DaisyBelle Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 I dated a great guy for about a year and a half: half the time we lived in the same state, but then he moved and we did the distance thing. We both felt it was our best relationship ever. (We're both 36.) He strongly hinted he wanted me to follow him to Colorado, but never directly asked. I was afraid to give up my job and comfort zone, but more importantly, I was scared of being too reliant on him there and scared of leaving behind all I knew to be with him. In the midst of all this, he got notice in April 2007 that his reserve unit was headed for Iraq. I had a really hard time with that and told him I just couldn’t stand the pain of being apart anymore. So we pretty much called it quits in May 2007, but remained friends. We last saw each other right before he left for Iraq, in August 2007. We've kept in touch during his deployment. I knew he was still in love with me, yet I kept reminding myself that I had to be practical and move on without him. I was trying to spare myself the pain, I guess, by focusing on moving forward. I joined all sorts of exercise groups and it pains me to say I tried talking to him less and even going out on dates in efforts to move on. (I knew he had dated after we had broken things off in May 2007, but we didn’t really talk about them too directly.) Whenever we talked or wrote, his personality seemed...off, depressed, not his usual self. December 2007: we talked and both admitted we still love each other. Then January 2008: via IM, we both acknowledged we still love and miss each other. He sounded painfully lonely. I thought about that chat for a few weeks and realized that after months of trying to move forward without him, I miss him uncontrollably and I regret not continuing the relationship. After much thinking for a few weeks, I finally worked up the nerve to tell him I want to try to make things work. So in February, we were online again and before I even got to tell him all of this, he told me he met someone in Hawaii, just before deploying and that they’re going to try dating again when he returns there in April (he finishes out his tour in Hawaii from April to July 2008). They dated for about a month in August 2007, after which he told her he didn’t want a relationship while in Iraq. Apparently, though, they started talking again after Christmas 2007 and are now planning on being “roommates” when he returns to Hawaii to “see where things go.” He then plans on returning to Colorado. When I asked if he loved her, he said yes, which shocked me, because he's not one to fall easily. But then he backstepped and said he didn't know her well enough yet to know what he didn't like about her, he wasn't pinning all his hopes on her, but it was something he wanted to pursue. He said he didn't know if she would ever be interested in moving to Colorado, which is where he ultimately wants to be. At the same time, he did tell me that he still loves me. I don't know if he's just insanely lonely there and has given up on me, or if he really feels this strongly about this person he doesn't really know or what. He just doesn't even sound like the person I know, either emotionally or even voice-wise. I’m just devastated. I’m torn: Do I tell him my feelings? Or should I just let him move forward with his new girlfriend? Part of me wants to reveal my feelings to him in an effort to reconcile, yet another part of me tells me it’s too late. Please help. Thanks.
sedgwick Posted February 14, 2008 Posted February 14, 2008 Good god YES tell him how you feel!!! Is there even any question?!
Author DaisyBelle Posted February 14, 2008 Author Posted February 14, 2008 LOL, hmm, yeah, there's a question (in my mind, anyway). What's holding me back is this new girlfriend. If it weren't for her existence, I'd've done it already. I'm also terrified of rejection. I've written the letter, I just can't bring myself to send it. Last week, after he told me, I sent him two pained emails: one rambling mess telling him how much I love and miss him (but not asking for him back). He called me after that one, but I couldn't bring myself to answer. Then I sent another saying the "just being friends" thing was too hard for me to continue, but that I wished him and his new girlfriend well. I was so freaked out I ended up calling him in Iraq and crying like a girl, but in the end I again wished him and his girlfriend well and he apologized for hurting me. It was a blubbering mess, I was an emotional headcase (still am, although I haven't reached out to him again since I felt like a fool). I know these are exactly the wrong things to do if one wishes to win back an ex, but...well, it was a very emotional moment for me. We haven't talked in a week. I think he's hiding from me, which is understandable. I haven't seen him on IM and now it's dreaded Valentine's Day and his new girlfriend is probably a happier thought than I am right now. I wish I could understand, from a guy's perspective, what's going on in his head. Any ideas?
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