peace_pipe Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 Any of you that have read my recent posts knows what my situation is about. To sum it up, I've been dating a girl with a boyfriend in jail. Illegal immagrant, convicted coke dealer, scheduled to be deported, 2 children in Mexico... Well shame on me but I thought i could show her something different. I didn't go into it head first, I was very stand-offish for a long time. She persued me, eventually I opened up. We've been having sex for 4 months. We did all the things a couple would do, hold hands, exchange gifts, go out for dinner, meet friends. We split up at my request a few weeks ago. Then we had a long talk, where I felt we conquered a lot of ground. What she was saying to me during this convinced me to go another round. Fast forward two weeks... We've been doing our thing again and all of a sudden she gets distant. I got arrested after taking her to work (she has no car). I had an unpaid speeding ticket... dumb, i know. Well she didn't seem to want to help me out at all. She got real distant. I bailed myself out of jail... but I was hoping she would drive my car - to give me a ride to work until i get this sorted. Hell no... she kept claiming nothing was wrong.... Then WHAM!! She wants her ex in jail again.... said she NEVER cared about me. So I called her out on the sex, stringing me along, wished her a happy life with a loser and now I am a "DICKHEAD". I've held it in long enough, and telling that you never cared about someone is about the worst thing you could say to a person. The saddest part is the few girls that I have opened up to always do this...
StartingOver07 Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 I'm sorry to hear this Peace_pipe. I think you saw it coming though, no? Take some time to heal and then maybe take some time to figure out why you are drawn to women who gut you after you open up to them.
Woggle Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 Consider yourself lucky to have her out of your life. No big loss on your part. She deserves everything she is going to get with the jerk she ditched you for.
Florida Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 I've held it in long enough, and telling that you never cared about someone is about the worst thing you could say to a person. The saddest part is the few girls that I have opened up to always do this... Peace pipe, although you briefly mentioned you were hesitant, this list: boyfriend in jail, convicted coke dealer, scheduled to be deported, 2 children in Mexico. does not surprise me that it ended up with her being hurtful and damaging to you. You seem like you have your head on straight, I don't get it. I just blank out after the second line starting with convicted coke dealer, why wouldn't you too?
Woggle Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 Stop trying to be a knight in shining armor and start looking for women who already have their head screwed on straight. Dating a gangster's girlfriend will bring you nothing but drama.
Author peace_pipe Posted February 14, 2008 Author Posted February 14, 2008 I just blank out after the second line starting with convicted coke dealer, why wouldn't you too? I did. I honestly did. And she kept coming on like a freight train... That part of me that believes in people and in love told me to give it a chance. I'm a risk taker, I feel like love is a risk no matter what. I got burned... I can't believe there are people out there who would do this and feel NOTHING.
StartingOver07 Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 I did. I honestly did. And she kept coming on like a freight train... That part of me that believes in people and in love told me to give it a chance. I'm a risk taker, I feel like love is a risk no matter what. I got burned... I can't believe there are people out there who would do this and feel NOTHING. I don't think it is necessarily a case of feeling nothing, but of not knowing what she feels. Sort of like when you mix too many colors together -- you end up with brown sludge and can no longer see the shades of red and blue, etc, that went into the making.
Author peace_pipe Posted February 14, 2008 Author Posted February 14, 2008 Stop trying to be a knight in shining armor and start looking for women who already have their head screwed on straight. Dating a gangster's girlfriend will bring you nothing but drama. I know... thanks Woggle. I've dated many women in the last few years and they all seem to have some sort of baggage that sabotages the relationship. Like this girl and her baggage... but she had a choice to eliminate it from her life... I gave her the chance to do so and it failed. I don't know what my "issue" is with meeting these types. I wish I knew myself.
Author peace_pipe Posted February 14, 2008 Author Posted February 14, 2008 I don't think it is necessarily a case of feeling nothing, but of not knowing what she feels. Sort of like when you mix too many colors together -- you end up with brown sludge and can no longer see the shades of red and blue, etc, that went into the making. And they way to deal with it is call me a DICK? Write it off on me? I stand up for myself, put her issues in her face and I am a DICK. I think a thank you would be more appropriate. I don't know a lot of guys that would even care enough... If I think her ex is a loser, I am judgemental... I don't like the word "loser" too much myself. There is nothing logical about it. Thanks...
Woggle Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 Maybe you are hanging out in the wrong circles. The way I see it is that women who constantly go through drama do something to put themselves there. They willingly jump into it and that is a red flag. The same can be said for men too. If you met a woman with a good head on her shoulders that could actually appreciate being treated well would you be able to handle it?
burning 4 revenge Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 Stop trying to be a knight in shining armor and start looking for women who already have their head screwed on straight. Dating a gangster's girlfriend will bring you nothing but drama.Yeah, Ive been guilty of dating troubled and insensitive women, because I have low self esteem. But Ive learned that there are many wonderful women out there and if Im going to feel cheated, I'm at least going to feel cheated because Im not dating a quality woman. Just look around this site and compare some of these girls to your ex-gf. If she was posting here how would her personality strike you? How would she compare to some of the other girls here? Not very good Id bet
Author peace_pipe Posted February 14, 2008 Author Posted February 14, 2008 If you met a woman with a good head on her shoulders that could actually appreciate being treated well would you be able to handle it? Yes. But I understand why you ask.
