say. He felt that Sean was sending him a "fck you" message throughout the conversation. I knew Sean was bad, but I didn't realize to what extent until I got wind of their conversation.

 

What is wrong with me that I realize Sean's a complete a-hole, yet I'm still attracted to him? I keep thinking about that look in his eyes. And the sound of his voice. And his sardonic, blunt demeanor. It's like his whole exterior design was based on a manual of my type, calculated to seduce me in the fastest time possible. No detail was left unattended. Smart, hot, moody, intense, rough around the edges, reflective, witty, stylish, dark-haired and eyed, tall. None of these traits I'm imagining. How can he be so charming and yet repulsive?

 

He reminds me a lot of Martin Sheen's character in Badlands minus the killing people thing. Maybe that will give you some inkling of his bizarre charm. I'm intrigued by the fact that he's so different from me - he's street smart and has lived a hard life - while I was sheltered by educated parents in an upper middle class existence. Yet he's also similar to me in some ways. We're both smart, intense and vulnerable with an appreciation for art and culture.

 

In an almost detached way, I'm fascinated by observing our personalities play off each other. As if I'm watching a dynamic scene unfold between two characters in a movie.

 

I know how crazy this all sounds.

 

I actually wrote the part about Sean yesterday, before I broke up with my bf. Now I feel differently. I don't think I want to see him again. I don't want to see either of them. Sean emailed me yesterday and asked if I wanted to go to a concert this weekend. I haven't responded and don't plan to.

Edited February 26, 2008 by shadowplay

[blind_otter]

 

I actually wrote the part about Sean yesterday, before I broke up with my bf. Now I feel differently. I don't think I want to see him again. I don't want to see either of them. Sean emailed me yesterday and asked if I wanted to go to a concert this weekend. I haven't responded and don't plan to.

 

I'm sorry you feel so conflicted, but IME people are seldome dead set on brekaing up with a person they've been attached to for a while. There's always ambivalence, it's hardly ever neat - even when there's outright wrong doing, like cheating or physical abuse.

 

As for Sean, I think you at least owe him a response, even if it's negative. even if he is a scumbag, which may or may not be the case, he is a human being with feelings. From what you've written I don't think it was about purely physical gratification for him.

[StrawberryLime]

I'm new here, so I haven't been following the posts for any significant amount of time, but reading through all of this it sounds like it's time for a lifestyle change, for real.

 

Like a purge of all the b/s you've been drowning yourself if. Dumping your b/f was a good call to be sure, but you should disengage yourself from the entire circle of his friends as well (as in dating his friends).

 

I hazard to say that anything else will just end up causing you more angst and pain.

 

So if you really don't want any of that, what I would do is get rid of all of the blokes in your life and take some time out until your head's back where it should be.

[shadowplay]

It's been six hours since I broke up with him and already I feel miserable and miss him terribly. Is this normal? Like everything in my gut is saying that this is the wrong choice. I love him so much. I really do. I know I need to work on myself, but I don't want to lose him forever. Would it be best if I just tried to work on myself for a few months and then took him back? God I miss him.

[spookie]

This is gonna piss you off but this is my prediction:

 

<1 weeks, you have an emotional breakdown relating to how much you miss bf.

 

<2 weeks, you are back together.

 

<4 weeks, you wonder whether he feels the same about you given what happened/ some other reason. You question whether you should just end it.

 

Somewhere in there (not sure where yet) you also hang out with the friend again. Who, judging from what you have written, is a crappy friend but I DON'T think is using you for sex. Who, IMO, is better-suited for your personality anyway, but whom I predict you will not end up with by nature of your positions in this triangle.

[Woggle]

Just leave your BF alone and let him have some peace. You will get back with him only to repeat the cycle again and again. Let him find a woman who won't cause him so much drama.

[spookie]

That said.... I really freaking hopeandpray that you have the guts to stay away from your bf, if not both of them. Personally, I think it's best that you take some time off to gain some self-esteem and the ability to make friends as opposed to lovers (I had this problem also, in high school... what you said about it being easier to make out with someone than have a conversation was 100% true) but there's a part of me that really wants to see a match-up between you and this Sean dude. Other than the comments about your hotness and your tits, which I think were made out of immaturity, nervousness, and the fcvkedupedness of the situation in general more than anything else, he sounds like he's better suited for you, honestly. He's more expressive, which seems to be important to you, and you have more chemistry and things in common.

[shadowplay]

Well, I managed to get through yesterday without crawling back to my boyfriend. I did send him one two word text message around noon: "I'm miserable." He responded with a long text about how he loved me so much and hoped that the stress of the night before was just caused by mutual sleep deprivation. He told me to expect a long email that night, but he never sent one. I think he probably crashed early because he only got about two hours the night before. I hope if he does send me an email, it doesn't sway me to take him back. I actually feel a lot better this morning; I hope that feeling of strength lasts.

