OWoman Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 I'd say technically she's not an OW either , just a playa Interesting distinction, LF - intuitively it sounds right, but I'm interested to hear what your categorisation is based on. When is a woman an OW, and when a playa, when involved with a MM? Is it to do with power? With desired outcome? With the nature of the relationship? Apologies OP for the t/j... Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 I just have to ask... if you're that into the OW, why are you still with your wife? Why don't you just leave the wife and be with the other woman? What's the necessity for cheating? To me it's like driving with your e-brake on. Why do it when you don't have to? Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 I think he holds on to his W as as backup plan, because chances are very high that the "dancer"/"model" OW will be done with him as soon as the next guy comes along that can push her "career" even higher. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 I think he holds on to his W as as backup plan, because chances are very high that the "dancer"/"model" OW will be done with him as soon as the next guy comes along that can push her "career" even higher. I totally agree with this. In fact, I think it's the attitude of most cheating MM's. Either their W or their OW is "the backup plan." They are leaning on both women to support their egos. If both women are willing to put up with that kind of behavior from him, then what's to stop him? I know, I know -- character, decency, "man-up" and so forth -- but the reality is quite different. It's the way men are. Link to post Share on other sites
Impudent Oyster Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 Are you kidding me? I have a very unstable wild child as a OW. She's not relationship material. I didn't ask you to marry her, I asked you why you don't divorce your wife. If the OW isn't relationship material then perhaps you should apporach her with a proposal, make some kind of financial arrangement with her where you pay her for sex and her attention, since that's all you seem to be looking for. Thanks for playing. NEXT! Link to post Share on other sites
Author IM5150 Posted February 16, 2008 Author Share Posted February 16, 2008 I just have to ask... if you're that into the OW, why are you still with your wife? Why don't you just leave the wife and be with the other woman? What's the necessity for cheating? To me it's like driving with your e-brake on. Why do it when you don't have to? Because of the insecurities I have with OW. If OW told me that she loved me and wanted to spend the rest of her life with me and I believed it then it would be easier to make a decision like that. That's not the case. I think OW has me as a good friend first, then as someone that she can get physical with without feeling all weird about it. It's a weird relationship we have and hard to explain. Not your typical affair relationship. I think I've said it before but almost one that's not worth getting caught over but something has drawn me into her that it doesn't matter, I want to continue seeing her. On the flip side, since I don't see us so romantically involved for some reason it doesn't feel "as bad" of an affair as one where all the couple would do is meet up and have sex. We are friends first, with some play time here and there. Every time I see here I don't know whether I"ll just get a quick kiss, or make out, or have some foreplay (that hasn't led to sex, BTW). So as you can see, it's a weird relationship right now and one that I couldn't imagine leaving my family for on my own terms. Link to post Share on other sites
Author IM5150 Posted February 16, 2008 Author Share Posted February 16, 2008 I think he holds on to his W as as backup plan, because chances are very high that the "dancer"/"model" OW will be done with him as soon as the next guy comes along that can push her "career" even higher. She's over this. She gets what she wants from me and doesn't look elsewhere for the next big thing. I do however fear a guy that will come along that she will be attracted to and he will be able to provide her what I can't which is unconditional attention with no attachments. The day this happens she will leave me and I will be ready to move on. I am most certain this is what will end our A. I doubt that she has such strong feelings towards me that she won't look at other men, it would be nice to know that this is the case but I'm not gonna flatter myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author IM5150 Posted February 16, 2008 Author Share Posted February 16, 2008 I didn't ask you to marry her, I asked you why you don't divorce your wife. If the OW isn't relationship material then perhaps you should apporach her with a proposal, make some kind of financial arrangement with her where you pay her for sex and her attention, since that's all you seem to be looking for. Thanks for playing. NEXT! Cause she's not a prostitute. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 She's over this. She gets what she wants from me and doesn't look elsewhere for the next big thing. A hard lesson that I'm surprised you haven't learned yet in your line of business is that career girls like this one are always looking for the next person who can take them to the next big thing. She's playing you pretty smart though, if she has you convinced that what you can provide is as high as she wants to go. No career girl lets go of a sure thing until the next sure thing comes along. Link to post Share on other sites
