To all MM's how do you feel when not with OW?

[IM5150]

And that thing with making him wait outside the apt, in the cold... It sounds like she is deliberately playing into his fantasies, getting him hooked, reeling himin, tempting him and then shutting him out... I say she is one smart cookie!!

 

She was obviously very upset about our argument that had just happened. She was inside crying. She had asked me to just go home. She didn't feel comfortable seeing me again at the moment. It's just her way of dealing with it whether I agree or not.

[IM5150]

Hum.. I didn't get an answer yet...

 

If she makes that much money, how come she can't afford an apartment of her own... (makes him wait outside in the cold because she has to share a room... ) That doesn't make much sense to me..

 

OK, I'll try and explain without going into much detail. Her best friend (let's call her Claire) moved here from another state. Claire moved in with her boss from a restaurant where she worked. Problem is, her boss lives in a 1 bedroom apt. Claire slept on a futon in the living room. Claire and OW became friends back in their state and when OW realized Claire had moved down here she wanted to come too. Boss was giving Claire a break on the apt since she didn't have a room of her own rent was really cheap, almost nothing but one stipulation, no guys allowed in and out of the house. Boss is very protective of his stuff and doesn't want people he doesn't know in his house. This is understanding. OW asks Claire if she can moce with her. Claire says yes, come stay with me for a while at bosses place for now. OW packs her stuff and moves. Now it's Claire and OW sleeping on a futon in the living room. Claire introduces OW to what she does to make money (bikini Bar). OW at first doesn't want to do it. She was looking for bartending work. I remember her going on a couple of interviews. After getting a bit frustrated she decided to try it out. Till this day she doesn't like doing it but admits the money is good and now it's hard to leave, plus she doesn't know what she'd do if she left it.

 

So Claire meets guy and moves out. OW still in the apt. The apt. is very near a trendy area with lots of shops and everything that OW needs within walking distance. (She doesn't drive yet). OW became very comfortable with her surroundings and didn't mind living in apt since the boss would be gone during the day and she'd be gone at night they never ran into each other. Now that OW has been there several months she's realized that she's ready for her own room. It frustrates her that she can't invite me into her place when I go to pick her up due to original request of boss before she even moved in there.

[Lizzie60]

Bon... thank you..

now I understand..

[White Flower]

I'm in my mid 30's, OW is in her mid 20'S. Although I have a void in my marriage I never considered the thought of leaving when I didn't have OW. OW has made me realize what I am missing.

 

I think it's easier for a woman to find a man, especially if your attractive so maybe women don't sweat it too much but as for me, I'm not so sure I would find someone if I had to do it all over again.

 

I totally understand the part about something missing.

 

The point I'm making is that men need to go straight from the fire right into the frying pan. Women tend to cool down, breath, figure out their life and do it all alone while men go from one R to the next without blinking it seems.

 

And for what it's worth, you could have described my feelings and thoughts as you described your OW's to us from last night. It weighed heavy on my heart as well. I did not want to be responsible for breaking up a M or hurting the W.

 

It would be so much better if you could leave your W now and just tell her that something is missing but that you didn't want to cheat on her. In the end, everyone will respect you more especially yourself.

[Gwyneth]

IM5150, it sounds like you are maybe a little obsessed with your OW, and maybe even an admirerer, and worship her. I only got to page three of this thread and just by the things you say, I can tell you may feel these ways about her.

 

On the otherhand, you seem to jump around with what your affair represents, which is why I feel some of the posters are "attacking" you. I think you're giving out too much information and that's when the judgements come in, and then that's when you begin to become defensive.

 

Your feelings for the OW remind me of how the MM I was with feels about me. Although I hope he isn't thinking about me when having sex with his wife--that's just downright yucky.

 

MM and I also waited a very long time before we had sex, and then BOOM, I"m pregnant. We waited about six months--and it was a Very long six months. I tried very hard to refrain from having sex with him and deep in my mind feared I would end up pregnant, and here I am, over a month pregnant with the MM's baby.

