GF says she needs space, after a year of dating

[devistation14]

So I've been dating this girl for about a year now. When we first started dating we were both in high school, and now I'm in college and she's still in high school. The first week of our relationship lasted about 5 days before she ended it. She said she was to scared of being hurt again and I told her I wasn't going to do that to her. We completely ended contact and didn't talk for about a week. I texted her one night after getting hurt at a baseball game [line drive to the face] in which she didn't know about. I told her I missed you and suprisingly enough she said the same back. We talked the next day, maybe even that night I can't really recall, and her and the guy she was "dating" after we broke up to run from her feelings for me broke up. She told me she wanted to be with me but take it slow, so we did this. We talked for about a month and then she let me know she was ready.

 

So we started dating, We've dated now for almost a year and it would have been 1 year on V-Day since we met. We've had some arguments like most relationships will, none really serious to the point of screaming or yelling at each other. Just basic mutual disagreements. We almost broke up about 3-4 months before this and she was at my house and I broke down talking to her about it. I had big plans that night to do something she had been dieing to do. She kept mentioning it over and over and I acted like I knew about it but wasn't going to do it. She had been dieing to go see a movie so I was going to do this for her, along with take her to her favorite mexican resturant. So I did both of these things and she told me she's really glad she didn't end this and that she's glad I listened to her. This continued for about 2-3 days then she felt like I went back to the "old" me.

 

Over time a lot has changed in our relationship. She's getting older and so am I. Our feelings for each other are still strong and she's wore a "promise" ring for about 8 months now. We've talked a lot about long term and getting married, what our wedding is going to be like, naming our kids, our house and all that stuff.

 

Sunday, (2-10), She tells me she doesn't think she can do this right now, she just needs space. I'm totally devistated by this so being typical I call her try to talk to her and everything. Everytime we talked on the phone sunday, she still would tell me she loved me and it was still routine.

 

So I went to see her Monday night, after practice to "suprise" her.. She had plans [she lives about 30 min's away]. I didn't tell her I was coming and was more less going to buy her flowers, take her to dinner and hopefully get things worked back out. She ends up going to do her plans while I'm sitting in her home town waiting for her to get done because she said we could talk after she's done. [she went to a Christian type thing at her school]. We talked, and both shared our tears. She told me she was still going to wear her promise ring, just on her right hand now instead of the left. She told me she still cared about me and that she loved me and promised me she wasn't looking for anyone else or wanted anyone else. We even kissed a few times and did our usual when I left her house, the long goodbye, and the many i love you's. She even walked me to my car [which she hasn't been doing lately]

 

Tuesday night I called and texted just trying to get a little more info out of her about what I needed to do and stuff. The same thing continued, she acted more like she cared for me though than she did on Monday when she was with friends.

 

Wednesday night she told me again she just wanted her space and felt like I was smothering her. I had planned on giving her the gifts I made her for valentines day because she said she didn't want me to buy her anything, just make her something so it's special to her. So after finally getting her to see me for 20 minutes roughly to exchange gifts, I met her [i drove almost an hour round trip to see her for 20 minutes.] She had wrote me a poem along with on a piece of paper wrote I love you some hundreds of times with a big I LOVE YOU across it all in a red pen. I had always bought her stuffed animals and stuff to sleep with and had always joked about wanting her to get me one. She did. After saying goodbye and telling each other we love each other while looking into each others eyes saying it, we departed. She had to get home to fix dinner and such. I got home and saw she was on AIM and tried to be cute and funny with her rather than be all emotional and trying to win her back over. I was going to give her space but yet try to be a "friend". She went to eat dinner and everything seemed fine. She came back and said this doesn't feel right. I can't do this, and I asked what. All she could say is "this". So I called her about 10 minutes later and talked about all this, She said she needed her space and just wanted to give it time. So I went to watch the Duke game with nc, and after being erased basically from all her stuff [myspace, aim profile etc] She still had pictures of us up, just nothing cute like before. So I went to look at her myspace and I had been moved from the 1st friend, to the 4th. I had been talking to this girl, which is gay, alot. She was an old high school friend and always gave me great advice. So I moved her up on my top friends, leaving my girlfriend still my #1 friend. So I came back to my computer after watching the Duke game and had a message from her on AIM basically saying, "I guess you have made up your mind". "I guess you have moved on" and all this stuff. So I called her to explain the whole deal and she didn't answer. 5 minutes later, she IM'd me and said will you please answer your phone. So she called and I let my grandma answer, I didn't really want to talk to her at this point. So I eventually picked up the phone and she was in tears, practically bawling her eyes out. So I told her even if she pushes me out of her life, she's still my #1. I poured my feelings out to her once again. The past 2 nights she hadn't seem to care really and on this night, she told me she loved me and all this stuff. So another night of playing with my feelings basically, seeming like she cares.

