spookie Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 I've come to the conclusion that I cannot break up with Mr. AS on Valentine's Day. Not after taking his virginity and being made privy to his darkest secrets (which involve anal beads fyi :D:D). Not when he's been obsessing about our plans (his first "real" Valentine's day ever!) for weeks. I'm tired. I worked every night this week, picking up a couple new pole tricks that have left me sore everywhere and bruised all over my legs. Last night I made $400. Do you know how many lap dances that amounts to?!! And after work, I partied with an actual (ex)rockstar. Thanks to all the motherfcvking cocaine I snorted off the pristine countertop in his McMansion (I will never touch that s1ht again!) my brain's been racing all day. I haven't eaten, haven't slept. And I'm getting the flu. And I'm freaking out about the impending actuarial exam that I am utterly unprepared for. I feel like total total crap. And what will I have to do starting in just a couple of hours? I'll have to await my stb-ex's email, which will let me know precisely when to pick him up (mother****er won't use the phone). I'll have to drive him, in my scary broken car (without the tire, without the taillight, without gas cause I can't afford it, with the oil thing flashing) to the grocery store, where we'll pick out the ingredients for our romantic dinner, and he'll pick out a couple of things for himself (which I will no doubt have to help him carry upstairs/ do it for him, cause I'm stronger). I'll have to drive us back to my house, where we'll prepare the meal, make small-talk with my roommates, and watch a movie (I'm thinking something real real cheery, like "Happiness" ). I'll have to drive him back to his apartment, where I'll have to look for an impossibly-tiny spot to parallel-park into while he sits there like a bag of rocks, completely disoriented; and come upstairs to cuddle. If I'm feeling really generous/ sorry for him/ horny, I'll have to get on top and do all the work for sex. :sick: What I really want to do tonight is to hole up in my room with a joint, some pizza, and the porn on my computer. To masturbate myself to sleep. :sick::sick:
blind_otter Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 Weeeeeeelll. That's whacha get for doing the cocaine. It's always fun when you're doing it, and for **** the next day. I'm just saying.
Author spookie Posted February 14, 2008 Author Posted February 14, 2008 Weeeeeeelll. That's whacha get for doing the cocaine. It's always fun when you're doing it, and for **** the next day. I'm just saying. Yah, yah. :mad:
lovelorcet Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 I feel bad for your STEXB... He sounds like a nice guy.
sb129 Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 Does Mr AS know what you do for a job? And does he know about the coke/partying? Just wondering. For the record, I probably would have gone to the McMansion too.... but those kind of opportunities don't really present themselves to me ever!
Author spookie Posted February 14, 2008 Author Posted February 14, 2008 Does Mr AS know what you do for a job? And does he know about the coke/partying? Just wondering. For the record, I probably would have gone to the McMansion too.... but those kind of opportunities don't really present themselves to me ever! Yah. He thinks it's hot that I'm a math nerd by day and a stripper by night. I think he probably has no idea what it means. Or that he's crazy.
Author spookie Posted February 14, 2008 Author Posted February 14, 2008 I feel bad for your STEXB... He sounds like a nice guy. He is. I feel bad for him too.
Trialbyfire Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 I feel bad for your STEXB... He sounds like a nice guy. So do I. I can't find the posts but I said to spookie in another thread(s) that she needs to go into this with her eyes wide open and not to rip this guy's heart out. He's got AS and was a virgin. How do you propose that a guy like that would make a good lover?
Ariadne Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 Hey, Making good money there, spookie. Good job. Soon you'll buy yourself a new car, you'll see. Some nice and shiny one. And that dinner with the bf sounds just miserable. Is like he is a baby and you have to mother him. Yeah, that sounds pretty bad Might have to simplyfy the ordeal today. Ah well, careful with the heavy drugs there or you'll end up throwing all your money with that. Ariadne
sb129 Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 So do I. I can't find the posts but I said to spookie in another thread(s) that she needs to go into this with her eyes wide open and not to rip this guy's heart out. He's got AS and was a virgin. How do you propose that a guy like that would make a good lover? Because he is emotionally detached and might not hurt her as much as the other guys? He also won't judge her for stripping? Not sure.... Sounds like as soon as the deal was sealed, Spookies attraction waned anyway. Which can happen... its just unfortunate that he may not take it that well....
Trialbyfire Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 Because he is emotionally detached and might not hurt her as much as the other guys? He also won't judge her for stripping? Not sure.... Sounds like as soon as the deal was sealed, Spookies attraction waned anyway. Which can happen... its just unfortunate that he may not take it that well.... Maybe, but spookie should have been the responsible adult in this. This guy doesn't exactly have all his marbles and if you consider all the aspects of an Aspie, they don't have empathy and can't handle change. Routine is key. Also, Aspies are likely to have ADHD, OCD or some other form(s) of disorders. Something selfish happened here.
shadowplay Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 WTF, Spookie! I thought you had given up stripping?! And more coke???? What's going on with you? I'm worried! Please get a hold of yourself. I changed my mind -- don't dump this guy. Sounds like he's the only "healthy" thing in your life right now. I have to say, though, anal beads -- total turnoff.
sb129 Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 Maybe, but spookie should have been the responsible adult in this. This guy doesn't exactly have all his marbles and if you consider all the aspects of an Aspie, they don't have empathy and can't handle change. Routine is key. Also, Aspies are likely to have ADHD, OCD or some other form(s) of disorders. Something selfish happened here. Agreed, but I think she got in too deep before she realised that.
