OpenBook Posted February 17, 2008 Posted February 17, 2008 Are you really so needy that you must leave one if and only if another is immediately available? Why not take a year or two off and learn how to live alone? Why are men so needy this way? ... Why is it that women can leave without a sure thing? I suppose we are stronger people. My GF's and I say this all the time... that they need us a lot more than we need them. Maybe that's why we're all single. Seriously though folks... we feel that men ask/expect too much from us in a committed R. We have to take care of the house, take care of the kids, cook for him, satisfy all of his sexual needs, AND bring in half (or more) of the income. And what do we get in return? "Well I'm here, aren't I? That should prove to you that I love you without me having to lift a finger or say a thing." Thanks, but no thanks. We're better off on our own.
Impudent Oyster Posted February 17, 2008 Posted February 17, 2008 (edited) Some of us OWs are now the only woman. It depends on what you want. When I was the OW that was what I wanted, I didn't want some guy in my face all day every day. You couldn't date a guy without having him in your face all day? How strange! All I know is, I had a few married men from work hit on me...I liked them, they were attractive, but they were married. One gave me a necklace and bracelet at the company christmas party and tried to kiss me, and the other asked me out to dinner! The minute these men did this I lost all respect for them, it really creeped me out. First, because they thought I would even consider dating a married man, and second, because my opinion of them changed from admiration to disgust. Besides, I had plenty of single men hitting on me and didn't need to settle for some lying dogs, but that's just me. I guess we all have different standards when it comes to dating and relationships, and I like to think I wouldn't lower the bar so low as to have to sink to dating a MM. There are plenty of fish in the sea, no need to settle for one with scale rot. Edited February 17, 2008 by Impudent Oyster
OpenBook Posted February 17, 2008 Posted February 17, 2008 All I know is, I had a few married men from work hit on me...I liked them, they were attractive, but they were married. One gave me a necklace and bracelet at the company christmas party and tried to kiss me, and the other asked me out to dinner! The minute these men did this I lost all respect for them, it really creeped me out. Men don't buy women jewelry and try to kiss her unless they're pretty sure they'll get their way with her. You must have been giving out "I'm Game!" messages somehow. There are plenty of fish in the sea, no need to settle for one with scale rot. If you are as charming and graceful IRL as you are in your posts, then I have no doubt you are continually inundated with offers. It must really keep your H on his toes. If you do in fact have an H.
Lizzie60 Posted February 17, 2008 Posted February 17, 2008 I agree with OB.. men are sooo proud.. they just don't risk a 'NO' unless they are almost 100% sure they will get a 'yes'... worst.. they don't get them 'jewelry'
Lizzie60 Posted February 17, 2008 Posted February 17, 2008 You couldn't date a guy without having him in your face all day? How strange! All I know is, I had a few married men from work hit on me...I liked them, they were attractive, but they were married. One gave me a necklace and bracelet at the company christmas party and tried to kiss me, and the other asked me out to dinner! The minute these men did this I lost all respect for them, it really creeped me out. First, because they thought I would even consider dating a married man, and second, because my opinion of them changed from admiration to disgust. Besides, I had plenty of single men hitting on me and didn't need to settle for some lying dogs, but that's just me. I guess we all have different standards when it comes to dating and relationships, and I like to think I wouldn't lower the bar so low as to have to sink to dating a MM. There are plenty of fish in the sea, no need to settle for one with scale rot. I kinda feel it's the opposite.. the best are taken...
Carpetrider Posted February 17, 2008 Posted February 17, 2008 Lizzie, you're the perfect poster child for this dating agency http://www.ashleymadison.com/single/ I love the tag line "Where the best are taken" or "Where monogamy becomes monotony".
Lizzie60 Posted February 17, 2008 Posted February 17, 2008 Lizzie, you're the perfect poster child for this dating agency http://www.ashleymadison.com/single/ I love the tag line "Where the best are taken" or "Where monogamy becomes monotony". I had a profile on there once.. and I met a few... but then there is only so many hours in a week.. I work full time for the gov't. plus.. I'm getting old... I need more time for myself..
