raluca Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 hi i have cheated and i feel so bad, i acted childish just to see if i can still be loved. my husband is handsome and has tons of girls around but i trust him, one time my mom saw him with one of them but i dont think he cheated its just that i got mad and something clicked. he is the love of my life, i am totaly sure about this. i want to make him children but don't know if i will still be able as i feel i betrayed him. do u think you can physically get pregnant afetr you cheated on your husband and its just you that you know it???i feel soooo guilty he is such a sweet man.i am so sooory i did it i am gonna be for the rest of my life.
Author raluca Posted February 14, 2008 Author Posted February 14, 2008 pls anyone that was in same situation and hapiply lived after and had even kids. my biggest desire is to offer him kids and be happy together. pls tell me there is hope
Cobra_X30 Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 pls anyone that was in same situation and hapiply lived after and had even kids. my biggest desire is to offer him kids and be happy together. pls tell me there is hope You probably need to tell him what happened.
whichwayisup Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 And maybe get some counselling for yourself..
Author raluca Posted February 14, 2008 Author Posted February 14, 2008 telling him is totaly out of question. it would break his heart as it breaks mine. its a thing of the past, besides he is gonna do it to just because i did it. we had these problems in the past, i don't know if he cheated though. strangely i trust him.
Ariadne Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 pls anyone that was in same situation and hapiply lived after and had even kids. my biggest desire is to offer him kids and be happy together. pls tell me there is hope If you have children with him you probably will divorce him. You don't love that guy.
curiousnycgirl Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 Can you physically have children after cheating, of course you can. However I agree with the other posters - you can't possibly love him if you cheated.
whichwayisup Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 telling him is totaly out of question. it would break his heart as it breaks mine. its a thing of the past, besides he is gonna do it to just because i did it. we had these problems in the past, i don't know if he cheated though. strangely i trust him. Well, it's too bad you didn't think of this stuff before cheating....I mean, what did cheating actually do for you? Sorry to sound harsh, but how long can you feel guilty and hide how you feel from your husband? You two need counselling because there obviously is a big trust problem in your marriage. If you suspect he's cheated in the past, how could trust him? What sort of problems did you have in the past? If you want more help, you need to share abit more details of the dynamtic between you and your H.
Author raluca Posted February 14, 2008 Author Posted February 14, 2008 Well, it's too bad you didn't think of this stuff before cheating....I mean, what did cheating actually do for you? Sorry to sound harsh, but how long can you feel guilty and hide how you feel from your husband? You two need counselling because there obviously is a big trust problem in your marriage. If you suspect he's cheated in the past, how could trust him? What sort of problems did you have in the past? If you want more help, you need to share abit more details of the dynamtic between you and your H.cheating did nothelp me in any way just gave me the illusion of being loved, it was in a time when i went back to europe my husband was here so i got drunk and there was this guy who was a total jerk who knew that i was married. i am an insecure person so i get very excited when a nice guy says i am attactive cos my husband lately doesn't tell me these.i dont take it as an excuse, it was just the thought that this person loves me, wow...lately it came out he was only using me.my husband and i have been together for 10 years and married since last year only. he is childish too he also likes to have girls around him.i dont have any evidence he cheated on me and i trust him he didnt. i admit as a person he is more attractive, i was doing it just to prove that i am better than he is, i guess....now, i feel lost and terrible. i truly love him
whichwayisup Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 You need counselling to help you get your self esteem back, self confidence. If you don't have it, NO man will be able to make you feel happy and secure. I mean, you allowed a JERK to make you feel good about yourself - Yet you can't talk to your husband meeting your needs? Communication is so important in a marriage! i admit as a person he is more attractive, i was doing it just to prove that i am better than he is, i guess....now, i feel lost and terrible. i truly love him This is pretty messed up thinking, so please get some counselling. I'm not kidding! Marriage isn't a game, let alone trying to one - up your spouse is very immature. 10 years of marriage you shouldn't be feeling insecure, unloved and needing the attention of other men. TALK TO YOUR HUSBAND, sort this out, because if you don't, your marriage WILL go down the tubes..
