Tomcat33 Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 (edited) NPD is just another cliche pop psych term that was created by selfserving, capitalists in the last 20 decades (if that) to describe anyone who is on the brink of a personality disorder but nowhere near close enough to be labled "unstable or crazy". SO in other words EVERYONE who adheres to our modern way of life IN THE WESTERN WORLD pretty much falls under the descriptor of NPD. IT's just another way to put food on the tables of the families of psychiatrists. I love how it gets thrown around ad nauseam in almost every conversation on these board as if diagnosing a true illness when it's just a person who is being selfsish, selfscentred, selfrighteous (you pick the adjective). EVERYONE in the throes of an A is going to be feeling ALL of those things. An A is about the SELF and nothing else. SO of course he is going to be acting "narcissitc", does he have a dissorder? NO! It's par for the course, he is in lust with his mistress and must hide it from his W and kids OF COURSE he is going be acting nutty, who wouldn't under those cirumstances. It is a selfinflicted craziness so stop trying to label it with something that does not exist. Why don't we stop trying to lable people's selfish choices with some riduculous scapegoat disease name created by and for the very same people that believe in the ME and only the ME, and just see if for what it is: It's a man who wants to keep his family life intact, and have a young exciting thing on the side to make the boring parts of his married life bearable. Nothing more nothing less. It's not "NPD", it's mearly a selfish man's dream come true. And he will milk it for as long as he can get away with it, everyone does. It's the nature of acting FOR THE SELF. Edited February 20, 2008 by Tomcat33
bentnotbroken Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 NPD is just another cliche pop psych term that was created by selfserving, capitalists in the last 20 decades (if that) to describe anyone who is on the brink of a personality disorder but nowhere near close enough to be labled "unstable or crazy". SO in other words EVERYONE who adheres to our modern way of life IN THE WESTERN WORLD pretty much falls under the descriptor of NPD. I love how it gets thrown around ad nauseam in almost every conversation on these board as if diagnosing a true illness when it's just a person who is being selfsish, selfscentred, selfrighteous (you pick the adjective). EVERYONE in the throes of an A is going to be feeling ALL of those things. An A is about the SELF and nothing else. SO of course he is going to be acting "narcissitc", does he have a dissorder? NO! It's par for the course, he is in lust with his mistress and must hide it from his W and kids OF COURSE he is going be acting nutty, who wouldn't under those cirumstances. It is a selfinflicted craziness so stop trying to label it with something that does not exist. Why don't we stop trying to lable people's selfish choices with some riduculous scapegoat disease name created by and for the very same people that believe in the ME and only the ME, and just see if for what it is: It's a man who wants to keep his family life intact, and have a young exciting thing on the side to make the boring parts of his married life bearable. Nothing more nothing less. It's not "NPD", it's mearly a selfish man's dream come true. And he will milk it for as long as he can get away with it, everyone does. It's the nature of acting FOR THE SELF. :laugh:I guess I'm one of those soon to be pop psych people.
Owl Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 TC, you crack me up! "selfserving, capitalists"!! :D It doesn't matter whether you like the label or not...you can call it "BOB" if you like. It doesn't change what's there...it doesn't change what it describes. It doesn't change the fact that its how he is acting...nor does it change the fact that the way he is acting hurts those around him...ESPECIALLY those that love him. Having a label merely is a way to help him recognize what he's doing, realize that he's NOT UNIQUE (nor is his situation), and hopefully help him make the changes in his behavior and attitudes (with help) to let him stop hurting the people around him. I'm sorry if the use of a name offended you...but it is what it is.
carhill Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 EVERYONE in the throes of an A is going to be feeling ALL of those things. An A is about the SELF and nothing else. SO of course he is going to be acting "narcissitc", does he have a dissorder? NO! It's par for the course, he is in lust with his mistress and must hide it from his W and kids OF COURSE he is going be acting nutty, who wouldn't under those cirumstances. It is a selfinflicted craziness so stop trying to label it with something that does not exist. Is that a global statement or do you apply specificity? Do you understand that our emotions are electro-chemical and, just like with physical issues and diseases, things can go wrong with our brains, either organically, or through certain types of stimulation? Please explain the difference between NPD and AD/VAD/LBD and a host of institutionally recognized organic brain disorders. In our case, they won't even be sure what of the latter 3 diseases my mom has until they autopsy her brain after she's dead. Does that obviate the disease process and nullify its validity? In my opinion, naming a disorder/disease process and articulating its parameters is the first step in moving towards an understanding and a treatment. If the OP is relating his experiences accurately, it appears the OP feels out of control. I know that feeling. It's what got me into therapy, and I've never been to a doctor for anything other than a routine physical every 10 years. I knew something was wrong. If the OP can get help, maybe everyone involved can be saved from painful consequences. That's my wish to him. He has to want to do it. Hope he does.