Author IM5150 Posted February 17, 2008 Author Posted February 17, 2008 So, IM, how old are you. You can give a midrange to not be specific. Earlier someone made a good point about men needing a fallback plan. You said yourself that if OW said she loved you and wanted to spend the rest of her life with you you would divorce your wife. But really, why would you need that? Are you really so needy that you must leave one if and only if another is immediately available? Why not take a year or two off and learn how to live alone? Why are men so needy this way? I am divorcing my H with absolutely no one waiting in the wings. I believe MM will be there for some time but only in the capacity of an A. Why is it that women can leave without a sure thing? I suppose we are stronger people. I'm in my mid 30's, OW is in her mid 20'S. Although I have a void in my marriage I never considered the thought of leaving when I didn't have OW. OW has made me realize what I am missing. I think it's easier for a woman to find a man, especially if your attractive so maybe women don't sweat it too much but as for me, I'm not so sure I would find someone if I had to do it all over again.
Author IM5150 Posted February 17, 2008 Author Posted February 17, 2008 (edited) Wow, what a night last night. Me and OW got into an argument. We got to her apartment, it was really late, she had to use the restroom and she said she'd be back out to hang out for a bit longer ( I can't go in her apartment). This was right after the argument and I can tell she was really pissed and I had the gut feeling she wasn't going to come back out. I was right. I waited 10 min in the cold and nothing. We texted back and forth a couple of times as I stood on the other side of her door asking her to open. I gave up after a few miuntes and I text her that I was leaving. 5 minutes into my drive home she calls me. Something good came out of all this. Something I've been wanting for a long time, she finally opened up to me. She told me everything about how she feels towards me. Some of you might still say she's playing me but after this call and hearing her I really doubt she is. She was VERY emotional, crying and just spilling her guts about how she became very attracted to me since day 1. She thinks about me all the time and wants to be with me. I realized why we don't have the perfect love affair. Because she hurts so much because she knows that was she's doing is wrong. This makes her hold back sometimes and in the past I would take it as not caring or wanting me but it was because she didn't feel right about it. She said that even though she knows it's wrong, her feelings for my are so strong that it over powers these thoughts. She deosn't want to be responsible for me leaving my wife. I'm really glad we had this talk because now I know where she stands and it's a big relief for me. The one downfall is that I feel this is becoming a stronger EA. Edited February 17, 2008 by IM5150
Lizzie60 Posted February 17, 2008 Posted February 17, 2008 There you go... Go for it.. now you can make your move.. you want her.. get her. Ask her to move with you.. Oh.. and why can't you go in her apartment???
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 17, 2008 Posted February 17, 2008 Man, this girl is good. She's got you hook, line and sinker. Give it a couple of months, and there is nothing you won't do for her. Of course, that is the idea. She knows exactly what she is doing, and is playing her cards like a pro. Don't be so caught up in her hand, that you forget what is in your own. A good player never lets you know when they are bluffing.
Author IM5150 Posted February 17, 2008 Author Posted February 17, 2008 Man, this girl is good. She's got you hook, line and sinker. Give it a couple of months, and there is nothing you won't do for her. Of course, that is the idea. She knows exactly what she is doing, and is playing her cards like a pro. Don't be so caught up in her hand, that you forget what is in your own. A good player never lets you know when they are bluffing. Hey LB, you have the right to your opinion but it seems like you don't want to accept the fact that OW has true feelings for me. You still believe she's playing me and that's OK I guess.
Author IM5150 Posted February 17, 2008 Author Posted February 17, 2008 There you go... Go for it.. now you can make your move.. you want her.. get her. Ask her to move with you.. Oh.. and why can't you go in her apartment??? It's temporary living for her, she doesn't have her own room, and respect for the apt owner. She's moving today to an apt where she will have her own room and she's already asked me to come visit her. Still taking it slow Lizzie
Lizzie60 Posted February 17, 2008 Posted February 17, 2008 It's temporary living for her, she doesn't have her own room, and respect for the apt owner. She's moving today to an apt where she will have her own room and she's already asked me to come visit her. Still taking it slow Lizzie Huh????? with all the money she supposedly making she can't have an apartment of her own???? this is odd...
whichwayisup Posted February 17, 2008 Posted February 17, 2008 Okay well, were you honest with her? Did you tell her that you want her to be "just" the OW, that you want her to be into you, to adore you, to give you a big ego feed, yet you don't feel she's relationship material, let alone, marriage/wife material? I guess she probably feels scared of getting hurt by you, rightfully so.