 

I'm not here to lecture you, but I am here to tell you that you are not the only one who feels this way about the person they're in an affair with. So don't feel lonely. I just think you have come to being obsessed with this woman and your mind is racing and you're having thoughts that probably aren't very good for you to have (like if she's with another man). Then you said that you told her "it's okay" if she dates another man--like she needs your permission. I was a bit turned off by that and if the MM I was with EVER said that to me, I'd probably kick him in between his legs. I don't think anyone needs permission from their lover to date someone else because I don't think that you can be committed to your lover when you're already in a marriage.

[Impudent Oyster]

Men don't buy women jewelry and try to kiss her unless they're pretty sure they'll get their way with her. You must have been giving out "I'm Game!" messages somehow.

 

 

That's what you think...and FWIW, I gave the jewelry back to him, I didn't want it or the strings attached to it.

 

This was a man I worked very closely with, he obviously got the wrong impression, but I set him straight.

 

Not all women are so weak that they can't turn a man down gracefully.

[Impudent Oyster]

I didn't want to comment earlier because it seems everyone was on such a roll trying to tell you she is using you and telling you she is a player. The way I see it is she is going through what everyone Owoman has gone through, she feels scared she feels guilty she feels a lot of mixed emotions about what she is doing, and most importantly she feels herself unable to cut it off because she is in way over head in terms of what she feels for you. Now the fact she is young and dances and models autamitcally makes other people think she is a "certain" way, they will have preconceived notions about here based on that.

 

I personally don't judge people on their professions because at the end of the day they are people too. I see a scared girl who is in way too deep, letting herself get in even deeper with a man who doesn't even know what he wants. I see here as holding back because she doesn't want to get crushed like a pesky bug.

 

 

 

EXACTLY!!! I was thinking the exact same thing, AS IF a man will give a woman jewelry and make a pass at her if he didn't get any sign in return that it could lead to something. That is just ridiculous to even state a man would do this out of the blue and for no reason.

 

I guess IO forgets that we are all women too and that we know exactly how men work.

 

 

 

:lmao:Again, totally agree on all counts. I think it is a matter of mediocre (at best) fiction writing, I can't even call it good fiction.

 

Yeah, you're right, it never happened. I made the whole think up. Whatever gets you through the night sweetheart.

 

I'm thinking women who never have to settle for other woman status know exactly what I'm talking about.

[Lizzie60]

Not all women are so weak that they can't turn a man down gracefully.

 

Ha-hem.. don't blame the weakness on the woman... I think it's the opposite, it's the MM that is weak and cannot control his pulsions..

[Impudent Oyster]

Not all women are so weak that they can't turn a man down gracefully.

 

Ha-hem.. don't blame the weakness on the woman... I think it's the opposite, it's the MM that is weak and cannot control his pulsions..

 

Duh...no kidding, just because a man has a hard-on for ya doesn't mean you have to placate him. Most men will take a shot at anything, they're just looking for someone dumb enough to take them up on their offer.

[GreenEyedLady]

Duh...no kidding, just because a man has a hard-on for ya doesn't mean you have to placate him. Most men will take a shot at anything, they're just looking for someone dumb enough to take them up on their offer.

 

If that's really how you feel, how does it make you feel that you're the W of one of those men?

 

Talk about settling...

[OpenBook]

That's what you think...and FWIW, I gave the jewelry back to him, I didn't want it or the strings attached to it.

 

This was a man I worked very closely with, he obviously got the wrong impression, but I set him straight.

 

Not all women are so weak that they can't turn a man down gracefully.

 

So does "turning him down gracefully" mean calling him "scale rot"? Just curious what your definition of "graceful" is.

[Lizzie60]

So does "turning him down gracefully" mean calling him "scale rot"? Just curious what your definition of "graceful" is.

 

 

oh...

[Impudent Oyster]

If that's really how you feel, how does it make you feel that you're the W of one of those men?

 

quote]

 

I feel great about my marriage, if I didn't, I would've divorced him. I think my H is fairly normal...he made one stupid mistake in 2 decades, and it didn't last but a few months before he told her he wasn't going anywhere. That was a few years ago, and he shows no signs of being that stupid again.

