mammax3 Posted February 15, 2008 Posted February 15, 2008 Hello all! It's been months and months since I was here, posting. I'm at 10 months out of the relationship and I was a MESS then. I'm picking up the pieces, dusting them off and checking to see which I'd like to keep. Sometimes I'm embarassed about the way I behaved (really, why would I have wanted to hang on to the POS?) but I'm mostly proud of myself. I've stayed FAR off the dating radar while I work on myself and figure out single life with 3 kids and no physical support from the ex. I figure in 2 months I'll have divorce papers in hand and a new lease on life. When I was first here and I was reading from all of you who were in the one year (or more) mark I couldn't imagine how it'd feel at that stage. Now I get why it takes this long before thinking of engaging in a healthy relationship (or longer!) and how all the stages are important to pass through. Forgiveness is still a big piece of the puzzle for me. Most days I think I can do it (but only once the D papers are signed! Slightly more cynical than before) since it's only hurting me, he doesn't care how i feel. It's tough since my whole family would like to see him roasting on a spit and don't really encourage forgiveness and then it makes me feel spineless for wanting to. Would someone please refresh my memory as to why it's so important for the kids to have contact with a man who chose to leave? It's hard for me to keep it at the forefront of my brain. I'm certain that I'm done with him. I can look at old pictures and either throw them away or tuck them aside since I'm sure at some point the kids will want to see us when we were young. And he's obviously still part of my past - the best part, since he's not in my present and he gave me my little darlin's! I can even 'chat'-ish on the phone with him but I'm still somewhat reserved. I can't trust this man or do him any favours (despite what he may ask of me) and thus it makes small talk difficult. In some literature I read, it indicated that as much as an ex can give, I should be happy with that. If all they can manage is a weekly phone call (which is where we've recently come to BTW) then I should be pleased he's giving what he can. Maybe it's my personality, but I think that's a load of hooey. What if I could only 'manage' to give my kids one meal or diaper change a day? No child agency would be pleased with that, I'll tell you! Why is it acceptable for him to scrape by with the bare minimum? This is where my forgivness card gets raggy. And, would someone please tell me that if the current trend continues, the kids will not idolize their dad? I want them to learn healthy male roles, not men who abandon their kids and then should accept poor seconds. Thanks. Happy 2008. Let's hope it's better.
Navin_R_Johnson Posted February 15, 2008 Posted February 15, 2008 I don't have much to add but I feel for you...I'm on the same end of selfish, coward decision by my WAS. Hang in there. I LOVE you sig... Everything's okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end.
PWSX3 Posted February 15, 2008 Posted February 15, 2008 Mammax3 it is good to hear from you again, things might not be ending like you wished they would have but I feel you are seeing the end of the tunnel on this part of your life & you are realizing you will be O.K. & that life does go on. thanks for the update & I wish you the best. (HUGS)
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