ARDriver01 Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 Hey, it's me again... I really haven't been doing too well. They got me on some medicine now but it doesn't really help. I'm still so pissed off. (understatement). The concept of consequences is becoming more blury day after day. My nightmares are turning into blueprints. I think I might actually do something to them very soon. You know your doctors and friends and family tell you to forget about it. Let them eff thier lives up, it won't work out between them anyway, you're above all that etc... etc... What it really comes down to, is, two people have used the ever living sh** out of me for thier excitement. The woman that was supposed to be there for me threw me out like garbage, and then took my car, this punk ass guy effed my wife and then laughed at me on the phone when I confronted him like it's a joke. I guess he doesn't know that more than 50% of all gun violence in this country is over infidelity of some sort. What they did was dehumanizing to say the very least, and I'm not/no, I can't sit back and pretend that I'm getting back at them by living my bland and lonely life. I'm going over to his dad's house (cuz he doesn't have a place of his own) tonight with a bottle of champagne and some Valentines Day candy, and I'm going to trash the place and send one of them to the hospital. I can't do this anymore. It's bullsh** "Get over it, forget about it" Yeah Fu**ing Right. That's such sh** advice.
ElvenPriestess Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 And when you're charged with assault and battery? Then what? You would be doing more harm than good I hope you realize.
blind_otter Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 Violence is not the answer. No one is worth going to jail for. No offense but a lot of people get ****ted on a pretty regular basis. You have to man up and deal with it like an adult. It sucks. It hurts. It's totally screwed up - but life is like that sometimes and we just have to accept that sometimes things that are beyond our control happen. You CAN do it. You are just, right now, choosing not to. It's up to you to find that iron core inside of you. Dig deep, be strong. Do right.
lost4ever Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 hey, Rough day huh? What you plan on doing is not going to stop your pain. You will feel worse. Take a deep breath and think, think about what you want out of life and how you can get it....and keep posting here
Lyssa Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 I'm going over to his dad's house (cuz he doesn't have a place of his own) tonight with a bottle of champagne and some Valentines Day candy, and I'm going to trash the place and send one of them to the hospital. I can't do this anymore. It's bullsh** "Get over it, forget about it" Yeah Fu**ing Right. That's such sh** advice. Why are you blowing off your money on champagne and candies then trash it around? Isn't that a lot of waste - not just money, time but of energy too? EP is right - what next after the charges?
Kasan Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 I'm going over to his dad's house (cuz he doesn't have a place of his own) tonight with a bottle of champagne and some Valentines Day candy, and I'm going to trash the place and send one of them to the hospital. I can't do this anymore. It's bullsh** "Get over it, forget about it" Yeah Fu**ing Right. That's such sh** advice. I don't think people are really saying this--I think they realize how angry you are and are trying to diffuse the situation, just like I will try to do. I get how angry you truly are--you have been very verbal in your postings here at LS. She did you wrong--no doubt about it! You know that she is sick--bipolar and has some addiction problems. AR--in some ways you are so much better off than her. You are a nice guy, and you will get over her, and move forward with your life, but I expect it will be more difficult to do if you are spending time in a county jail for vandalism and/or assault. Rant and rave, rage against the world, but don't do anything to compromise the bright future that I see for you on the horizon. Kay?
Author ARDriver01 Posted February 14, 2008 Author Posted February 14, 2008 It's a first offense. I wont do any jail time. Why can't we retaliate? They got what they wanted at my expense and I'm supposed to recover? I'm not okay, I live in daily hell because of them. Why shouldn't I fu** em up? I owe it to myself to make a stand. If I don't get slightly physical now, I might just shoot them both later as I get worse, day by day. Then it's murder.
Kasan Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 It's a first offense. I wont do any jail time. Why can't we retaliate? They got what they wanted at my expense and I'm supposed to recover? I'm not okay, I live in daily hell because of them. Why shouldn't I fu** em up? I owe it to myself to make a stand. If I don't get slightly physical now, I might just shoot them both later as I get worse, day by day. Then it's murder. You are really treading on dangerous ground here my friend. I won't even discuss with you all the things that could go wrong in your quest for vengeance. Go to the gym and hit the heavy bag.
whichwayisup Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 Because as much as you want them to hurt like you are, they aren't doing anything illegal. You wanting to cause them harm in the way you're thinking right now IS illegal and honestly, you may feel good for afew minutes, but it will only hurt you more. The thoughts you are having now could be depression and the anger is out of control. You need to call your therapist and go talk this out otherwise you might make a big mistake, crime of passion - And end up in jail for a long time............ I am sorry you're hurting so badly, but right now if you don't stop and think, get professional help, you will end up worse than where you are now. AR, take care of you.
blind_otter Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 It's a first offense. I wont do any jail time. Why can't we retaliate? They got what they wanted at my expense and I'm supposed to recover? I'm not okay, I live in daily hell because of them. Why shouldn't I fu** em up? I owe it to myself to make a stand. If I don't get slightly physical now, I might just shoot them both later as I get worse, day by day. Then it's murder. Actually aggravated assault is a felony offense.
dbtmarley Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 It's a first offense I understand, but when you do things that are irrational there are no guarantees. Anything can happen... His dad could very well come out and blow you away. Then your life is over. You think it's over now, but that's because of the pain of the whole matter. You are giving her a lot of power. You need to get a grip. I have been in your shoes before and it will pass, but it takes time. It's Valentine's Day and I am sure that does not help any. Listen man, you are pissed right now and rightfully so. That is OK. It's not OK to go out and do something and potentially screw up your life, she's not worth it.
