jomo Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 About early May of last year this woman started working at McDonald's with me.(I'll call her Jess) I was and still am basically a kid, I was only 18 then, and only 19 now. It was the end of my senior year or whatever. Anyway, I started flirting with her a lot and she never let on that she was married. She never wore her wedding ring and she would flirt back. I found out that she worked at a nursing home and then at mcdonald's to help pay the bills with her aunt and to send money to their family in the Phillipines. We talked a lot at work and spent our breaks together. This went on for a couple of weeks until one night she asked for a ride home. She lived not even half a mile from me so I said yes. When we got to her house she kissed me and said good night. The next night at work we kept messing around and eventually we fooled around at my house within like a week or two. Then I come to find out that she was married. I felt scared, because her huspand had come up to work to pick her up and to meet everyone she worked with. He was a pretty big dude. I pretty much stopped everything except for the casual talking at work. She broke down crying one night about how I'd been acting. Jess talked about how her huspand was domineering and was cheating on her, but he paid most of the bills so she was staying with him. So we started talking again and fooling around within the next week. Then I graduated and went to Myrtle Beach with some friends. When I came back, we were both overjoyed to see each other. We "made love" the day I got back. The guilt I felt was overwhelming, but at the same time I felt content. It was the only time we did it, but I think her huspand suspected something. He confronted me the next night. Jess wasn't even working, but he came to talk to me. He wanted to thank me for the rides I was giving her because he worked overnight at some IT job. He then got real serious and asked what I thought of her. I said she was a good person. I guess I didn't answer right because his face grew a little more intense and he wanted to know why she was so happy all of a sudden, especially when he saw her working and I was there. I forget what I said, but he dropped it and then left. I noticed that his car started following me around at random times of the day. He saved my cell phone number. He "accidently" ran into me on my street (i live on a cult de sac so there was no way he did that) and saw where I lived. Jess said that he had the neighbors watching the house so she couldn't get rides from me home anymore. About mid August it all ended because she was tired of working two jobs and she finally got a job at the hospital making more money and working less. She tried calling me a few times, but our schedules just didn't match. They didn't have a house phone and the only phones in the house was her huspand's cell phone and her aunt's cell phone. She didn't have her license. Now I'm a manager at Mcdonald's and I'm going to college. Monday she came in with some friend of hers. She came in to see me. She has a cell phone and a license. She wants to start talking again. I never really got over her, but I don't know what I should do. The smart thing to do is to just tell her that it's not very smart to do anything unless she plans on getting a divorce, but I don't think that I could support her financially and then there's the aunt as well. I'm still just a kid and I guess I need some help. Sorry for the long story, but I just wanted to put everything out there.
Cobra_X30 Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 Hey! I'm hearing you. How bad do you want her? Do you think that it could work our for you two? Seriously ignore the money situation, if you want her... ask her to get a divorce. Otherwise... don't mess around with it cause her husband is creepy.
Lyssa Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 I'm still just a kid and I guess I need some help. Sorry for the long story, but I just wanted to put everything out there. There it is, Jomo. You're still a teenager - you do not need this type of R at your age. There is a lot more for you to look forward to. Before I say more, how old is she? If she is much older, she should know better than to lure a teenager into this type of R!
Cobra_X30 Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 There it is, Jomo. You're still a teenager - you do not need this type of R at your age. There is a lot more for you to look forward to. Before I say more, how old is she? If she is much older, she should know better than to lure a teenager into this type of R! LOL... we old people always say that! From his perspective... he might be ready for something long term. Age matters only so far.
Lyssa Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 LOL... we old people always say that! From his perspective... he might be ready for something long term. Age matters only so far. Excuse me! I am NOT old... Age does not matter but he did mention he doesn't think he is financially stable to take care of her and then there's the aunt too. If she said yes to D - then is she willing to wait for him to be financially stable? You know what I mean? Maybe I am looking at this way too ahead!