Author raluca Posted February 14, 2008 Author Posted February 14, 2008 u mean i have to admit i cheated???no way, it was just a stoopid act. we have talked since cos lately i have been gelous on him(i believe projecting my behavior) and we agreed to stop these. i guess i wanted to make him gealous and i have told him that when i was home there was a guy that liked me. its all childish, i know we both have to change, we grew up together we've been together since we were 18 in 10 years we didnt have these problems till 1 year ago when i got gealus on him and something clicked. we were not married and i was afraind he was gonna leave me for a younger one, so i started looking for people to tell me i am loveable. i am the first one for him, and i was so trusting his love, i was a jerk but an insecure one, now i know it was my fault.what hurts me most is that i want to give him children and i cant. its hardddd.....
JustBreathe Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 You sound really unhappy with your marriage. Even if you love him, you still have needs and one of them is a need to trust who you are with. This trust will not grow after you have children. You will not like his having girls around him when the kids are demanding all your time so that you have less time to devote to your husband. Think about whether this is a good time to have children. Perhaps you should resolve the bad things in your marriage first. Many times we women have kids thinking it will solidify the relationship, however, quite often, what happens is the reverse and the marital problems are exacerbated.
Arch Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 If you don't admit you cheated then everything from this point on will be built on a lie, to correct a problem you need to admit that one is there. If you cant trust your husband then you should not be married. If I was ever cheated on I personally would say the relationship is done. The only basis to judge peoples future actions is there previous actions. But hopefully your husband will not have my attitude.
BetrayedMM Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 If you really want to lose your husband, just keep your secret. He'll find out on his own eventually, then think back on all your lies and connivances. THAT will end the marriage. If you come clean, there is a good chance that he'll try to work things out. Or, not. But, at least there's a chance. Cheating has nothing to do with fertility, unless you have contracted an STD and not sought treatment. If you could get pregnant before cheating, you still can. Provided your reproductive tract isn't rotten with disease. You sound all too much like my STBXW. If you don't have the courage to face what you've done, do your husband a favor and divorce him, set him free so he can find someone with the strength to be a wife, don't just hang around and stomp him into the ground with your fear of intimacy and low self esteem leading you thru affair after affair. Sorry if I sound harsh, but the way you are handling this (avoiding the issue) will only cause the problem to fester.
Mickle Posted February 17, 2008 Posted February 17, 2008 pls anyone that was in same situation and hapiply lived after and had even kids. my biggest desire is to offer him kids and be happy together. pls tell me there is hope My wife cheated on me many years ago, It started as a one night stand and continued for one further times, she realised she was an Idiot and she broke it off. I suspected but had no proof until she broke down one night and confessed. Tears the whole ball game, packing her bag to leave because she knew I would never forgive her and would want a divorce. How wrong she was!! Yes I was upset and hurt for me but more annoyed that she had stupidly allowed her drunken passion to take control of her like a love struck teenager. We talked, I wasn't there when she needed me, I was working away and she went out with her mates for the evening. I feel I contributed unknowingly to what happens. We have talked, and talked, and talked, cuddled, made love and now have two children who were not planned and came along in their own good time naturally Now we make a point of going out at least once a fortnight together, every so often she goes out with her mates. 15 years later She is an Excellent Wife, Great Mother and still a good lover. We talk about anything and everything. Everyone makes stupid mistakes in life but some of the consequences last longer than the mistakes I could have lost my best mate in life, my confident and my sounding board If I had acted different. The Man above must have been guiding me at the time. My motto always forgive but find out why.
Blaze973 Posted February 19, 2008 Posted February 19, 2008 Well looks like you got yourself in quite a pickle. Personally I have no remorse for cheaters. Especially ones that took vows. In my opinion either you break up with him or you tell him the truth and work it out from there. You are not worthy of this mans presense by your past actions regardless of why you chose to cheat on him. I am sure I do not need to tell you that. I wish you the best of luck with everything.
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