Phateless Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 It's the way men are. Women are just as bad. Link to post Share on other sites
Author IM5150 Posted February 16, 2008 Author Share Posted February 16, 2008 A hard lesson that I'm surprised you haven't learned yet in your line of business is that career girls like this one are always looking for the next person who can take them to the next big thing. She's playing you pretty smart though, if she has you convinced that what you can provide is as high as she wants to go. No career girl lets go of a sure thing until the next sure thing comes along. She's not a career model. She's at a comfortable place where she is now. Trust me, she's not looking for bigger and better. I know you think I'm naive to think this but it's true. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 I think you represent MOST of the MM out there.. you are in love with 'lust' and it gives you a tremendous rush. This girl is young, beautiful, you know she's every guy's dream.. and you think she's only for you.. that's probably why you're obsessed with her. If she wasn't in that branch of work, it wouldn't bother you as much.. you are jealous... but she is single and I bet anything that you're not the only one... I don't say that to be mean.. I honestly think she loves the attention, the money and to have all those men at her feet... who wouldn't love that? Why would you be any special.. you know she's not relationship material, and she also knows that. I understand you though, you don't get any sex at home.. I will never understand women who think that having sex once a month with their H are keeping them away from cheating.. it is ridiculous.. they are having sex somewhere else... for sure. So in a way, enjoy the time you have with her.. don't get emotionally attached to her. cause she's young and it's not fair to ask HER to be monogamous with you when YOU are married... not fair at all.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author IM5150 Posted February 16, 2008 Author Share Posted February 16, 2008 I think you represent MOST of the MM out there.. you are in love with 'lust' and it gives you a tremendous rush. This girl is young, beautiful, you know she's every guy's dream.. and you think she's only for you.. that's probably why you're obsessed with her. If she wasn't in that branch of work, it wouldn't bother you as much.. you are jealous... but she is single and I bet anything that you're not the only one... I don't say that to be mean.. I honestly think she loves the attention, the money and to have all those men at her feet... who wouldn't love that? Why would you be any special.. you know she's not relationship material, and she also knows that. I understand you though, you don't get any sex at home.. I will never understand women who think that having sex once a month with their H are keeping them away from cheating.. it is ridiculous.. they are having sex somewhere else... for sure. So in a way, enjoy the time you have with her.. don't get emotionally attached to her. cause she's young and it's not fair to ask HER to be monogamous with you when YOU are married... not fair at all.. Thanks Lizzie, I'm trying to not get emotionally attached trust me, it's hard because I feel like I am. If I wasn't, my life would be alot easier. I walk around everyday that I don't see her with this emptiness inside and it really sucks. I think about her 24/7. So many dyas of emtiness for a few hours here and there of a complete rush, it's way off balance but oh well. Link to post Share on other sites
Impudent Oyster Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 (edited) Cause she's not a prostitute. But you're acting like a john. What in god's name would she find attractive about you? You're married, no intention of divorcing, you say you don't want a long term relationship with her, you're older, she's a beautiful single model...what am I missing here? What do YOU have to offer HER? I can't get over the fact that you're worried that she's going to find someone else, of course she is! You wrote "I do however fear a guy that will come along that she will be attracted to and he will be able to provide her what I can't which is unconditional attention with no attachments." Yep, that's a very real fear. That's what happens when you're MARRIED and you want a little side-action. Doesn't it just stink that you can't be married yet still have this girl at your beck and call, preventing her from finding someone who IS available? Wow, I feel so sorry for you that you can't have it all. Edited February 16, 2008 by Impudent Oyster Link to post Share on other sites
Impudent Oyster Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 I understand you though, you don't get any sex at home.. I will never understand women who think that having sex once a month with their H are keeping them away from cheating.. it is ridiculous.. they are having sex somewhere else... for sure. Maybe sex with him isn't all that great? Maybe his wife is bored to tears? I'm just sayin'..... Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 But you're acting like a john. What in god's name would she find attractive about you? You're married, no intention of divorcing, you say you don't want a long term relationship with her, you're older, she's a beautiful single model...what am I missing here? What do YOU have to offer HER? I can't get over the fact that you're worried that she's going to find someone else, of course she is! You wrote "I do however fear a guy that will come along that she will be attracted to and he will be able to provide her what I can't which is unconditional attention with no attachments." Yep, that's a very real fear. That's what happens when you're MARRIED and you want a little side-action. Doesn't it just stink that you can't be married yet still have this girl at your beck and call, preventing her from finding someone who IS available? Wow, I feel so sorry for you that you can't have it all. I think you're making a lot of assumptions... maybe his wife is bored to tears.. maybe they are BOTH bored to tears.. how's that? I know a lot more women who hate sex when they get older than the other way around.. sorry but that's reality... _ What in god's name would she find attractive about you? You're married, no intention of divorcing, you say you don't want a long term relationship with her, you're older, she's a beautiful single model...what am I missing here? Does this means that all older married man are unattractive and have nothing to offer... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 He lucked out with this OW. She isn't going to put all her eggs in one basket and give him the ego rush that he desires. She isn't head over heels inlove, she's playing it smart. That's what is probably getting him down, he reads threads here about OW who truly love their MM, would wait till the cows come home to be with their MM...Yet his OW isn't feeling "it." Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 He lucked out with this OW. She isn't going to put all her eggs in one basket and give him the ego rush that he desires. She isn't head over heels inlove, she's playing it smart. That's what is probably getting him down, he reads threads here about OW who truly love their MM, would wait till the cows come home to be with their MM...Yet his OW isn't feeling "it." I know how she feels.. I'm exactly like her.. no commitment That's probably what is driving him crazy.. she's independant... it drives men crazy.. I know.. works every time.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author IM5150 Posted February 16, 2008 Author Share Posted February 16, 2008 I know how she feels.. I'm exactly like her.. no commitment That's probably what is driving him crazy.. she's independant... it drives men crazy.. I know.. works every time.. Yes, she's very independant, has her routine everyday. Link to post Share on other sites
Author IM5150 Posted February 16, 2008 Author Share Posted February 16, 2008 The last couple of encounters with OW have been intersting. It seems like she continues to change. I'm not sure if it was that night when we both did X. After that night my feelings grew stronger for her and I'm starting think the same for her. Today we went for a picnic at a park and she was very into me. She constantly wants to hug and kiss and hold hands. I'm still feeling my high right now but it will all too soon taper off again until next time. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 Yes, she's very independant, has her routine everyday. I know.. I am just like her.. and I will tell you this.. she is not in love with you.. she only likes you a lot.. huge difference.. you are some kind of masochist.. different stroke for different folk I guess.. Link to post Share on other sites
Impudent Oyster Posted February 17, 2008 Share Posted February 17, 2008 _ What in god's name would she find attractive about you? You're married, no intention of divorcing, you say you don't want a long term relationship with her, you're older, she's a beautiful single model...what am I missing here? Does this means that all older married man are unattractive and have nothing to offer... Damn right! Now if I were single, an older SINGLE man might have something to offer but married? No thanks, I wouldn't ever have to settle for someone who is married, I deserve to be the only woman, not the other woman. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted February 17, 2008 Share Posted February 17, 2008 Damn right! Now if I were single, an older SINGLE man might have something to offer but married? No thanks, I wouldn't ever have to settle for someone who is married, I deserve to be the only woman, not the other woman. Some of us OWs are now the only woman. It depends on what you want. When I was the OW that was what I wanted, I didn't want some guy in my face all day every day. That changed, and so he left his W and now I'm the only woman. But even when I was the OW, I was the only woman that he loved. Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted February 17, 2008 Share Posted February 17, 2008 This sounds like Im is in complete infatuation/lust and the girl is just playing him, doesn't strike me as an A per se, especially when he has admitted he sees no relationship potential there. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted February 17, 2008 Share Posted February 17, 2008 So, IM, how old are you. You can give a midrange to not be specific. Earlier someone made a good point about men needing a fallback plan. You said yourself that if OW said she loved you and wanted to spend the rest of her life with you you would divorce your wife. But really, why would you need that? Are you really so needy that you must leave one if and only if another is immediately available? Why not take a year or two off and learn how to live alone? Why are men so needy this way? I am divorcing my H with absolutely no one waiting in the wings. I believe MM will be there for some time but only in the capacity of an A. Why is it that women can leave without a sure thing? I suppose we are stronger people. Link to post Share on other sites
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