Author jomo Posted February 14, 2008 Author Posted February 14, 2008 She's 26. So i guess a 7 year difference. She said she doesn't want to make things difficult for her aunt but she said she could talk to her about getting a divorce. I really don't know though.
Cobra_X30 Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 Excuse me! I am NOT old... Age does not matter but he did mention he doesn't think he is financially stable to take care of her and then there's the aunt too. If she said yes to D - then is she willing to wait for him to be financially stable? You know what I mean? Maybe I am looking at this way too ahead! LOL... sorry I forget that your just wise beyond your years! Your probably looking at this from a more aged viewpoint. Maybe he is the same way, then again he may be at the 'love conquers all' stage. Yes, I totally know what you mean, but if she isn't willing to live with some short term financial instability... is that love? Not any kind of love I want. I wouldnt wait. I'd make things work right now! Might be tough... but that's life right? Being poor isnt bad... it's just inconvenient.
Lyssa Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 She's 26. So i guess a 7 year difference. She said she doesn't want to make things difficult for her aunt but she said she could talk to her about getting a divorce. I really don't know though. So you have talked to her about it? What about her H? Has she said anything to him? LOL... sorry I forget that your just wise beyond your years! Your probably looking at this from a more aged viewpoint. Maybe he is the same way, then again he may be at the 'love conquers all' stage. Yes, I totally know what you mean, but if she isn't willing to live with some short term financial instability... is that love? Not any kind of love I want. I wouldnt wait. I'd make things work right now! Might be tough... but that's life right? Being poor isnt bad... it's just inconvenient. LOL - I am not wise beyond my age! Don't say that!! I agree - if one isn't willing to live with some short term financial instability then that isn't love. It's going to be a lot of work which if both are ready for it, it can happen. You're a risk-taker, aren't you Cobra!
Author jomo Posted February 14, 2008 Author Posted February 14, 2008 I talked to her briefly about it earlier. I ended up having to go to class so it got cut short. I tried asking friends for advice, and them, being my age, basically say that I was with a married woman and I should keep that up. Yeah, not much help from them
Lyssa Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 I was with a married woman and I should keep that up. LOL - yes, I can see where they are coming from. Do you see yourself with her in a long term R?
Cobra_X30 Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 She's 26. So i guess a 7 year difference. She said she doesn't want to make things difficult for her aunt but she said she could talk to her about getting a divorce. I really don't know though. 7 years is not that much. How deep are your feelings for her? How many relationships have you had? LOL - I am not wise beyond my age! Don't say that!! I agree - if one isn't willing to live with some short term financial instability then that isn't love. It's going to be a lot of work which if both are ready for it, it can happen. You're a risk-taker, aren't you Cobra! Ha! I'm not so much a risk taker as much as I AM a risk. The best things in life are often that which we work hardest for. We rarely appreciate the stuff that comes easy.
Author jomo Posted February 14, 2008 Author Posted February 14, 2008 My feelings for her then were pretty deep, but I didn't think I'd see her again, so I pretty much just tried to forget about her so I'm still in shock I guess. I guess I could see myself in a long term relationship, but then I don't really know if I'm really able do what I would need to. I've only been in 3 relationships though. I went out with one girl in high school for about a year, but I usually had to hold back what I had to say around her or her friends so it wasn't really serious. Then i had from october to mid december where I ended up getting cheated on when she went to some Christmas party at her work. Hmm
Cobra_X30 Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 I talked to her briefly about it earlier. I ended up having to go to class so it got cut short. I tried asking friends for advice, and them, being my age, basically say that I was with a married woman and I should keep that up. Yeah, not much help from them LOL... I like your friends! My feelings for her then were pretty deep, but I didn't think I'd see her again, so I pretty much just tried to forget about her so I'm still in shock I guess. I guess I could see myself in a long term relationship, but then I don't really know if I'm really able do what I would need to. I've only been in 3 relationships though. I went out with one girl in high school for about a year, but I usually had to hold back what I had to say around her or her friends so it wasn't really serious. Then i had from october to mid december where I ended up getting cheated on when she went to some Christmas party at her work. Hmm Look, there is no shame in not being ready for something with lots of comittment, plus this girl has a history of cheating. You are the only guy she has been seeing on the side right? Anyway, there are no garauntee's that if you tried it would work. She just has to want to try with you more than she does stay with her husband. You also need to be willing to try. What would your friends say if you started dating her? Wait... your ex cheated within 3 months? Thats dirty!
