saddad1 Posted February 15, 2008 Posted February 15, 2008 Im new on the forums here but have posted a bit in the "Coping" threads. I was dumped n she was the love of my life. There are a number of issues but I wanted to post here specifically in relation to reconciliation; ie becoming friends with an ex, when there are kids involved. My ex still wants us to do "family" things together, going to beach, taking kids to Halloween fair etc etc, being together on kids birthdays, xmas etc. I did do some "family" days for around 9 months after our breakup and I let her know that I was doing it because I missed her and the kids and still loved her and wanted us to be a "proper" family. Xmas was the last of these days. She wasn't interested in us getting back together and I decided that I had to stop chasing her and that it was over for good. Since this decision i feel a lot of bitterness towards her and pretty much don't ever want to see her again. However, she still wants me to be with her and the kids for a birthday day out which is next month. I just dont feel like trying to be her friend - I can't after the pain she has caused me. How can I let go off this bitterness? Is it a good idea for me to be doing these "family" days? Would love to hear from anyone who has successful/unsuccessful in reconciling with their kids mum/dad after being dumped.
Tripper Posted February 15, 2008 Posted February 15, 2008 Sorry for your pain, SD. It's a tough situation. You don't say how long you've been apart but perhaps in time you can get to a place where you can be amicable towards each other. I know it took me 2 years post break up to get rid of the anger towards my exW. I assume that you love your kids and want to see them. I don't know your custody/access situation but I think you need to focus on your kids. Considering the situation, there is no way you can simply put on a happy face and do the "family thing". Your ex is living in a fantasy world if she thinks so. If she insists on "family outings" all you can do is either say accept or decline and if you accept be civil and enjoy the time with the kids. Perhaps you can do outings with just your children. Also, why not tell your wife how you feel about her "family day" idea? Let her know she caused you grief and pain and that "family" outings are just painful and hypocritical. Most of all take care of yourself...
Author saddad1 Posted February 15, 2008 Author Posted February 15, 2008 I see my kids when I can. Every weekend. I take the kids out and have fun with them by myself. My ex sees my refusal to have family days as me wanting "all or nothing" which is apparantly "immature". I think she uses me for a lift tbh because she or none of her immediate family drive and I have a car. Shes probably just annoyed that I get to have fun days with the kids taking them places and its just not practical for her to do so - theres 3 of them all under 6 and its a struggle as it is even taking them to a park with only 1 parent to look after them at any one time. It feels like she wants to have her cake and eat it. She doesnt want a relatioship with me but still wants me around at times when it suits her. Im seething at this point so Ill stop b4 I start ranting.
Tripper Posted February 15, 2008 Posted February 15, 2008 (edited) It feels like she wants to have her cake and eat it. She doesnt want a relatioship with me but still wants me around at times when it suits her. Im seething at this point so Ill stop b4 I start ranting. It's ok to rant. You need to get the anger out. You do have your hands full with 3 kids that young, so I understand the difficulty. I think your explanation of her being a "cake eater" is pretty accurate. However I don't think you are being immature at all. You are hurt and angry; she refuses to see that. Why would you put yourself in a position of further pain?? I read the posts in your other thread; it sounds like you are in a really bad space right now. Can you get some therapy?? I spent 2 years in therapy post break up after a 23 marriage and have now found a better space and balance in life. Edited February 15, 2008 by Tripper
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