 

Heck, I consider my marriage to be far, far more successful than most. At the end of the day, we're happy.

 

I don't think I could've married a man with enough good qualities as he has that offset his yemporary insanity.

[Impudent Oyster]

So does "turning him down gracefully" mean calling him "scale rot"? Just curious what your definition of "graceful" is.

 

Uh, yeah, that's exactly what I told him.

 

Actually, I think I said something like, "It's very sweet of you to give me the jewelry, but I can't accept it, you're married and I'm sure your wife wouldn't appreciate you giving it to me." I think he said it was a thank you for all the work I did for him, but I bet he didn't try to kiss the men on the team.

 

Knowing he would cheat just proved that he wasn't good enough for me.

[JamesM]

IM, as one of the few guys who remain on this thread, I thought I would pipe in with a comment or two. I gave my advice already. Yes, I still think that this is headed for the famous "crash and burn" scenario. But I do say it is interesting to follow your story. At least do us that favor...keep us updated. I will refrain from attacking you as others do. I know their hope is that just a few more slaps on the head will wake you up. As a guy, I think it will take a kick in the groin before that happens.

 

I think this girl is somewhere in between what LB is saying and what TC is saying. She is playing you to a degree for whatever purpose, but she does have feelings for you. it is entirely possible that her story about lots of money is a bit exaggerated. The apartment could be her friend's originally or there could be another explanation. There could be more to her than meets the eye. One thing I have learned about women is that they do know how to fool men...especially men who are infatuated with them.

 

I am skeptical that so many married men are lining up behind you and throwing money at her. Yes, they do this because she gives them tidbits of emotional crumbs and flashes of her body, but I think this is somewhat exaggerated for your benefit as well.

 

Here emotional call could be real. Her feelings may be there for you. It could also be that her guilt is from the knowledge that her manipulations of you could break up a marriage, and this she feels bad about. It cold also be that her original plan was to get a sugar daddy, but she never planned on having the feelings she has found she has for you.

 

Based on what you have said, I think there is a distinct possibility that she does love you, but her main motive is to further herself. You can help her part time career in modeling, so she can lose her bikini bar job. While it pays good in tips (allegedly as she tells you), it is not a career that will bring her real fame and fortune.

[Carpetrider]

This is so funny to read. I think IM should date one of those Russian or Romanian Models. Much much hotter!

[Lookingforward]

In the course of this thread the 'relationship' has gone from 'hell no, she's not relationship material' to 'I think I may be willing to leave my wife for her'

 

We are only getting her side of it through Im's eyes, so maybe she's playing him, maybe not, but he sure needs to look at exactly what it IS he does want, and it is starting to sound like he needs to get out and on his own before he decides anything, but as others have pointed out, for whatever reason, men rarely do this.

 

At the very least his wife deserves to know that her M isn't all she thinks it is, so she can make HER own decisions.

 

and TC, not necessarily thinking 'playa' just because of her 'profession' , players come from all walks of life

[danavladeem]

Nah, I don't believe in american sports cars. I drive a Porsche 911 Carerra No ponytail, I hate ponytails, reminds me of old software engineers for some reason.

 

:lmao:Too funny. "Old software engineers". How about "Old software engineers with a big gut."

 

911 Carreras are nice. But, baby, a 997 GT2 gets my juices rolling!

 

Know what you mean about American Sports Cars. Corvettes are just a big cheap looking plastic dildo.

 

360's are kinda twitchy at the limit. (Crashed my 360 recently.) 430 are more stable. But can't wait to drive the Scuderia. Italian cars are more passionate. Ferraris have this phenomenal feedback for all the tactile senses. The smell. The sound. The feedback on the seat. The steering kick and feel. Amazing. Will be test driving a couple of new Lambos in the next week or so. Interesting to see what this new hybrid of German and Italian fusion work of art will be like.

[Impudent Oyster]

This is so funny to read. I think IM should date one of those Russian or Romanian Models. Much much hotter!

 

What a great idea! I think he's exactly the kind of guy those services were made for!

