Phateless Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 Everyone I talk to from a dating site just just got out of a relationship. At least all the good ones. Does this spell doom? You start talking to someone and think they're really cool and then you find out they've been single for 4 months and haven't been on a 1st date yet. Thoughts?
latefragment Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 i agree. they are either (1) perpetually single, kind of serial daters who just want either an ego boost or sex or (2) just got out of a relationship and they are dipping a first toe in the water. makes sense to me!
oppath Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 (edited) Everyone I talk to from a dating site just just got out of a relationship. At least all the good ones. Does this spell doom? You start talking to someone and think they're really cool and then you find out they've been single for 4 months and haven't been on a 1st date yet. Thoughts? No, that's not doom. What is doom is if it's been like, a week they have been single. I've met some of those women before and they agree to a date but then cancel and say "I'm not really single, I just broke up with my bf and we're still talking." 4 months is ok. They may be ready for a relationship if that is your goal. Like any online site, however, people shuffle. This is good and bad -- you can meet more people who may be good for you -- but you also just move on to the next. There is probably less chance of them committing to you after several dates if you are their first date, but it is not doom. I run into those people too, but usually it's like one month single or "I was engaged. I met him online too. This time I decided to wait a while to get back out there, so I waited two months." Look at it this way: an attractive, desirable woman is likely to have been in a relationship recently if you meet her when she is single. Not to discredit those women on LS who are those things and are single for a year or two, but we all know a lot of women go from bf to bf. I'd say 3-4 months after a breakup, assuming it was non-mutual, is about the time someone could start dating and them be healed enough for it to be more than a rebound fling. But I'd agree with latefragment. I've met mostly women just getting back into the dating world, or women who are clearly the serial dating type. I'm somewhere in between. I don't want to date date date right now. I want something in the middle (but that's a crock cause I had it and let it go). Edited February 14, 2008 by oppath
Krytie TV Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 I think it's a common excuse that's used when they aren't interested or want to leave the door open for being flaky.
Lyssa Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 Everyone I talk to from a dating site just just got out of a relationship. At least all the good ones. Does this spell doom? You start talking to someone and think they're really cool and then you find out they've been single for 4 months and haven't been on a 1st date yet. Thoughts? Not doomed. What's wrong with being single for months? I was single for 3 years - casual dates here and there - and had lots of fun. I would always let a guy know if I wasn't ready to date rather than lead them on. Maybe they are just looking out for the potential ones. Would not date until they find one? I know a girl who would chat on and on, exchange photos and will only commit (as in go out) until she sees the potential in that guy - I don't know how that works for her but it always does!
peace_pipe Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 Not doomed. What's wrong with being single for months? I was single for 3 years - casual dates here and there - and had lots of fun. I would always let a guy know if I wasn't ready to date rather than lead them on. I've seen plenty of threads here where women label men as commitment-phobes in that exact scenario. I don't agree with that, but I think men and women as a whole need to chill out in their interactions with one another. Respect. There is no anymore.
peace_pipe Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 Everyone I talk to from a dating site just just got out of a relationship. At least all the good ones. Does this spell doom? You start talking to someone and think they're really cool and then you find out they've been single for 4 months and haven't been on a 1st date yet. Thoughts? I've been through similar experiences. There are a few more scenarios that exist. I've found many that were trying to cheat. It runs the whole gamut, in my opinion. I don't feel it is any different than meeting some nutcase off the street. Your chances are about the same, close to nothing.
Author Phateless Posted February 14, 2008 Author Posted February 14, 2008 Whoever made the point about cute girls always being recently single if they're single at all was right. The good ones often get snatched up right away, unless they're staying single on purpose. I guess I won't worry about it then. It's just frustrating at times, because I meet a lot of women, and when I finally start talking to one that I think has potential, it's a bummer if there's some discrediting factor (like her having not been on a date since the last relationship).
Art_Critic Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 What is bad about that ?.. A dating site doesn't normally get used until someone gets out of a relationship... The flip side to it is that they have been on there a year....
Author Phateless Posted February 14, 2008 Author Posted February 14, 2008 What is bad about that ?.. A dating site doesn't normally get used until someone gets out of a relationship... The flip side to it is that they have been on there a year.... True... I signed up for a bunch right when I became single and have ignored almost all of them for the past year. I meet enough girls in life that I don't really bother. There's one site that I use just for fun and curiosity of who I might meet and that's where the girl in question came from. I've been single long enough that if I date someone, I don't really want to be a rebound fling.
Star Gazer Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 Wouldn't it be better to date a girl who's recently out a relationship than to chase one who's still in one??
Author Phateless Posted February 14, 2008 Author Posted February 14, 2008 Wouldn't it be better to date a girl who's recently out a relationship than to chase one who's still in one?? lol touche. we don't even know if that's true or not.
Star Gazer Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 lol touche. we don't even know if that's true or not. I repeat: It doesn't matter. She's TAKEN. SHE thinks she is, regardless if her BF is a cheating pr*ck or not. Really, that is soooo unattractive to chase after her...
Author Phateless Posted February 14, 2008 Author Posted February 14, 2008 I repeat: It doesn't matter. She's TAKEN. SHE thinks she is, regardless if her BF is a cheating pr*ck or not. Really, that is soooo unattractive to chase after her... I don't even know that... dude left town over a month ago and they don't really talk or see each other. I understand where you're coming from. If they were both into each other for something significant I would leave it alone, but she made a point of saying how "oh it's nothing serious" so...