Tomcat33 Posted February 17, 2008 Posted February 17, 2008 (edited) Something good came out of all this. Something I've been wanting for a long time, she finally opened up to me. She told me everything about how she feels towards me. Some of you might still say she's playing me but after this call and hearing her I really doubt she is. She was VERY emotional, crying and just spilling her guts about how she became very attracted to me since day 1. She thinks about me all the time and wants to be with me. I realized why we don't have the perfect love affair. Because she hurts so much because she knows that was she's doing is wrong. This makes her hold back sometimes and in the past I would take it as not caring or wanting me but it was because she didn't feel right about it. She said that even though she knows it's wrong, her feelings for my are so strong that it over powers these thoughts. She deosn't want to be responsible for me leaving my wife. I didn't want to comment earlier because it seems everyone was on such a roll trying to tell you she is using you and telling you she is a player. The way I see it is she is going through what everyone Owoman has gone through, she feels scared she feels guilty she feels a lot of mixed emotions about what she is doing, and most importantly she feels herself unable to cut it off because she is in way over head in terms of what she feels for you. Now the fact she is young and dances and models autamitcally makes other people think she is a "certain" way, they will have preconceived notions about here based on that. I personally don't judge people on their professions because at the end of the day they are people too. I see a scared girl who is in way too deep, letting herself get in even deeper with a man who doesn't even know what he wants. I see here as holding back because she doesn't want to get crushed like a pesky bug. Men don't buy women jewelry and try to kiss her unless they're pretty sure they'll get their way with her. You must have been giving out "I'm Game!" messages somehow. EXACTLY!!! I was thinking the exact same thing, AS IF a man will give a woman jewelry and make a pass at her if he didn't get any sign in return that it could lead to something. That is just ridiculous to even state a man would do this out of the blue and for no reason. I guess IO forgets that we are all women too and that we know exactly how men work. If you are as charming and graceful IRL as you are in your posts, then I have no doubt you are continually inundated with offers. It must really keep your H on his toes. If you do in fact have an H. :lmao:Again, totally agree on all counts. I think it is a matter of mediocre (at best) fiction writing, I can't even call it good fiction. Edited February 17, 2008 by Tomcat33
whichwayisup Posted February 17, 2008 Posted February 17, 2008 she feels scared she feels guilty she feels a lot of mixed emotions about what she is doing, and most importantly she feels herself unable to cut it off because she is in way over head in terms of what she feels for you. I touched on this, but you said it better.. Also, she isn't stupid, she knows what he's after and knows that the chances of him leaving his wife and kids for her is slim to none.
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 17, 2008 Posted February 17, 2008 Hey LB, you have the right to your opinion but it seems like you don't want to accept the fact that OW has true feelings for me. You still believe she's playing me and that's OK I guess. Does she have true feelings? Only she knows that. Whether she has them or not is beside the point. All you need to be convinced of is that she appears to. She's done a pretty good job of that so far, that much is clear.
Tomcat33 Posted February 17, 2008 Posted February 17, 2008 I touched on this, but you said it better.. Also, she isn't stupid, she knows what he's after and knows that the chances of him leaving his wife and kids for her is slim to none. Sorry I missed that WWIU, but I did see you were one of the few that gave this woman the benefit of the doubt. No one has a crystal ball, but to judge someone as a man eating gold digger simply because she dances at a bikini bar and models seems a bit premature. I think if she worked at the local library people would be more open minded to seeing her as a girl with feelings who doesn't want to get them crushed. Yeah I totally agree she sees he won't leave his family so she is just protecting herself she is playing it tough, like "I can take this or leave it" but the reality is she can't because she has feelings for him, and much as she may try to hide them, her actions speak way louder.
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 17, 2008 Posted February 17, 2008 If the guy was anything but an apparently well known and respected fashion photographer with the ability to get her into Maxim and FHM and perhaps even into a higher market, I might be more inclined to think in terms of 'benefit of the doubt'. Call me a cynic, but I'm giving it six months, and this guy will be emotionally destroyed and she will be on her way. Just sayin... be careful. You never really know anyone's true motives when they stand to gain something from you.