Author ARDriver01 Posted February 14, 2008 Author Posted February 14, 2008 Go to the gym and hit the heavy bag. I've done that, I've even wasted a hundred dollars of buckshot, 9mm, 380, 357 out in the hills armed to the teeth. I thought it might help but, the reallity is that it's rage being expelled in the WRONG direction. It needs to be aimed at them.
BeenThere69 Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]I’ve been lurking on these boards for years now, but I’ve never posted. I always managed to get the support I needed from everyone else’s stories. But your post made me sign up just so that I can send you a reply.[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman]I was in a similar situation. I wasn’t married, but I was in a long-term committed relationship for 4 years. One day, he decided he was interested in someone else, and off he went. It almost drove me insane to think that he could just up and leave and have his happy little life with his little tramp, while I was left to pick up the pieces of my shattered heart. To say I was devastated would be an understatement. [/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]I understand your desire for vengeance. I felt the same way. I had a plan – I was going to throw a Malatov cocktail through his car window (actually, MY car). There were many valid reasons not to do it, all of which have been well-stated here already. Since I was clearly out of my mind, valid reasons were ineffectual. But there was one thing that did make me change my mind. I realized it would have made him and his little tramp the victims!! Everyone would have said “Oh well now we know why he left her. She was crazy! What a psycho!” They would have wound up being the tragic lovers of all time, right after Romeo & Juliet. No way in hell was I going to write the most compelling chapter to the story of their love (yech!)[/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman]This happened to me a decade ago. I am now in the most satisfying, healthy, amazing relationship anyone could ever imagine, and have been for 5 years. I’ve come to realize that going through that hell was what got me to where I am now. I would never have left that guy, and the truth is – he was a total loser! Worse yet, I would have missed out on the amazing man I’m with now. [/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman]And my old flame? Last I heard, he’s living in a trailer park in a little town in a depressed area of my state. Don’t know if the tramp is still with him or not, and guess what? I really don’t care. This is what they mean when they say the best revenge is living well. It’s true, but it takes a long time to get there. [/FONT][/sIZE] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [sIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman]I hope that you will at least consider what everyone here is trying to tell you. What you’re considering isn’t the answer. They both will get theirs, and when you hear about it (because you will hear about it), pop open that bottle of champagne with the woman you’ll be with then (the woman who deserves you) and enjoy a nice long laugh at their expense!! [/FONT][/sIZE]
Kasan Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 I've done that, I've even wasted a hundred dollars of buckshot, 9mm, 380, 357 out in the hills armed to the teeth. I thought it might help but, the reallity is that it's rage being expelled in the WRONG direction. It needs to be aimed at them. See, this is why I am afraid for you--with all your pent up anger, and hatred, I'm afraid that you will go to far and kill one of them. Would you have the self-control that you would need to stop short of committing murder? Why even put your control to the test? You have nothing to gain, and everything to lose. Come on, you are too smart for this-- How is your grandmother and how is school going for you?
whichwayisup Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 Welcome to LS BT69 and I am glad to hear your life is better and you are happy! AD, this poster has given you some wonderful and wise advice, sharing her situation. Please, don't do something that you'll regret and something that could affect the rest of your life. You're on a VERY dangerous path right now so please, seek counselling to help you deal with your hurt and anger! the reallity is that it's rage being expelled in the WRONG direction. It needs to be aimed at them. No, it doesn't. GET COUNSELLING now. Please.
blind_otter Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 I've done that, I've even wasted a hundred dollars of buckshot, 9mm, 380, 357 out in the hills armed to the teeth. I thought it might help but, the reallity is that it's rage being expelled in the WRONG direction. It needs to be aimed at them. You're sick. Get help. You're so caught up in your selfish depressive spiral that you can't even see reality any more.
ElvenPriestess Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 I understand that right now the emotions are overwhelming. They feel like they are all that matter. But if you act on them you will be filled with nothing but regret. You MUST be stronger. No person is worth messing up what you've accomplished over.
Kasan Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 AR-- I recommend that you call your doctors immediately--you admit that what you are on isn't working, please let them know this. Please feel free to pm if I can help.
blind_otter Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 Certain antidepressants (prozac, celexa, paxil) can trigger violent behavior and suicide. http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/51685.php CAll your doctor ASAP and let them know what is happening before you end up in prison. As if being a first time offender helps when you kill someone....