Star Gazer Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 I don't even know that... dude left town over a month ago and they don't really talk or see each other. I understand where you're coming from. If they were both into each other for something significant I would leave it alone, but she made a point of saying how "oh it's nothing serious" so... How do you know they don't talk to each other? Do you keep track of her phone calls? How do you know they don't see each other? Are you with her every minute of the day? How do you know they're not "into one another"? Can you read her mind and his? Didn't you say that you base all of this on NOTHING but "pure intuition"? When my BF moved out of town, we still spoke 3-6 times a day, and I was still very much invested in the relationship. Like every other dude around me, you know NOTHING about the status of his relationship simply because he's physically not present. All you know is that last you knew, she was TAKEN. Until you know OTHERWISE, you should not be pursuing a taken girl. It's in such bad taste.
Author Phateless Posted February 14, 2008 Author Posted February 14, 2008 I do know that she calls me the second she's out of class or has 10 minutes to spare when working on a project. We hang out constantly. I missed salsa friday night cuz I went on a date and she was all tripping out wondering where I was and admitted to being jealous that i was hanging out with another girl. She hasn't gone out of town to see him and she tells me when he's in town. She also told me they don't really talk very much. She was never invested in the relationship in the first place. Nobody even knew they were "dating." You're obviously very worked up about this, I'm sorry if I touched a nerve. Believe me, if I didn't think there were a legitimate cause to pursue her I wouldn't be.
Star Gazer Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 You didn't touch a nerve, it's just WRONG. On so many levels - for the "BF," for her, and for you.
AriaIncognito Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 Whoever made the point about cute girls always being recently single if they're single at all was right. The good ones often get snatched up right away, unless they're staying single on purpose. I guess I won't worry about it then. It's just frustrating at times, because I meet a lot of women, and when I finally start talking to one that I think has potential, it's a bummer if there's some discrediting factor (like her having not been on a date since the last relationship). Sorry but this isn't true, at all. Just because you're a "good one" doesn't mean you get snatched up right away. I can speak from experience as I'm told time after time after time that I'm one of those so called "good ones" yet I've been single now since may of 2007. I wouldn't say I've been staying single "on purpose" but yes, I was sure to not even think about looking until I could picture myself with someone other than my ex, and that probably didn't happen until a few months ago. It happens. Just because someone doesn't jump on the first date they are into to, doesn't mean there is anything wrong with them.
Author Phateless Posted February 14, 2008 Author Posted February 14, 2008 Sorry but this isn't true, at all. Just because you're a "good one" doesn't mean you get snatched up right away. I can speak from experience as I'm told time after time after time that I'm one of those so called "good ones" yet I've been single now since may of 2007. I wouldn't say I've been staying single "on purpose" but yes, I was sure to not even think about looking until I could picture myself with someone other than my ex, and that probably didn't happen until a few months ago. It happens. Just because someone doesn't jump on the first date they are into to, doesn't mean there is anything wrong with them. That's a good point. I'm just kinda holding out unless I think the girl is really worth it and I would hate to go out on a limb only to end up on a date with someone who's in a completely different place, you know? But I guess that's what life is all about - risk.
peace_pipe Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 But I guess that's what life is all about - risk. True, but so is the stock market. Might as well invest in Enron.
Blue Eyed Brain Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 Just look at dating as trying to find someone else's loss. It's always nicer than the alternative.
Author Phateless Posted February 14, 2008 Author Posted February 14, 2008 Just look at dating as trying to find someone else's loss. It's always nicer than the alternative. I like that. I've hard girls ask me "so why are you single?" as if there had to be something wrong with me. I wasn't quite sure how to a respond, but now I realize it's just a bs-test.
Trimmer Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 It's just frustrating at times, because I meet a lot of women, and when I finally start talking to one that I think has potential, it's a bummer if there's some discrediting factor (like her having not been on a date since the last relationship). I'm not understanding why not being on a date since the last relationship is a "discrediting factor..." Wouldn't rapid relationship turnover be more of a warning flag? Or do you mean "Well, if nobody else wants her then there must be something wrong with her?" How about someone who is self-fulfilled and confident enough that she's willing to wait until a decent opportunity comes along, instead of jumping into every pool she passes by?
redfathom Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 I like that. I've hard girls ask me "so why are you single?" as if there had to be something wrong with me. You should reply with something , like: "I dated a few women in the past but for some reason when I introduce them to my cult they always break up with me a few days later." Followed by: "So do you believe in the apocolypse?" Or: "Well, for the first few months I have tried to keep my job a secret from the girls I dated because I don't want to scare them off, now I am trying honesty." So she asks, "What do you do?" and you reply, "I castrate sheep with my teeth." Then go in for a big wet one. Okay, as for the castrating sheep with teeth, that used to be the profession of some UFC fighter, so I am not making that up. HAHA.
oppath Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 It's not that the good ones are always taken or always dating or going from guy to guy. It's just that often, a desirable woman receives a lot of interest. A lot of the good ones ARE taken and if they ARE single, it doesn't last long. But thankfully, a lot of the BAD ONES are taken too!! And a lot of the bad ones don't last on the market long either! Online dating does often attract the "I'm out of a relationship, I want to just DATE DATE DATE" types and nothing is wrong with that. People often go to those sites to supplement their dating offline because they want to date. Sometimes, the very first person you meet, you'll continue dating. It's not desperation, it is commitment. Other times you go through dozens of people. From my own personal experience, when I first join I usually just want to meet lots of different people. After a while, I want something more and I become less interested in online and more selective. I think just as many guys online, if not more, are probably in the exact same situation: out of relationships and wanting to date around. You will meet lots of people like that of both genders, but there are some who want more. Online dating is best used as a way to supplement dating. Don't spend too much time on it. Maybe 1/2 hour a day. If you want to date date date, obviously, spend more time, but otherwise it's an investment to meet a greater variety of people, and you'll be happier with it if you use it to supplement meeting women in other areas.
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