Author jomo Posted February 14, 2008 Author Posted February 14, 2008 See its weird with the friends. See if I started dating her they would say it was cool, but at the same time they'd call me retarded because she's married. Plus her huspand is like an ex-marine or whatever so he would really do some damage. . . Yeah the ex cheated within 3 months. She'd been friends with the guy since she was like 14 or something like that so yeah.
Cobra_X30 Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 See its weird with the friends. See if I started dating her they would say it was cool, but at the same time they'd call me retarded because she's married. Plus her huspand is like an ex-marine or whatever so he would really do some damage. . . Yeah the ex cheated within 3 months. She'd been friends with the guy since she was like 14 or something like that so yeah. Well, forget your ex. That girl sounds kinda trashy! I wouldn not date this lady while she is married. If she wants you, she will leave her husband. And for his piece... no matter how big he is... I promise they have a jail cell big enough for him. Let the police handle that kind of stuff. That's what they exist for... and HE knows that just as well as you!
Author jomo Posted February 14, 2008 Author Posted February 14, 2008 She gets off work at 7 and she said she'd call me, so I guess i need to try to get some sleep for school tomorrow anyway. I'll talk to her more about it tomorrow and try to figure out everything. I'll try to update with details if I get them. Then I can get more help!!
Trojan John Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 She's married (albeit unhappily), but still. I would seriously advise against pursuing this woman for that reason. Ask her to get divorced. The second reason is that, as you put it, the husband could do some damage to you. He is already following you around, calling you, and has neighbours watching you. Put yourself in his shoes for a moment. Some "kid" messing about with my wife? There would be bloody retribution. Is she really worth that? So he ends up in jail and she... visits you in the ICU?
lovelorcet Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 She's married (albeit unhappily), but still. I would seriously advise against pursuing this woman for that reason. Ask her to get divorced. The second reason is that, as you put it, the husband could do some damage to you. He is already following you around, calling you, and has neighbours watching you. Put yourself in his shoes for a moment. Some "kid" messing about with my wife? There would be bloody retribution. Is she really worth that? So he ends up in jail and she... visits you in the ICU? Thank god someone else thinks the same here... Run for the hills on this one. She has no idea what she wants and there is a really good chance that you are just some fun for her. If she was seriously into you she would be getting divorced. Which brings up the next point, do not get involved with married people you are just going to end up with a lot of heart ache. Plus her husband seems really suspicious so you can bet that if you continue to mess around with this chick he is going to find out. When he asked you what you thought of her, THAT WAS A WARNING as far as I am concerned. It won't be much fun when he jumps you with a few buddies and you are left to eat through a straw for the next 6 months.
Lyssa Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 She gets off work at 7 and she said she'd call me, so I guess i need to try to get some sleep for school tomorrow anyway. I'll talk to her more about it tomorrow and try to figure out everything. I'll try to update with details if I get them. Then I can get more help!! Do talk to her and tell her that it's not going to happen if she is still married. There is so much more you have to look into if you really feel for this woman.
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 Jomo, be careful what you wish for. You will probably be the next guy she cheats on.
Owl Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 You may be young, but you're plenty old enough to know right from wrong! I really don't think that there's anything else to say on the subject. This really is just that simple.
Author jomo Posted February 16, 2008 Author Posted February 16, 2008 All right everyone, thanks for the help. I guess it was kinda obvious, but I always like second opinions.
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