 

Thursday - So on Valentines day, I texted her wishing her a happy V-Day and only send around 3 texts maybe. No contact from her again. After practice I checked my phone, still nothing from her. I sent her a text saying, I'm out a practice like usual. She had a basketball game with a local team. So I figured I'd call a buddy and we'd go watch it. I showed up, she didn't know I was there. At half time of the girls game I stopped her going out the door and was like will you talk to me. So she agreed to talk but was kinda "rushing" everything. I asked why she was being so different when she's around people and why she lets them influence how she treats me. She said I don't. I just need space and I feel like your not giving it to me. She's like I feel like you came here to watch me and spy on me. I tried to tell her me and my buddy had made plans to come watch that game since about 2 weeks ago due to a player from her school scored almost 40 points on them last time and had 6-7 dunks. Prior to the boys game starting I saw her hug some guy. It was a quick one armed friendly hug though. I texted her and asked her what that was all about, and if she had found someone else. She played like she didn't know what I was talking about. So I got her outside to talk to her before the game started and she basically told me that it was a friend who she hadn't saw in a long long time. I grew okay with this the more I thought about it. During my process of texting her she kept showing all her "cheerleading" friends my messages. I watched her pass her phone around outside in the lobby area to her "3" other buddies. I asked her why she lets everyone read our stuff and give input on it. She then stated "I was letting them read another message, not one of yours" Typically figuring this is a guy texting her and trying to be cute or funny with her I presume to ask, So who texted you then ? Usually, she would tell me... But she was like no one, and I don't have to tell you. I said okay.. After the game I was trying to talk to her and she didn't seem to want to talk to me. I waited about a solid 5 minutes and she wouldn't come talk to me. So I walked towards her. I asked her why she acts so different around people and yet when it's just me and her she's a totally different person. She then starts walking back away from me telling me to just leave and drawing a lot of attention. She was practically yelling this in the gym and a lot of people were looking. My friend went over and talked to her and such. So I did as she asked, I left.

I got out in the parking lot and saw the guy she had hugged. He was parked right beside my car, so I went up to him and asked him if he and her had something going on. He was like you're her boyfriend aren't you? I was like used to be. He said oh, nah man...We're just friends and I haven't saw her in forever. The hug meant nothing so don't worry about it.

As I dropped my buddy off at his car, I told him to try to talk to her and see how her feelings were. I didn't text, nor call her. He called me about the time I got home and told me he had talked to her. I asked, "What did she say?". Well, the good news is, she still cares about you, she still does love you. She just wants her space right now. She said after seeing you that way tonight she doesn't know if she can be with you again, but there's always a chance. She does want her space and does want things to work out it's just, you're not giving her what she wants.

 

So I had him 3 way her for me to apologize for my actions and she had told him to wish me goodluck this weekend at my tournament and stuff out of town. I told her I was sorry for what I had done, and didn't mean for it to come out like it did at the game. I thanked her for wishing me goodluck and stuff and told her I hope to hear from her soon.

 

It's now Friday morning, and I've not tried to make any contact with her. I've not texted, IM'd, Called, or even put up an away message relating to her.

 

 

Any advice on what the outcome of this could be, or what I could do?

 

I don't really want to hear, "Just move on", That's the typical response to everything and those who don't really "care" for someone.

So if anyone has any good advice, please let me know. Thank you!

[prisonbreak]

1st of all, I'm so sorry you are going thru this. It sucks! I'm a girl, who has asked for space before. All i can say is, Give her space. The more you go around or call, the more it confirms in her head, that she is doing the right thing. It will only push her away more. Stop all contact. Don't initiate contact. Don't over think it, just do it.

 

I'm not going to tell you to "Just move on", but I want to correct you on something. "Moving on" isn't a typical response to everything and is said when by those who don't really "care" for someone. I really love and miss my ex. I really really do care for him, but I have to move on, for my sanity. So, go about your business, live your life and give her the space she is asking for. Hopefully in time she will miss you and what you had together and she'll come back around.

 

I hope this helped, I'm sorry if this came across harsh. I really do sympathize with you, cause breaking up is hard.

[twice_shy]

Wednesday night she told me again she just wanted her space and felt like I was smothering her.

 

So give her that space, leave her alone, and forget about her.

 

then when she decides its convenient for her, just tell her you wouldn't want to smother her and you don't think its a good idea.

[Miyamoto]

You don't wanna hear "move on..." ok then cover your ears

 

MOVE ON. SHE'S PLAYING YOU.

 

How dare you disrespect yourself when she's PASSING AROUND YOUR EMOTIONAL, HEARTFELT TEXTS to random ppl...

 

HUGGING GUYS IN FRONT OF YOU...

 

She doesn't respect you. Hell, you're disrespecting yourself.

 

MOVE ON MOVE ON MOVE ON

 

Give her her space before I give you a wedgie for being a poindexter

[dfreeman]

It's now Friday morning, and I've not tried to make any contact with her. I've not texted, IM'd, Called, or even put up an away message relating to her.

 

What's it been, about 46 awake minutes?

 

Dude, you are the opposite of NC...

 

Move on dot org man!

[norajane]

Any advice on what the outcome of this could be, or what I could do?

If you continue what you're doing, the outcome will 100% be that she breaks up with you for good. You ARE pressuring her and smothering her. You are following her around - surprising her with visits, showing up at the game without letting her know beforehand - and it's not hard to see why she's freaking out at your behavior.

 

Having said that, the prognosis wasn't good to begin with. She's a senior in high school, a cheerleader, and you are in college...you are not in her sphere of life anymore, you're not around every day anymore. She moved your promise ring to her other hand, which is a death knell for this relationship...she doesn't think of you the same way she used to.

 

All you can do is give her the space she asked for...cut off contact, stop dropping in on her, stop calling and texting endlessly. It's possible she'll give it some thought and want to get back together. But you should consider it that she broke up with you, because that's usually the next step after a girl asks for space. She just has been too timid to take that step...she sorta wants to keep you on the back burner.

 

But, she's not going to marry you, and you are in college. You should be able to find someone who has more in common with you at school, someone who is very happy to be with you, rather than someone who is pushing you away.