Trialbyfire Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 Agreed, but I think she got in too deep before she realised that. Nope. She deliberately chose to ignore it. We had that discussion in the thread.
sb129 Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 Nope. She deliberately chose to ignore it. We had that discussion in the thread. "we" as in me and you, or you and spookie? I am feeling a little underinformed.
Kasan Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 Anal beads??? Adventuresome sort isn't he? I love your posts Spookie!
oppath Posted February 15, 2008 Posted February 15, 2008 If you just made $400 in one night, you have money for gas in your car. But jumping jesus on a pogo stick, your stories are great and your life sounds...interesting, but what's with the constant ripping of your bf? You chose to date him. You chose to sleep with him. You knew he wasn't physically strong, you knew all those negative qualities you are now mentioning BEFORE you slept with him. I can understand the attraction waning, but why the mudslinging? Despite all the flaws and turnoffs he has for you, they were there all along; they did not emerge after months of dating. The healthiest way to view most breakups is "we're just not the right people for each other." There is no need to sling mud like you are. That just confirms for me that this was less about taking a chance with a different type of guy, and intentionally ignoring the things you disliked just so you would have the story to tell. This does not make you a bad person, but you are not looking at this impending breakup healthily. He's a great guy, he's just not the one for you. Slinging mud about all the things you dislike, it's like you don't respect him at all. Really, I don't think you ever did. Some ordinary Joe, this wouldn't upset me, but I have friends with Aspergers and other behavioral conditions, and it is not their fault that they have not shared what are normal experiences to most people. Sometimes, they don't have the skills or recognize the social cues to even care, it's a non issue, but other times they care deeply. What bothers me is your intense negative view of him. There is no need for that in any relationship when you lose interest. You are trying to rationalize you losing interest by finding all sorts of flaws. Those flaws are just excuses to mask the fact that deep down, you know he isn't the one for you, and deep down, you probably always did know that. Stop the complaining, like it's his fault, or that he is inconveniencing you. You are not a bad person for wanting to break up, but there's no need to insult him inside your head. You knew his situation. You knew who he was. You ignored the things that turn you off. We all make mistakes and we all stay in relationships too long, but the attitude I'd wish you'd adopt is "he is just not the one for me, but I wish him the very best," not "OMG, this guy is so unattractive, weak, and annoying and he's an inconvenience to me and he feels like a chore." It doesn't sound like you care about him at all.
Author spookie Posted February 15, 2008 Author Posted February 15, 2008 (edited) It was surprisingly easy to avoid seeing him today. All I had to say was, I'm afraid to drive my car in the dark, because it's missing a taillight and I've already gotten pulled over for that once. Which was the truth. The bigger truth is that I'm tired of having to chauffeur us around without reimbursement for gas, just because he's too afraid of something to buy a car... I am all for equality in relationships, so I don't mind that we split everything down the middle, even though he makes about 7 times as much annually without having to take his clothes off; but when I have to make 95% of the effort to see him, that isn't equality anymore, it's me wearing the stereotypical pants all the time. He doens't live far away, about 15 minutes by bike. In fact, he lives exactly a block away from my best friend's apartment, and we NEVER use cars when getting together. I asked him if he'd be ok with peddling over. His response: could I do it instead, cause he didn't think biking in the dark for him was a good idea. What if he got hit by a car? Or murdered? I'm sorry, maybe all of you who said I should have known all this going into it were right; but honestly, I'd bargained for some things, I wasn't going into this blind or with the intention of hurting him; but it's too much. Maybe it's his disorder that "makes" him who he is, maybe he can't help it, I don't know, but at the end of the day, I do judge him, my respect for him is gone, Asperger's or not, I think he's a total coward. I said I would come over, because I wanted to end it in person; but before leaving, I mentioned I was coming down with the flu. He said that presented a dilemma, and could we reschedule in 5 days when there was no chance I could get him sick? That was the nail in the coffin. I ended it then. I made sure to be nice (I come here to vent but I would never be that mean to someone to their face IRL.) I made it about myself, not him. TBH I don't think he cared that much. Edited February 15, 2008 by spookie
Chauncey Posted February 15, 2008 Posted February 15, 2008 Don't feel so bad. I haven't had sex in over a month and a half, spent nearly $300 on my gf tonight and I got nothing....I even made her a handmade card! Pissed is an understatement...
Ariadne Posted February 15, 2008 Posted February 15, 2008 That's going to make history in his book... She took my virginity away and dumped me on Valentine's day. LOL Yeah, he is probably so matter of fact that he might be like, oh well. Makes sense.
shadowplay Posted February 16, 2008 Posted February 16, 2008 Honestly, I don't see what the big deal was about driving over to see him if it's only 15 mins by bike -- isn't that like a 3-5 minute car ride? I agree with him about riding a bike at night. It's pretty dangerous -- especially on a busy street. I wouldn't do it. On the other hand, what he said about "rescheduling" in five days when you're less sick was pretty bad. I still don't understand why your respect for him is so low. He seems pretty decent, even if he's a bit cowardly (so what?). What was his reaction when you told him you were breaking things off?
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