Author peace_pipe Posted February 14, 2008 Author Posted February 14, 2008 Maybe you are hanging out in the wrong circles. Right now I have an administrative position at a timeshare company. Lots of white trash around... not all. Just this morning I overheard some of the guys talking about their dates with strippers... I met my ex here... puke
Woggle Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 Yes. But I understand why you ask. People who are attracted to the same type over and over again usually have a subconcious addiction to it.
Author peace_pipe Posted February 14, 2008 Author Posted February 14, 2008 Just look around this site and compare some of these girls to your ex-gf. If she was posting here how would her personality strike you? How would she compare to some of the other girls here? Not very good Id bet It would depend on her mood. The reason I did like her is because she can be the most attentive, affectionate woman at times... Then you find out it is all a lie... but it's okay to have sex with me and go through the "motions".
burning 4 revenge Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 What exactly did she say? Try and be precise
Author peace_pipe Posted February 14, 2008 Author Posted February 14, 2008 People who are attracted to the same type over and over again usually have a subconcious addiction to it. How would you begin to tell if you did? How would you break it? I've asked myself this question over and over again... You don't know all of someone's problems when you first meet... I've even tried being extra cautious. Like with this girl, she persued me for months. Asking me to do this and that, I declined most of the time. But we grew closer and she told me what I wanted to hear at the time...
StartingOver07 Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 And they way to deal with it is call me a DICK? Write it off on me? I stand up for myself, put her issues in her face and I am a DICK. I think a thank you would be more appropriate. I don't know a lot of guys that would even care enough... If I think her ex is a loser, I am judgemental... I don't like the word "loser" too much myself. There is nothing logical about it. Thanks... p_p I don't think it is logical. And I don't think you were treated well. I was just offering an alternate view to your assessment that she felt "nothing."
Woggle Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 How would you begin to tell if you did? How would you break it? I've asked myself this question over and over again... You don't know all of someone's problems when you first meet... I've even tried being extra cautious. Like with this girl, she persued me for months. Asking me to do this and that, I declined most of the time. But we grew closer and she told me what I wanted to hear at the time... The fact that she is attracted to a man like that in the first place should have been a red flag.
burning 4 revenge Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 The fact that she is attracted to a man like that in the first place should have been a red flag.A lot of these gangster boys treat their gf's horribly and then when their gf's leave them for someone else they beg and plead and act like they can't live without them. This type of behavior is attractive to certain weak personality types
Author peace_pipe Posted February 14, 2008 Author Posted February 14, 2008 What exactly did she say? Try and be precise I am really thinking about this... Her - "I never cared about you." me - "I don't get it. What was that talk we had about? What was the sex we had two nights ago and the day before that? What was the holding hands and staring into each other's eyes?" her - "It is just sex." me - "I think that is the worst thing a woman has ever said to me." her - crying - "I am confused, my ex and I never had a chance." me - "Maybe there is a reason for that." her - "Some times I get so mad at my ex for putting me in that situation. And I wonder if he would do that to someone he cared about." (she got charged with accessory for driving the car) me - "Good point. You're 27 years old, no one is going to make that decision for you." her - "My mom says I am ignorant." The conversation continued... When I talked to her later, she denied saying she never cared.... Her - "I never said that, you take things out of context." Me - "I took it at face value. Maybe it is what I needed to hear. Say it again." Her - "You're such a smart ass." Me - "Yes I am, but I meant it. It helps me walk away." Her - "You deserve someone with no baggage." Me - "Everyone has baggage, it's all in how you deal with it. You sabotaged the relationship from the start." Me - "You can write me off as a dickhead if it makes you feel better, but you had control of the problem and it is the cause of all of this." Her - "Sure, blame me." Me - "I don't much care for the blame game, but from where I am standing that is the truth." Her - "You are right." Me - "So what are you going to do? Are you going to move to Mexico?" Her - "I've thought about it." Me - "Wow. What are your goals." Her - "Dead silence...." Me - "As I suspected, this sucks. You're going to change your whole life around for this guy and some ill-conceived fantasy world. You've never met his kids, he'll never be a legal citizen, he sells drugs for a living." Her- "You are such a dick." Me - "Why? Because I speak the truth? It hurts when you even have to think about chosing that over me." Her- "You are such a dick." Me - "Whatever gets you through the day." I then said something to the fact that her behavior is slutty and that I can't believe how immature she turned out to be. Her - "Well the sex with you wasn't that good anyway." Me - "Perfect. That's why you told all of your friends how good it was." her - "Don't ever talk to me again." The end...
Author peace_pipe Posted February 14, 2008 Author Posted February 14, 2008 p_p I don't think it is logical. And I don't think you were treated well. I was just offering an alternate view to your assessment that she felt "nothing." Yeah, I wasn't meaning to be harsh. I know that she cared and the fact that she would say that is just so wrong...
burning 4 revenge Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 You strike me as a pretty bright guy and she seems to be really immature from the things you are saying. 27? Im wondering if your attraction to her was primarily physical and you're just lonely. And trust me I know how hard it is once you get used to the feel of a woman and her touch and her smell... to let it go and be alone again. These things are instinctive in us and nothing I can say can override your needs and tell you to be rational, but to me just looking from my computer I think you're better off with your schedule cleared
spookie Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 No offense, but she sounds like a fcvked-up 12-yr-old dealing with some very "adult" problems.
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