ElvenPriestess Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 BO is right OP. You have to get help, be surrounded by people who can help you set things straight. As was said before, PM is always an option. Message us, we're here for you. Anything that will help you not make the mistake you don't even realize you're making.
Author ARDriver01 Posted February 14, 2008 Author Posted February 14, 2008 I realized it would have made him and his little tramp the victims!! Everyone would have said “Oh well now we know why he left her. She was crazy! What a psycho!” They would have wound up being the tragic lovers of all time, right after Romeo & Juliet. No way in hell was I going to write the most compelling chapter to the story of their love (yech!) I never really thought about that to any great depth, thank you.
BetrayedMM Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 (edited) I have heard that certain anti-depressants like Prozac and Welbutrin can have side effects of rage and irritability. If that's what's going on, they'll do you more harm than good. Edit- didn't see Blind Otter's post. OOPS! Listen, don't do anything violent. You will only cause more problems for yourself, and frankly, they both sound like they're not worth it. Edited February 14, 2008 by BetrayedMM
Jess-Belle Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 Hey, it's me again... I really haven't been doing too well. They got me on some medicine now but it doesn't really help. I'm still so pissed off. (understatement). The concept of consequences is becoming more blury day after day. My nightmares are turning into blueprints. I think I might actually do something to them very soon. ARDriver, this is my first post on this site and I don't know your story, but I wanted to write to you to tell you that I can relate. I am currently in individual counseling for my rage. I hate living like this. I hate it more than anything. There was a long time I couldn't help my thoughts from drifting into vivid murder fantasies. Eventually I had to force myself to stop because it only frustrated me to no end that I knew that I could not allow myself to do it. I would form mental blueprints too. I would carefully formulate what would look premeditated, etc. Finally one day, as I was journaling and my thoughts were flowing, I wrote something that led me to a massive realization. I wrote that killing her once would not be enough... I would want to kill her again, and again, and again, in every way that I could imagine. That was the extent of my all-consuming rage. It made me realize that doing something like that would not help in the least. The person would be gone, and I'd still be here, living through a nightmare, consumed in my own fury and misery. Some time down the road, when I began to have fleeting moments of normality again, I began to remember all the little things I loved, the things I loved to do. Things I thought I would never feel again. And I realized then how all of that would be taken away if I was sitting in a jail cell. And it would have been all because of this person that I hated enough to kill. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that maybe, your anger is intensified by the feeling that no one on this earth could possibly know what it's like to feel like you're feeling. I know that was part of it for me. It still is. But reading your post, I felt that there was someone out there, who could feel MY pain. And that felt pretty good. It made me feel much less lonely. I hope that knowing that I'm going through the same process helps you feel less alone too. It would really benefit you to go see a therapist. Try to find one that specializes in anger management (as mine does). At my last appointment my therapist told me there are ways to let the rage out in a non-destructive manner. I will find out next week I guess. I'm extremely curious how it will be done, because I just find myself, how can one carefully detonate a nuclear blast? Take care.
JustBreathe Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 Oh yeah. Believe it. They will TOTALLY call you a psycho. I recall hearing about a woman who was so depressed that her H left her for another woman, she drove to their garage and killed herself. Do you know that is EXACTLY what they said about her "Oh well. She was obviously mentally ill to start with." They will laugh at you. Call you deranged. You will only succeed in their futher making an ASS out of you in their minds. It is true, believe it AR, the best revenge is being a better kind of people than they are (it won't be hard!). Lifting your head up high and never EVER letting them know they hurt you. Like they are worthless, NOT WORTH thinking about and absolutely nothing to you. No bearing on your life whatsoever. Because they ARE worthless and nothing and truly not worth debasing yourself. Why not get dressed, put on some nice cologne, and get out and find you a nice friendly lady or another lonely fella to talk to? If I WEREN'T fricken married and unable to cross that line, you best believe I'd be out there looking for a friend tonight. I am so wanting this day to be over. Take that box of candy with you should you find someone to share it with, although I wouldn't recommend the wine as it might exacerbate your bad mood and defeat the purpose. Sending positive thoughts to you on Valentines Day. Editing to add: No drinking tonight.
Nomad1 Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 They are not doing anything to you. Let them get on with it. Keep away from them. Be strong, you know you can. If you want to piss her off, be indifferent. She still has power over you. Let it go man, for your own sanity. Is she worth your freedom? Close your eyes and imagine what you said you wanted to do to them. Feel the rage and hurt. Now, imagine you took away their lives, how would you feel? `imagine the consequences. The police arrive. They handcuff you and take you to jail. You are inside a cell now. You have calmed down and you feel the loneliness, the guilt, the fear. Life in prison. So many missed opportunities! They don't feel anything, they're gone! Is that what you want? Live well, be the best. They won't last because relationships which start with betrayal rarely ever do! Take care my man. Nomad1
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