Tomcat33 Posted February 17, 2008 Posted February 17, 2008 (edited) If the guy was anything but an apparently well known and respected fashion photographer with the ability to get her into Maxim and FHM and perhaps even into a higher market, I might be more inclined to think in terms of 'benefit of the doubt'. Call me a cynic, but I'm giving it six months, and this guy will be emotionally destroyed and she will be on her way. Just sayin... be careful. You never really know anyone's true motives when they stand to gain something from you. I agree people should be careful when starting a relationship with someone where there is involvement professionally, however, it is a tad cynical to think she only wants to climb up in the ladder and that's the only reason they hooked up. She met him modelling for him, the way I see it is she has the opportunity to meet tons of single photographers or even men in general. Look at what she does for a living she is exposed to all kinds of men, and in her line of work she TOO has to be careful men are not just using her for their own jolies. Just as many jumped to conclusions about her here, based on what she does for a living, men tend to do that as well. They prob assume these types of women are a "certain" way, heck IM5150 said himself she is not the marriage material type, he admits openly he is using her for his own personal needs, and HE is supposed to be careful of her? If you stop and analize the dynamic these two have they actually have more to benefit from each other than they would from being with someone who is not in the business for the simple fact that stirctly professionally speaking they both have something at stake in terms of trusting what others want from them. Now he IS married so this is another thing altogether. So in terms of who has more to lose obviously HE does if you count the marriage/family in all of this, doesn't seem to be a concern for him so...techincally they are on equal playing field. PS I work in a similar industry to that of photography and in my industry people hook up and end up seeing each other constantly, it's the nature of what artistic types are about. they tend to stick to their own kind and it's not about furthering their careers it's simply about finding someone who shares the same interests/listyle Edited February 17, 2008 by Tomcat33
Author IM5150 Posted February 17, 2008 Author Posted February 17, 2008 If the guy was anything but an apparently well known and respected fashion photographer with the ability to get her into Maxim and FHM and perhaps even into a higher market, I might be more inclined to think in terms of 'benefit of the doubt'. Call me a cynic, but I'm giving it six months, and this guy will be emotionally destroyed and she will be on her way. Just sayin... be careful. You never really know anyone's true motives when they stand to gain something from you. I might have pointed it out in a previous post but this girl isn't taking me for what she would gain as a model. She's not a SERIOUS model. She does it on the side and mostly gains promotional work (although not too often) and a few other things that we are working on but she's not really the "Maxim" type model. She has an edgier look to her. Her modeling right now is more of a hobby than anything else.
OpenBook Posted February 17, 2008 Posted February 17, 2008 The way I see it is she is going through what everyone Owoman has gone through, she feels scared she feels guilty she feels a lot of mixed emotions about what she is doing, and most importantly she feels herself unable to cut it off because she is in way over head in terms of what she feels for you. Now the fact she is young and dances and models autamitcally makes other people think she is a "certain" way, they will have preconceived notions about here based on that. Well, there's more to the story than that... little tidbits from IM5150 that lead me to believe she DOES know what she's doing... One small example, when i go to see her dance, she knows that i like her hair in pigtails. I'll show up and she'll go to the dressing room and fix her hair for me. She doesn't have to do this but she does. Then she'll dance to a song that I like. She'll buy me drinks, she takes care of me. She has her regulars that go into see her. She tells me about each one of them and how they give her loads of money just for talking to them. Typically older business men. They hate it when i come in because she hangs with me the whole time and they are left by themselves staring at their drinks with no one to talk to. She doesn't care, she rather be with me. She sounds like a model employee, actually. Brings in a lot of business for the bar. And that thing with making him wait outside the apt, in the cold... It sounds like she is deliberately playing into his fantasies, getting him hooked, reeling himin, tempting him and then shutting him out... I say she is one smart cookie!!
Author IM5150 Posted February 17, 2008 Author Posted February 17, 2008 Yeah I totally agree she sees he won't leave his family so she is just protecting herself she is playing it tough, like "I can take this or leave it" but the reality is she can't because she has feelings for him, and much as she may try to hide them, her actions speak way louder. After last nights talk I told her that she filled a void in my life that I don't have with my marriage. Her coming into my life has made me realize this. I told her that leaving my family was a possibility but I will always be near my kids and see them all the time. Who;s knows, she might be feeling some hope now. It's so hard right now because I'm not myself anymore with my family. The constant thinking about OW consumes me. It's not fair to my family. I don't see this lasting that much longer, something will have to give.
Lizzie60 Posted February 17, 2008 Posted February 17, 2008 Hum.. I didn't get an answer yet... If she makes that much money, how come she can't afford an apartment of her own... (makes him wait outside in the cold because she has to share a room... ) That doesn't make much sense to me..
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