Can't Do This Anymore.

[Mr. Lucky]

You are giving her a lot of power.

That statement stands out to me for its raw truth. Headed down the road you're proposing, you're giving her permission to continue to mess with your head. She acts, you react. It's a cliche, but until you let go, she's still got you...

 

Mr. Lucky

[JustBreathe]

Yeah. Haven't you wasted enough of your life on her?

[eastcoastMan]

If you become violent people who you think are on your side will turn against you. Friends, family, co-workers...Then as you sit in jail or spend your days in and out of court you'll think "what the hell was I thinking?!?" but it'll be too late. People will not feel sorry for you. I know it's tough but as each day passes it WILL GET BETTER. You're not the only one in here who has gone through this.Take a breath and relax. Good luck my friend.

[justice]

I never really thought about that to any great depth, thank you.

 

If you did that, it would be like going down to their level.

It would mean that they got the better of you and it would look terrible in court. I know that sounds lame and I'm sorry for the way that you've been treated.

 

I felt like you at one time also. It's like "Get over it, WTF?" So yeah I know what you are going through.

Remember Sweetie, "Success is the best revenge."

 

Please don't give them the fricken ammunition to blow you away. Use your brain, figure out something other than what you really feel like doing.

[TMCM]

I'm sorry if I sound harsh or insensitive but

we live in an unjust world, what makes you so special to be spared some of it's injustices?

Edited February 15, 2008 by TMCM

[ARDriver01]

I didn't do it alright. I took three Klonopin and by the time I got home from work I was to out of it to feel much of anything. I guess medication does help to some extent.

 

It's scary, what would I do without it? It sucks that I need to take pills.

I think I might go back to church on Sunday. That'll probably help me.

 

I really don't like being this angry. Something will trigger it and it sucks me in like an undertoe. I have no control over my thoughts and the rest of the time I'm just barely hanging on.

[Kasan]

I didn't do it alright. I took three Klonopin and by the time I got home from work I was to out of it to feel much of anything. I guess medication does help to some extent.

 

It's scary, what would I do without it? It sucks that I need to take pills.

I think I might go back to church on Sunday. That'll probably help me.

 

I really don't like being this angry. Something will trigger it and it sucks me in like an undertoe. I have no control over my thoughts and the rest of the time I'm just barely hanging on.

 

I really don't have any profound words of wisdom other than I am very sorry that you are hurting so much and very happy that you recognize and don't like being this angry.

 

I am equally glad that you didn't start your morning off looking through a set of bars next to good "ole bubba". Okay, maybe a slight exaggeration.

 

Please take me up on my offer to pm me if you ever feel like you need to talk.

 

 

Stay strong!

[blind_otter]

I didn't do it alright. I took three Klonopin and by the time I got home from work I was to out of it to feel much of anything. I guess medication does help to some extent.

 

It's scary, what would I do without it? It sucks that I need to take pills.

I think I might go back to church on Sunday. That'll probably help me.

 

I really don't like being this angry. Something will trigger it and it sucks me in like an undertoe. I have no control over my thoughts and the rest of the time I'm just barely hanging on.

 

Thank God.

 

I just wanted to say - I had a huge amount of rage after I was raped the second time, when I was 19. It wasn't just that I had been victimized - but that it was the third time in my life that the same thing had happened. I was so angry with the world that was so unfair to me.

 

A book I read really helped me. It's called "Anger: Wisdom for Cooling the Flames" by Thich Nhat Hanh.

 

Just a thought.

[whichwayisup]

The meds will help control the bad thoughts, but have you thought about counselling, to help you cope and deal with what's been going on in your life?

[JustBreathe]

Counseling would be a good idea like WWIU says. Some things hurt too deeply to get through them by yourself. Glad you got through yesterday okay. I know you feel like you will never get over it, like you'll never feel good again, but one day you will. Even the greatest strongest love fades away if you don't nourish it. Some people can't feel love like we can. They don't run that deep.

[twice_shy]

Hey, it's me again... I really haven't been doing too well. They got me on some medicine now but it doesn't really help. I'm still so pissed off. (understatement). The concept of consequences is becoming more blury day after day. My nightmares are turning into blueprints. I think I might actually do something to them very soon.

 

You know your doctors and friends and family tell you to forget about it. Let them eff thier lives up, it won't work out between them anyway, you're above all that etc... etc... What it really comes down to, is, two people have used the ever living sh** out of me for thier excitement.

 

The woman that was supposed to be there for me threw me out like garbage, and then took my car, this punk ass guy effed my wife and then laughed at me on the phone when I confronted him like it's a joke. I guess he doesn't know that more than 50% of all gun violence in this country is over infidelity of some sort.

 

What they did was dehumanizing to say the very least, and I'm not/no, I can't sit back and pretend that I'm getting back at them by living my bland and lonely life.

