Hard to move on even knowing I did the right thing

[Kyleila]

Hi everyone,

 

I dated a co-worker (oy) of mine back in November and that lasted for 3 weeks. We ended things because we both have issues to deal with. He is still hung up on his ex, who is out of state currently. They have been dating for 4 years on and off (each broke up with the other twice during the time... so about 4 break ups during the 4 years). He told me that the last break up was a year ago. He broke up with her over the phone, said it was because they're not compatible.

 

He wanted to explore. He even told his ex that when she came back for New Year's break in January (I think she also wants him back). He is a pretty selfish kinda guy, always asking me for rides after work and he shows up to my apartment whenever he feels like it. He told me we have a lot of potential in sex (I've never slept with him) and that's why he wants to continue this thing.

 

We didn't have a clean break... I got attached to him because we stayed in contact. (sooo hard to do NC when I work with him all the time). I ended up having a talk with him 2 weeks ago saying that I can't do this anymore. He was upset about it for a bit. and said stuff like "why can't you be patient and wait and see how things will turn out?" and "I wish I can be a polygamist so I can have all the girls in my life at once" and " I wonder how some guys pull off being married and having a lover on the side"

 

He doesn't respect me. He told me that whenever we fooled around it was because he was bored and he needed something to do. Then he fed me lines like " I gave you a piece of my heart, and that's the truth" I ended up telling him that if he really wants to work things out with his ex, he really should give her his WHOLE heart. (There're other girls currently involved in his life as well). He gets mad when I hang out with my ex, and says that "I'd rather you hang out with me, because at least with me you would hurt less". (keep in mind, he said I'll "hurt less", not "won't hurt at all") He was possessive of me even though he doesn't want to commit to me... and at the end of our talk he said that "Maybe I'll let you go". Like I'm some kind of object that he owns.

 

Our mutual friends at work are telling me that they don't know what I saw in him, because they all think that he's a selfish person who doesn't know how to respect a girl. They also told me that he has been pining for his ex for 3 years now (since she moved away) and he has a lot of issues, and I definitely should stay away from him.

 

Nowadays at work, he has reverted into the jerk that he really is...when we work on a project together, he'd tell me "I need you to do this and this" and I'd say "you don't 'need' me to do this, you're 'asking' me to" and he said "No, I NEED you to do this so we can get this task done on my schedule". Later on he said "well okay, I guess I should say thank you for your help because I can't do this without you. I guess that's what I should say".

 

He gave me the same speech when he wanted to work on a pet cage building project at my place. "I need you to build this part." and I said "you're here to help me out, not the other way around", and he said "no, this is MY project". I told him he's being selfish, and he just started laughing like it was funny.

 

and today at work I caught him chitchatting with someone, and he said something along the lines of "It's how I show my appreciation, I take things for granted"

 

I don't know if he was trying to be funny, but the person he was talking to was a bit like "wtf".

 

So I KNOW I did the right thing ending things completely with this guy. but why is it so hard to feel completely okay? = ( I always feel like talking to him, or wanting to at least be friends with this guy.... I'm 24 (he's 27.. even though he may be acting like a 14 year old) and I've only had 1 bf in my entire life (1.5 years). People are surprised because they say that I seem like someone who would have lots of guys pining for me.. but I never feel that way (... my own insecurities...) I guess I am too inexperienced to know how to get over a break up without binging on junk food and crying my eyes out .. (did that for half a year to get over my ex) It's silly considering my co-worker is such a jerk and I don't deserve to be treated that way at all.

 

anyway, his ex will come back in town indefinitely next month (March). I don't know why she wants him back but that's none of my business. I'd like to know of ways I can keep away from these not-so-nice guys... they all seem like nice guys at the beginning.. but then their true colors show......

 

I've never experienced true love, and sometimes I worry about whether I will ever find that person who will love me as much as I love him. I know I am still young, but my friends and people around me are all mostly married (to their first bfs too) and having children.. and I feel left out.. and feeling like I'm missing out on a lot by being a late bloomer in the dating scene = (

 

I know I'm just being silly. Thank you all for reading this extremely long post, and I appreciate any words of wisdom you may offer.

 

Best,

 

Katie

[Kyleila]

Aahhh

 

Today I went to a party with a bunch of engaged/married couples.. and I was the only single person there... made me feel extremely sad and lonely. I hate how much pull this guy has on me.. even though we weren't even officially together.

 

Does anyone else feel this way too? I feel like I'm such a loser for being so weak when it comes to guys = (

[jerbear]

Does anyone else feel this way too? I feel like I'm such a loser for being so weak when it comes to guys = (

 

Right now just go out with single friends and party with them.

 

It does get lonely looking at attached couples when you're the only single person.

[Kyleila]

Yeah...

 

too bad most of my friends are not single, and the ones who are single moved out of town already.

 

I have been feeling pretty crappy lately about myself. I have really low self-esteem, and this whole thing just made me feel worse (I always feel like.. why did I get involved with a guy like this in the first place??? It's my fault for making stupid mistakes) and then I feel very unwanted and ugly and all that stuff (but I guess that's normal after breaking away from someone I cared about...)

 

I think I'm just sick of feeling down, but I'm not really sure what to do about it. I've been trying to get back into my hobbies, going out with some friends, parties, etc.. but nothing seems to work...