[lino]

wow

no offense but this should be made into a movie.

 

I have to say your (ex)bf is handling all this in a really weird way. Either he has no balls or he is just really different to me, I suspect maybe a little of both. If I was in his position I'd have told both you & his 'best mate' to f*ck off when this whole thing came out. Sorry to sound harsh but I'm being honest.

Also Shadowplay, even though you said otherwise, I think you really do like to have at least some drama in your life, if not quite a lot. I think the reason for this is because as far as I know you don't have any friends or genuine hobbies. From what I gather from what you've written on this site all you do is go to uni, work a part-time job & spend time with your bf. Correct me if I'm wrong but that doesn't sound very exciting & it's not surprising to me that you need to get your jollies from constantly testing & bullsh*tting around with this guy. I don't know how he's stuck around for so long maybe like I said above, no balls.

 

Personally, I think it's best that you take some time off to gain some self-esteem and the ability to make friends as opposed to lovers

 

I've suggested this to you several times. If you haven't already tried to make friends, female ones, I really think you should.

Also I think you should just leave your ex alone & he should look for a new girl & best mate.

If you want to screw his friend then why not? I don't think you should have a relationship with him though just keep it as a fwb while you get some friends & interests.

[spookie]

Seriously shadow... girl friends can be amazing, if you find the right ones.

[shadowplay]

That said.... I really freaking hopeandpray that you have the guts to stay away from your bf, if not both of them. Personally, I think it's best that you take some time off to gain some self-esteem and the ability to make friends as opposed to lovers (I had this problem also, in high school... what you said about it being easier to make out with someone than have a conversation was 100% true) but there's a part of me that really wants to see a match-up between you and this Sean dude. Other than the comments about your hotness and your tits, which I think were made out of immaturity, nervousness, and the fcvkedupedness of the situation in general more than anything else, he sounds like he's better suited for you, honestly. He's more expressive, which seems to be important to you, and you have more chemistry and things in common.

 

I'm glad you can relate to that feeling. I feel like I can only entice people initially with my sexuality, not my personality. Once I've hooked a guy in physically, I have a better chance of getting him to like me as a person.

 

This is also why I rarely befriend girls, because I don't have any power over them. I know this sounds sick. It's just that I've been burned by girlfriends so many times in the past. In particular I had a group of girlfriends as a young teen who physically and verbally abused me for years. At some point, I completely lost the desire to befriend a girl ever again. I can also relate better to guys because my interests are more typically male.

 

So I hop from guy to guy, relying on each one as my only source of friendship, and leaving behind a trail of lost lovers and friends.

[spookie]

I'm glad you can relate to that feeling. I feel like I can only entice people initially with my sexuality, not my personality. Once I've hooked a guy in physically, I have a better chance of getting him to like me as a person.

 

This is also why I rarely befriend girls, because I don't have any power over them. I know this sounds sick. It's just that I've been burned by girlfriends so many times in the past. In particular I had a group of girlfriends as a young teen who physically and verbally abused me for years. At some point, I completely lost the desire to befriend a girl ever again. I can also relate better to guys because my interests are more typically male.

 

So I hop from guy to guy, relying on each one as my only source of friendship, and leaving behind a trail of lost lovers and friends.

 

Yup. That was me, 11th grade (when my family moved to a different state and I had to start "over" socially) through junior year of college. On top of everything you just said, which I can relate to 100%, with girls I always had the feeling that I was too masculine (that they wouldn't appreciate the rougher sides of my personality and my boyish interests) and that the silences had to be filled with convo, which was hard for me (with guys you can just fill them with sex).

 

Fortunately my life turned in a way that forced me to overcome this. Right now I prefer to spend a lot of time alone, and one of best friends is a guy (but a gay one... incidentally, you should look into the gay community for friends first if you're more comfy around guys), but the other is a girl; as are all my other friends/acquaintances but one. Once I started being myself around everyone, not bothering so much to think what I was saying/ how I was being perceived by others, it was easy to make friends. Not everyone likes me, but some people do, and that's all that really matters.

 

With new women I meet, I still have that nagging insecurity that they won't like me, that I have nothing to offer, but I don't let it control my interactions, I try to calm myself by being rational about it: everyone needs a friend.

[lino]

I feel like I can only entice people initially with my sexuality, not my personality. Once I've hooked a guy in physically, I have a better chance of getting him to like me as a person.

 

Do you really think guys you get to know in this way are actually friends?