 

I'm going over to his dad's house (cuz he doesn't have a place of his own) tonight with a bottle of champagne and some Valentines Day candy, and I'm going to trash the place and send one of them to the hospital. I can't do this anymore. It's bullsh** "Get over it, forget about it" Yeah Fu**ing Right. That's such sh** advice.

 

Dude, I know you are hurting. You are not alone. Its happened to the best of us.

 

I'm not going to tell you to to simply get over it because it doesn't work that way.

 

What I can tell you, and you need to trust me on this, is that you are better off without that wench. Seriously!! I had some of the same emotions you had when this all happened. But then I realized, "she's a real wh0re, why do i really care at all?"

 

And when I looked at it like that, I didn't care anymore. Sure I get pissed off at her because I still have to deal with her because of the kids, but I don't communicate with her any more than I have to. And I now realize that she is someone elses problem.

 

Man, I know it hurts, but look at it like this, she is a worthless piece of s##t. And you don't need a worthless piece of s##t, and you deserve better.

 

There is someone out there for ya, just don't go off on the deep end, okay?

[twice_shy]

It's a first offense. I wont do any jail time. Why can't we retaliate? They got what they wanted at my expense and I'm supposed to recover?

 

 

Oh trust me my man. Just like in my situation. They got what they want now, but you just wait til the honeymoon is over. They'll be cheating on each other and then you just watch the sparks fly. Cheaters never stay happy for long. They get bored too easily with the person they are with and soon look to cheat again.

 

Be glad you are rid of her. go out and celebrate your new found freedom and maybe ask a few girls out!!

[LakesideDream]

ARDriver, I understand each of your feelings, I understand your emotion. I lived it seven, almost eight years ago now. The differences is driver, I'm older, and have "been in the s**t", I understand violence up close and personal.

 

When my ex wife (of 25 years) did to me what yours did to you, I had a much different reaction. My most feverant hope was that her and her "new man" would live comfortably, and in good health. Why? Because I knew that if something bad happened to one or both of them, that I would be the first suspect.

 

Doing violence against either of them wasn't as important to me as an hour of peace or a good meal.

[sally4sara]

To the OP:

 

I read some of your past posts. Your wife had an entire list of horrible qualities and only one semi-good one. She was beautiful. So what; that is fleeting and something she possessed without earning.

You have many posts about how bad she was and how you wanted out. You even got away from her at one point. You knew this relationship was bad for you.

So why are you so mad now? Besides her taking the car (which sounded like a decent price for getting rid of the banshee), how would you be better off if she had stuck around? This guy did you a favor. He may have laughed at you on the phone, but soon enough he won't be laughing. And then you can laugh all you want knowing your big problem (your wife) is now someone else's head and heart ache.

Stick with your counseling. It will get better. You've just been living in hell for so long you don't know how to not be miserable yet. Start taking notice of the stupidity you use to deal with and its absence in your everyday. No more hearing her drunkenly rant at you. No more living in filth. No more having to do everything for someone else while trying to get some of your own needs met. No more wondering who she is messing with or hearing about how its all your fault.

You lost a lot, but none of it was anything worth keeping.

[Mz. Pixie]

I'm sorry if I sound harsh or insensitive but

we live in an unjust world, what makes you so special to be spared some of it's injustices?

 

Exactly! Thank you for posting what I wanted to say!

 

We've all been hurt. Everyone in one way or another. What gives you the right to try to hurt these people physically or take their lives???

 

Respectfully, and I apologize is this sounds harsh- but there are other people in the world who have had worse happen to them and still survived and thrived. Plenty of people.

 

Seriously, I think you need to check yourself into the hospital. You're in crisis. Please go to the nearest mental hospital before you do something that ruins your life.

[Mz. Pixie]

Thank God.

 

I just wanted to say - I had a huge amount of rage after I was raped the second time, when I was 19. It wasn't just that I had been victimized - but that it was the third time in my life that the same thing had happened. I was so angry with the world that was so unfair to me.

 

A book I read really helped me. It's called "Anger: Wisdom for Cooling the Flames" by Thich Nhat Hanh.

 

Just a thought.

 

Yes, thank God you didn't go. Bo is giving you great insight here.

I had not read all of the posts before I made my earlier post.

 

People here are trying to reach out to you and help you,

 

I am terribly sad for your pain and I understand it. I was abused when I grew up- every type of possible abuse you can imagine. I had incredible anger towards my abusers. I can absolutely relate to this level of pain. This level of hurt.

 

The best revenge is actually living your life and enjoying it to the fullest. In my sitch holding on to the anger meant I was giving power to those people. They probably weren't thinking one damn about what they'd done to me and how they had almost ruined my life. They probably didn't ever think about it yet here I was giving them power over my life.