[OpenBook]

In the course of this thread the 'relationship' has gone from 'hell no, she's not relationship material' to 'I think I may be willing to leave my wife for her'

 

Great point LF! It's amazing what men will do and think when a woman "holds out" on him and doesn't center her life around him. Lizzie's right -- that show of independence works every time! As a single gal, I am definitely taking notes here.

 

We are only getting her side of it through Im's eyes, so maybe she's playing him, maybe not, but he sure needs to look at exactly what it IS he does want, and it is starting to sound like he needs to get out and on his own before he decides anything, but as others have pointed out, for whatever reason, men rarely do this.

 

No they sure don't. Men always do what is best for themselves. And if it means playing the W or the OW (or both), well by all means have at it! I'm actually glad to see that women are starting to take a page out of their book. Right back atcha, honey.

 

At the very least his wife deserves to know that her M isn't all she thinks it is, so she can make HER own decisions.

 

I wonder if she doesn't already know.

[Lookingforward]

snip> As a single gal, I am definitely taking notes here.<

 

Right there with you OB lol

[Owl]

IM, you've still not really answered one question.

 

Why don't you divorce your wife since you're not happy in your marriage?

 

How do you think that you're wife will feel/react when she learns about Miss Bikini Girl?

 

Are you ok with making your wife feel that way?

 

 

OK...you're not sure what's going to happen with Miss Bikini...but that has nothing to do with divorcing your wife. Do you see what I'm saying?

 

And, FWIW, there was a question earlier posted about the difference between an OW and a "playa". Technically, there isn't. But, on this forum, most of the OW are emotionally attached to their MM. We tend to classify those particular ladies as "OW". The ones that have no real emotional attachment, but are with MM for convenience or monetary benefit (such as Lizzie) people tend to classify as "playa's".

[OWoman]

And, FWIW, there was a question earlier posted about the difference between an OW and a "playa". Technically, there isn't. But, on this forum, most of the OW are emotionally attached to their MM. We tend to classify those particular ladies as "OW". The ones that have no real emotional attachment, but are with MM for convenience or monetary benefit (such as Lizzie) people tend to classify as "playa's".

 

So that makes me a mutant?

[Lizzie60]

IM, you've still not really answered one question.

 

Why don't you divorce your wife since you're not happy in your marriage?

 

How do you think that you're wife will feel/react when she learns about Miss Bikini Girl?

 

Are you ok with making your wife feel that way?

 

 

OK...you're not sure what's going to happen with Miss Bikini...but that has nothing to do with divorcing your wife. Do you see what I'm saying?

 

And, FWIW, there was a question earlier posted about the difference between an OW and a "playa". Technically, there isn't. But, on this forum, most of the OW are emotionally attached to their MM. We tend to classify those particular ladies as "OW". The ones that have no real emotional attachment, but are with MM for convenience or monetary benefit (such as Lizzie) people tend to classify as "playa's".[/quote]

 

Huh???? 'playa's' what are you talking about.. because an OW is not in love with the MM makes her a player?... and I will point to you that not all MMs I am seeing knows about the monetary benefits..

[Tomcat33]

And, FWIW, there was a question earlier posted about the difference between an OW and a "playa". Technically, there isn't. But, on this forum, most of the OW are emotionally attached to their MM.

 

 

Techincally there isn't??? what the heck is that supposed to mean?

 

What you said was to the effect of:

"I think X about people that do Y, present company excluded...." it is just a polite way of saying "present company actually included but I'm too chicken to say this to your face"

 

I resent that remark, I am hardly a player, and where does this typical description of an OP that = player come from? OPs are hardly players by default. There are players and then there are people who are genuinely looking for love etc. and it is no different than how single people are.

 

 

And two concenting adults having a mutual understanding of what they share together like let's say in the case of "Lizzy" is HARDLY being a player. A player, by virtue of the meaning of the word, PLAYS, cheats, or takes advantage of a person who is UNBEKNOWNST to the fact that they being taken advantage of.

Edited February 18, 2008 by Tomcat33