Ex called me last night, did not pick up... suggestions?

[Roller EastCoaster]

Hey guys, well the ex called me last night a few times. I looked at the phone and wanted to pick up so bad, but I just was thinkin what would we even say? Small talk at that late hour... please. She left a message saying she misses me and she would try to contact me today. I really dont care too much its Vday, niether does she. The real issue is I was doin good with NC, but now that she calls, I have to pick up and respond... right? Any suggestions on how to handle this?

 

By the way for those of you who have not heard from your ex's yet, trust me, yours is still fresh. NC is best for now, mine on the other hand is about 3 months old, so contact is bound to happen at this point.

[dfreeman]

She left a message saying she misses me and she would try to contact me today. I really dont care too much its Vday, niether does she. The real issue is I was doin good with NC, but now that she calls, I have to pick up and respond... right? Any suggestions on how to handle this?

 

First of all - Good on you for not picking up that phone the night before Valentine's Day!!!

 

Not knowing your entire situation (I re-read your threads though), I would advise you to carefully consider what each step would do to you before you act.

 

• What kind of extra angst will you be putting on yourself by ignoring her right now?
  
  
   
  
  
• Is there a middle step where you could answer her call and politely ask her if you could call her back next week?
  
  
• Are you ready to talk to her on Valentine's Day...on her terms???
  
  
• Do you think it is fair that you are putting a lot of hard work into
  NC
  and she is trying to steal your power over this day by forcing you to contact her?
  
  

 

I can't speak for you, but if my ex called me today, I would honestly want to speak to her so I would not play any games. I would return her call and no matter what her intentions were, I'd tell her that Valentine's Day is NOT the time to address any half-cooked emotions or feelings. If her intention was not to blow me away and ask for full-on reconcilliation, it could wait. I could not just ignore the call because I feel that would send the wrong message (that I was not strong enough to handle anything she threw my way). I would rather she hear the confidence and resolve in my voice than think I was so broken up that I could not pick up the phone.

 

If she was just fishing, I would be smart and strong enough not to let myself be played with on Valentine's Day. It is not fair (or too smart) to put so much effort and pain into putting someone out of your mind and then let them seek you out on such a potentially vulnerable day. This looks to me like a power play on her part where she wants to speak to you on her terms - do what you feel is right, but this one looks a little fishy (and needy on her part).

 

From your posts, it looks like you have put a LOT OF WORK and a big part of your heart into NC (even to the point where you were prepared to not contact/gift her on Valentine's Day) - that is a very powerful place to arrive at within yourself and I personally don't think it is fair for her to steal that from you.

 

Just remember that Valentine's Day is the NC Super Bowl - she may have already figured out that she was going to be ignored by you and this is her attempt to not let you exercise your power of NC on Val Day? If I sensed this was her only motive, I'd ask her to respect a little more time and call her next week when I WAS READY!

 

These are just thoughts running through my head today, you probably see the world differently than I do, but at least do the exercise in your mind to honestly ask yourself what are the benefits and/or dangers of each option.

 

Good luck and Happy Rubbi$h Day!

[jerbear]

My take she is lonely and wanted to get your attention for this weekend.

 

Now what do you want to to do? if you want her back then call her tomorrow just to make sure it is not a vday thing. If you don't want her back then just let it go.

 

good luck.

[tinktt]

Good for you for not picking up! you should be proud of yourself. you have reached a place where you are taking care of you. It is over and done. Move forward. You would only be doing yourself further harm to speak with her. I am going through what you are and I am holding my own. We are not together any more so there is no reason to talk. Nothing to talk about. I don't want to go back to the pain and I know that I will be better every day. Would you keep opening a scab to see yourself bleed? Keep to the NC. It is the best thing. Remember why you are not together and that will steel you.

[Roller EastCoaster]

Yeah very good advice all, I really appreciate it. Although I have to be honest.. I dont think that totally ignoring someone even when they are calling insistently is right. I think like Dfreeman was saying it shows that you are extremely hurt and disoriented from everything and cannot handle speaking to her. And thats not the case right now, and plus I am a bigger person. yes NC is very important and even despite their attempts to contact you sticking to NC probably has unparalleled results 2-3months down the road. But its very hard to outright ignore someone who is still very dear to me especially when they are repeatedly trying to get a hold of me... its almost as if I am playing games myself, tit for tat.

 

Dfreeman, thanks for that injection of insightful rationale. I think you are saying that basically I have to keep things on my terms NC or not. And that I really have to play out the results of each potential interaction or NON-interaction in my head thoroughly and then take action whether it be today or tomorrow. And on the same note show her some respect without sacrificing my own self-respect. Very good advice.. !