 

And above all, I didn't want to continue to give them power over my life.

 

Did that mean it didn't still hurt? Of course not. Did that mean that it was fair??? Of course not. But I refused to let them continue to hurt me and rent space in my head.

 

Go to the local children's cancer ward and take a look at those innocent lives who may end up losing their battle against cancer. Fair?? Nope. Try working at a homeless shelter where the people are so much less fortunate than you are. Try visiting some elderly people at the nearest nursing home- the one's where their family never visits them. Fair? Nope. But unfortunately life isn't fair.

 

You're relatively young if I remember?? One day, when you meet the right person, you'll look back and this will only be a speck on your radar screen. Really. Life has so much more great things in store for you but you have to let go of this anger first to receive them!

 

If you get to the point where you feel violent against them again please do go to the nearest hospital and get some inpatient help. I seriously think you could benefit from that, and give yourself a cooling off period.

[mopar crazy]

AR, I hope you are doing better. I understand the anger you are feeling but plz don't do anything you will regret later. Neither one of them are worth it.

When my H had an A several years ago I wanted to beat the total ***** out of the OW but I knew it wouldn't solve anything and would just make matters worse.

 

I hope you are seeking IC to get help w/ everything you are going through.

[ARDriver01]

Wow, after this last rage episode, I think I've completely checked out. I feel kind of like a ghost. Like, I walk and talk, I go to work and stuff, but I feel like I'm not here. My boss kinda layed into me about ordering some tools and his voice was kinda escalating and I was like "yeah, okay, I'll get on that".

 

I don't know man, something weird is going on in my brain. Somethings not working right. Maybe sometimes I imagine that if I was to do something potentially stupid and violent against these two, it'll relieve the pent up stress and I'll be able to think normally. Does that make sense?

 

It think the worst is knowing that I can't do anything, and therefore wont do anything and I have no choice but to feel like this for as long as it takes to feel otherwise.

[Kasan]

I don't know man, something weird is going on in my brain. Somethings not working right. Maybe sometimes I imagine that if I was to do something potentially stupid and violent against these two, it'll relieve the pent up stress and I'll be able to think normally. Does that make sense?

 

It think the worst is knowing that I can't do anything, and therefore wont do anything and I have no choice but to feel like this for as long as it takes to feel otherwise.

 

Have you touched base with your doctors? You're on some new medication right? The new medication could be contributing to the "weirdness in your brain".

 

I would call them.

[whichwayisup]

Yes, you could be on the wrong type of meds right now and that's fueling your negative thoughts even more. Seriously, if you start to really feel violent and angry, get help now, see your Dr, even call 911 or go to the closest ER where you live. Better safe than sorry...

[ARDriver01]

I'm seeing my doctor tomorrow. I'll be fine till then. They put me on Paxil and Klonopin. It's such a low dose though, I really don't think it's contributing to much of anything.

[blind_otter]

I'm seeing my doctor tomorrow. I'll be fine till then. They put me on Paxil and Klonopin. It's such a low dose though, I really don't think it's contributing to much of anything.

 

Please let your doctor know about the violent impulses. Paxil can cause unexplained violent behavior in some patients, and a different anti-d may be in order.

 

http://abclocal.go.com/wls/story?section=healthfirst&id=45

[dbtmarley]

Dude, I know you are hurting. You are not alone. Its happened to the best of us.

 

 

ARD,

 

The statement above says a lot.

 

 

It's happend to the best looking.

 

It's happend to the nicest.

 

It's happend to those with lots of money

 

It's happend to the smartest.

 

It's happend.... Do you get my drift?

 

Hang in there man. You can get through this, unfortunately it comes with pain and time.

 

 

Good luck,

 

T

[twice_shy]

ARD,

 

The statement above says a lot.

 

 

It's happend to the best looking.

 

It's happend to the nicest.

 

It's happend to those with lots of money

 

It's happend to the smartest.

 

It's happend.... Do you get my drift?

 

Hang in there man. You can get through this, unfortunately it comes with pain and time.

 

 

Good luck,

 

T

 

Well said. And might I add, a new main squeeze, and a loving woman at that, will make you forget all about the tramp that set you free.

 

Cuz thats what she did man, she set you free. She is a tramp, so why would you want that nasty piece?

 

You really should be looking at it from this angle, you didn't have to go through some nasty divorce with children involved, like I did, and now the world is your oyster! So go out and shuck it!

[Darth Vader]

I'm seeing my doctor tomorrow. I'll be fine till then. They put me on Paxil and Klonopin. It's such a low dose though, I really don't think it's contributing to much of anything.

 

 

Does your boss know what's been happening in your life, about the mads you're on? Have you considered calmly informing this kid's father over the phone(without profanity) about his sons' actions with your wife/exwife? Let his father deal with the situation.