 

This is also why I rarely befriend girls, because I don't have any power over them. I know this sounds sick. It's just that I've been burned by girlfriends so many times in the past. In particular I had a group of girlfriends as a young teen who physically and verbally abused me for years. At some point, I completely lost the desire to befriend a girl ever again. I can also relate better to guys because my interests are more typically male.

 

So I hop from guy to guy, relying on each one as my only source of friendship, and leaving behind a trail of lost lovers and friends.

 

wanting power over someone is not wanting a friend. If your idea of a friendship is having power over the people you're supposedly friends with then it's no wonder you've been burned by former girlfriends. Who wants a friend like that?

[spookie]

Do you really think guys you get to know in this way are actually friends?

 

 

 

wanting power over someone is not wanting a friend. If your idea of a friendship is having power over the people you're supposedly friends with then it's no wonder you've been burned by former girlfriends. Who wants a friend like that?

 

I don't think she meant that in quite such a psycho way. She was probably referring to the fact that with guys, you are excused for being boring/ a lot of other things just for being attractive. Since male-female interaction is fuled by emotion, not rationality, there's some power to knowing that the other person is drawn to you despite, possibility, their best judgement.

[spookie]

Shadow, I also wanted to add... I have been pleasantly surprised in my female relationships. My friends are funny, smart, interesting, and very entertaning. They do not expect me to act in any predetermined way, nor to fill the silences with small-talk, like I always feared. They accept me just like a guy I've just finished sex with would, only I know it's cause they like me for my personality, not cause their judgment is clouded by hormones.

[shadowplay]

I don't think she meant that in quite such a psycho way. She was probably referring to the fact that with guys, you are excused for being boring/ a lot of other things just for being attractive. Since male-female interaction is fuled by emotion, not rationality, there's some power to knowing that the other person is drawn to you despite, possibility, their best judgement.

 

Right. I meant that with a guy you don't always have to worry about him ditching you out of the blue because you can rely on his physical attraction to you (to some degree).

Edited February 27, 2008 by shadowplay

[dropdeadlegs]

Young teenage girls can be ruthless, that's for sure. So many cliques with rarely an outsider let in. It screams of insecurity.

 

That said, I cannot imagine you not being engaging to many women. You're smart, articulate, have deep thoughts and emotions, etc. Negating half the population as possible friends because they don't see you in a sexual manner is limiting your own growth and experiences. Maybe it feeds on your insecurities as well. Relying on beauty and sexual attraction is pigeon-holing yourself. I really think you are selling yourself short.

 

Take small steps to change this aspect of your social circle. There are ample opportunities to befriend people in college. Join a club or group of some kind. You write well, does creative writing interest you at all? If you prefer facts, what about a journalism class?

 

Seriously, make every attempt to become more well rounded. Discover ways of challenging yourself and finding personal satisfaction in ways that don't have anything to do with the art of seduction or making people like you. When life revolves around a singular person, becoming miserable with the loss of that person is so much harder to overcome.

 

What are these male dominated interests you speak of? Maybe this forum can give you some ideas of how to work with your interests in order to broaden your horizons.

[serial muse]

Shadow, I've also been reading your thread, but haven't posted before. I just wanted to say that I hope you will hold firm and not try to restart your relationship with your ex. I know it's not easy to make a clean break, but it sounds an awful lot to me like your relationship with the other guy was a kind of "exit affair" for you - basically, designed to give you a firmer sense of what else might be out there, even if you don't particularly want that guy. (Which I hope you don't - he sounds like an ass. He talked about your body to your bf?? What sort of friend, let alone someone you'd date, would do such a thing? It's cold, callous and cruel. And that doesn't mean you should just date him to punish yourself, either; somehow I suspect you might talk yourself into it that way.)

 

I think you wanted out of the relationship but have had trouble leaving that support network behind. You tested the waters with someone else - possibly both to see whether he'd be a good substitute support network for you (NO) and also to figure out whether you really did want to break up and see who else is out there (YES).

 

I'm sure your ex will be pretty hurt by this, and that will make it hard for you to stick to your guns. But in the long run, that's best both for him and for you. You wanted out; you weren't right for each other and now he'll have the chance to understand that, too, and find someone who might return his devotion. I don't mean to be harsh, but he deserves much better than someone cheating on him, which is what you did (whether you told him about it or not, whether he "agreed" to it or not - he knew he didn't really have a choice and wasn't prepared to break up with you). We all deserve better than that, and as good a writer as you may be about what happened, that doesn't make the actual situation literary, only painful. You did the right thing by ending the relationship - now let him go for good, and both of you can move on and see who else is out there for you. And that won't be someone who flaunts his "triumph" in the face of his friend. Yuck.

Edited February 27, 2008 by serial muse