Tomcat33 Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 (edited) In my opinion, naming a disorder/disease process and articulating its parameters is the first step in moving towards an understanding and a treatment. If the OP is relating his experiences accurately, it appears the OP feels out of control. I know that feeling. It's what got me into therapy, and I've never been to a doctor for anything other than a routine physical every 10 years. I knew something was wrong. Or the first step towards creating another fad scare scenario? Yeah yeah yeah I am all for finding cures for deseases, REAL ones that is..... labelling and trying to find NEW personality dissorders also funds the drug companies. It's all part of the "big feed". Do you know how many children are WRONGFULLY prescribed Ritilin in the USA per year? Also look up what the drug has done in the stock market. The FDA approves hundreds of new antidepressants a year, also look up all the drugs sold online that are not FDA regulated/approved used to mask these deseases, I say mask because they DO NOT CURE. See how they do in the stock market AND see how many antidepressants are being prescribed/released per year. There are studies that show that antidepressants have 18% success rate over placebos for the AVERAGE person diagnosed with depression. It's all modern mood dissorders being prescribed with modern pills. What a crock of utter crap! Oh please let's come off it already, NPD, ADD, APD HPD is a fancy name for describing "you can't handle life, you are so bored with your BOURGEOIS lifestyle you need something to blame for having it all and not knowing how to appreciate it"! Go to India, Somalia, or El Salvador and see how many NPD's and HPDs you find!! They are scare names given to 1st world people going through situational experiences. Granted there are people with REAL dissorders and mental disseases NPD is NOT a dissease it is a fad. It is a money grabbing pop psych trendy term that quite frankly is as passe as the term "cake eater". :laugh: Actually I think they are in fact synonyms. So go ahead and label this guy with Narcissitic Personality Dissorder, guess what? If he cuts the A out and tries to grow up and he focuses on the COMMITMENT he promised to make to his W an children when he decided to go through with the marriage, watch the NPD dissapear and watch his "dissorder" turn into a DEPRESSION. Then we can all diagnose him with with manic D or bi-polar depression. Edited February 20, 2008 by Tomcat33
carhill Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 Whoa...I wasn't talking about drugging up here, merely understanding the process. I'm personally a minimalist when it comes to brain meds and scrutinized the anti-psychotics used in my mother's care very carefully. Interestingly, our psychologist has poo-poo'd a number of obvious "disorders", like depression for example, and has sought feedback as to how we viewed the therapy process and its frequency/type; not typical behavior for a "profiteer". I believe research and understanding is important and quick fixes are short-sighted. So, for what little difference it makes, the drug companies and I are at odds Of course, the only thing that matters here for the principals is what the OP believes. Everything else is just interesting debate
Tomcat33 Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 Hey Carhill I know I quoted your comment but it was more a general comment to those saying IM has NPD, I was commenting on my take on NPD. Sorry if it looked like I was zeroing you out, I did not mean to. The drug thing was introduced to help people understand why I stand by the idea that these "fabricated personality dissorders" are not independant of the whole drug world. Conicidence? I think not.
Tomcat33 Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 You have to admit, for a guy to behave this way, he's definitely "disordered." lol But do they make a drug to cure selfishness? I doubt it. yep, it's called give something back to humanity and find your sprituality. I don't mean religion (unless that is by choice what one wants) I mean finding sprituality and getting in touch with the self. THAT is the ONLY drug that cures selfishness, or "NPD" as some like to call it. The rest is all fancy terminology for a decayed and very lost society.
Tomcat33 Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 woops I meant to correct this earlier: NPD is just another cliche pop psych term that was created by selfserving, capitalists in the last 2 decades (if that) to describe anyone who is on the brink of a personality disorder but nowhere near close enough to be labled "unstable or crazy". not "20"
bentnotbroken Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 ...with a degree on your wall that you got out of a Crackerjack box? A box of crackerjacks never caused this much.
carhill Posted February 20, 2008 Posted February 20, 2008 Hey Carhill I know I quoted your comment but it was more a general comment to those saying IM has NPD, I was commenting on my take on NPD. Sorry if it looked like I was zeroing you out, I did not mean to No worries; I deal with a psychotic dementia patient who gave birth to me. This stuff is a walk in the park I think it's great that the OP has read so many perspectives. I've learned a lot here myself. It'll be interesting to read the perspective of the next post by the OP.
Tomcat33 Posted February 21, 2008 Posted February 21, 2008 No worries; I deal with a psychotic dementia patient who gave birth to me. This stuff is a walk in the park . Oh, I am sorry to hear that. Now THAT'S a very real mental dissease and one that has little to no cure unfortunately.. I commend you on your strength in dealing with that. As per myself I am not quite that bad yet, I think!??! "I think" being the operative words of course. :laugh:
carhill Posted February 21, 2008 Posted February 21, 2008 Thanks for that. She's now in skilled nursing (her physical needs are now beyond my capacity) but I cared for her, with help, for about 4 years. When the mother you respect and love talks to people who aren't there and fondles you when you try to clean her up after an "accident", it gives you a new perspective. I operate a dementia/AD forum to help others in a similar situation. That's how and why I was able to jump right in here. Lotsa experience Sorry to say the experience has taken its toll on my marriage. Hence therapy and my appearance here. I've learned a lot already. Thanks for that
White Flower Posted February 21, 2008 Posted February 21, 2008 WF I think you answered your own question! Men do have a sense of honor about their W's, in spite of the way they treat them and the OW... as much as we deplore this treatment, and label them as selfish. I think it's much more complicated than just being selfish. I suppose I could have phrased the question a little differently. I know why I'm perplexed in my own A, but wonder if IM is far along enough in his to understand the difference between the value of security and the value of love and where he falls on the spectrum. Sometimes I relate my own story for a more honest response. Not that I want him to be honest with me, but with himself. And you're right, MM tend to honor their Ws despite the cheating; even perhaps because of the cheating.
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